AMA - Had a baby at 14, now in my late 20s with a teenage son

[CurvedTiger]

Not sure if anyone will be interested, but thought I’d do an AMA! I fell pregnant at 13, had my DS at 14, and now I’m in my late 20s with a teenager who eats me out of house and home. It’s been a wild ride, and I still feel like I’m playing catch-up with my life in some ways.

Happy to answer anything – whether it’s about being a teen mum, how I managed school/work, relationships, or just what it’s like having a teenager when most of my mates are only just having babies now. Fire away!

Were social services heavily involved?

How financially stable are you?

Did you get much support from the school? Did you stay in school throughout your pregnancy and did your friends at the time stick with you?

You must have phenomenal strength, I'm sure whatever direction you choose to take next will be a success!

Your parents were rubbish. I am sorry.
They should have advised you about the possibility of an abortion. No 14 year old should be told " You have made your bed, now lie in it".😞

Just to say well done for surviving such an event a such a tender age! I hope you and your son are both doing well

How is your life now - housing, job etc?

Do you have a good relationship with your son?

Is your ds embarrassed having such a young mum?
Not suggesting he should be but we all know how kids can be.

were you pressured into having sex so young?

Had you received sex education at school? If it was a contraception failure, did you know to seek medical advice?

Do you ever feel like you have trouble relating to people and maintaining friendships?
Yeah, definitely. My life was so different from everyone else’s that it was hard to relate. Still feel a bit like that now.

Also: do you feel like doctors often dismissed your valid concerns about your child due to your age?
Yes, all the time. Felt like they assumed I was clueless and overreacting. Had to push to be taken seriously.

Would you like to have more children?
No, I think I’m done.

Were social services heavily involved?
Not really. Had a midwife who checked in a lot, but no major involvement.

How financially stable are you?
Not rolling in it, but we get by. Took a while to get to this point though.

Did you get much support from the school?
Some teachers were great, others not so much. They let me finish my GCSEs but weren’t particularly accommodating.

Did you stay in school throughout your pregnancy and did your friends at the time stick with you?
Stayed as long as I could, then did my GCSEs at a special unit. Most friends drifted away.

You must have phenomenal strength, I’m sure whatever direction you choose to take next will be a success!
Thank you, that means a lot!

Just to say well done for surviving such an event at such a tender age! I hope you and your son are both doing well.
Thank you, we’re doing alright!

How is your life now – housing, job etc?
Rent privately, have a decent job, still feel like I’m catching up but things are stable.

Do you have a good relationship with your son?
Yeah, we’re close. He’s a typical teenager, but we get on.

Is your DS embarrassed having such a young mum?
Not really. He finds it funny when people assume I’m his sister, but he doesn’t seem bothered.

What is your relationship like with your parents now? And your son’s relationship with them?

Also, did you ever have any problems taking him to places where children have to be accompanied by an adult, ie swimming?

As someone who also had a baby as a teenager, do you feel amazing that you are nearly at the point of getting your life back post kids but are still in your prime and young enough to grab life by the horns?

I had to grow up so quick and yes, no Uni or clubbing when I was young etc but, having bought my house at 20 year old, studied while I was working etc I now find myself mortgage free, still young, have enough headspace to grab all the promotions opportunities at work as worrying about childcare is a thing of the past.

Oh, and do you get immense satisfaction knowing you've done an amazing job being a young Mum when many people tut-tutted and judged you?

You sound amazing, OP, and shame on his father, that he couldn't be a good father to your son, even though he was older than you.

Why not go back to university? I went when I was 24 and there were a lot of mature students. Or you could look into degree apprenticeships - that way you'd earn money and not have student debts. You are still so young! For me, 28 was just about the best time - you have a great future ahead of you.

Are you happy ?

You come across as content with your life.

People go back to uni in their 60’s so you have plenty of time if you want to do that. Lots of mature students of all ages especially in local unis as opposed to RG

It’s unfair if people to shame the father of your DS

You were both very young and most mothers at your age wouldn’t have gone through with the pregnancy but you did and have done a great job of it

Wow, how did you have enough money for a house deposit at 20 as a single mum??

Can't believe some of the replies you have had. Honestly OP you are amazing. Having a baby at 14 is not ideal at all but it sounds as if you have made a good job of it. Being a teenager is a time when we experiment and don't always make the right decisions. Your children will be grown up and you will have time for career and travel at a time when your friends are bogged down with parental responsibilities. I had children later and I do worry that I won't be in good health to help my kids when they have children. There is no perfect time and sometimes pregnancy can happen at the worst time. If my 15 year old became pregnant, I would absolutely leave the decision to her and support her whatever she decided.

who would be disappointed?

If you had a daughter in this situation, what exactly would you tell her?
if abortion would be an option how would you make it clear without making her feel that you are pushing this option?
or the opposite option?
How would you strike a balance between “I will support you” and “you have to take responsibility for this decision and bear consequences”

Children should not be having children. That's not the fault of the OP at all, but her parents, who did not counsel her about options.

I am not ashamed to say that if my DD had got pregnant at that age, I would have strongly advised an abortion. I would not "leave the decision to her and support her whatever she decided".

Were you pressured into having sex so young?
Not pressured exactly, but I was young and naïve and didn’t fully understand what I was getting into.

Had you received sex education at school? If it was a contraception failure, did you know to seek medical advice?
Yeah, we had the usual sex ed, but it was very basic. Knew about contraception but wasn’t clued up enough to sort it myself properly.

What is your relationship like with your parents now?
It’s okay, but not particularly close. We get on, but there’s still a bit of a disconnect from how things were back then.

And your son’s relationship with them?
They’re involved, but he’s not super close to them either. More like a distant-but-there kind of relationship.

Also, did you ever have any problems taking him to places where children have to be accompanied by an adult, i.e. swimming?
Yeah, had a few funny looks and people questioning if I was his mum. Nothing major, just awkward moments.

As someone who also had a baby as a teenager, do you feel amazing that you are nearly at the point of getting your life back post-kids but are still in your prime and young enough to grab life by the horns?
In some ways, yeah. It’s weird because I feel like I missed out on my youth, but I also have a whole life ahead of me while still being young. Just trying to figure out what to do with it now!

Oh, and do you get immense satisfaction knowing you’ve done an amazing job being a young Mum when many people tut-tutted and judged you?
Yes! So many people assumed I’d fail, and while it’s been tough, I’ve raised a great kid and proved them wrong.

You sound amazing, OP, and shame on his father that he couldn’t be a good father to your son, even though he was older than you.
Thank you. Yeah, his loss at the end of the day.

Why not go back to university? I went when I was 24 and there were a lot of mature students. Or you could look into degree apprenticeships – that way you’d earn money and not have student debts. You are still so young! For me, 28 was just about the best time – you have a great future ahead of you.
I’ve thought about it, just not sure what I’d study. Might look into apprenticeships, though, that sounds like a good option.

Are you happy?
Most days, yeah. It’s not been easy, but things are stable, and DS is happy, which is what matters.

Why would they have to be if the young mum is coping adequately? 😕

Did you son's father at least support you financially? I do hope so.

Wow, you sound amazing, to be honest. What an experience. One of my DCs is a similar age to the age you were when you had your son and I cannot quite fathom how it would change all of our lives, especially the DCs, were they to become a parent now. I have nothing but huge admiration for you and I’m sorry you’ve felt unsupported and lonely - that’s rubbish.

What was the dad's his families reaction like?