AMA - Had a baby at 14, now in my late 20s with a teenage son

[CurvedTiger]

Not sure if anyone will be interested, but thought I’d do an AMA! I fell pregnant at 13, had my DS at 14, and now I’m in my late 20s with a teenager who eats me out of house and home. It’s been a wild ride, and I still feel like I’m playing catch-up with my life in some ways.

Happy to answer anything – whether it’s about being a teen mum, how I managed school/work, relationships, or just what it’s like having a teenager when most of my mates are only just having babies now. Fire away!

I don't have any questions, I had my child at 20 and that felt very young! I just wanted to say that having a child when you're younger does mean that you've reached the stage where you can now begin to do the things you may have missed out on. While your old friends will maybe just be starting to have their children, you'll be able to go out when you want to, you won't be spending money on childcare (which has likely got more expensive since your son was little), you'll be able to start doing things for YOU.
Life is too short for regrets, so don't look back, just look forward and think about things you'd like to achieve now.
You've got your son to his teenage years, you've done really well, now take some time to think about what you'd like to do next in life! The world, as they say, is your oyster.

(Sorry I don’t know how to ask this but hope I’m not being rude!) What do you wish your parents had spoken to you about or told you which would have resulted in you not getting pregnant at 13?

im asking this as you said one one comment your parents didn’t talk about anything important.

@CurvedTiger I had twins at 16. I’m mid 30’s now.

It’s been hard but we have grew up together . Been many bumps in the road but I think all round iv done a good job.
Well done to you, I can relate to everything you have said x

What career do you have now? When did you move away from your parents?

You could become a social worker - you can train without having a degree first.
http://basw.co.uk/careers/how-become-social-worker#entry1

You sound like a really good mom , your son is very lucky to have you and
you should be very proud of your achievements .
I'm sorry you didn't get the emotional support you so much deserved but your strength of character shines regardless.

You're still very young but I'm wondering if you've had any meaningful relationships with men, or was it just too difficult?

@CurvedTiger This is a wonderful refreshing, and honest thread. I’ve really enjoyed (if that’s the right word) reading all the questions and answers. I think you sound brilliant. I’m sure your son is proud to call you Mum.

Twins at 16 that must have been hard! I hope you're all doing well and that life has been kind.

You too are still very young like the OP.

OP, you’ve walked a very hard road and I just want to wish you all the very best going forward.

Also to the other very young mums on the thread.

💐

You sound very grounded OP and it must have been lonely and challenging. Hats off to you.

I’d also like to ask what your relationship history looks like and your hopes on that score going forward.

Has your son shown any interest in tracking down his father and that side of his family and how will you feel if he does?

Interesting thread op, thanks for starting.

This is a bit random but did you name him a traditional name, or something more unusual?

I think at 14, I would definitely not have been as conservative in my name choices as I would when I was older

No questions but OP I have to say reading your replies you sound the most level headed, honest, empathetic and kind person.

Good for you. I'm an older mum (37) looking to have my second soon and I was in no way anywhere near your maturity in my late 20s.

You've worked super hard and should he incredibly proud of yourself.

No questions but I'm so sorry you didn't get the emotional support from your parents that you needed. My DD is 30 now, no DC, but had an unplanned pregnancy at 17 which ended in miscarriage. Although a little older than you she was scared and overwhelmed and needed her mum more than ever. I can only imagine how you felt at 13/14. If you were my daughter I'd be bloody proud of you for everything you've achieved!

It's always you who makes the rudest and stupidest comments....I bet you love the anonymity of mumsnet to make your rude little comments.

Who are you talking to?

What is your favourite type of apple?

Curved Tiger, I think you are splendid.

What was the impact on your parents? Has it damaged the relationship?

How did it feel at 14 to be a child with a child?

how did it affect going to school?

how supportive were your parents and friends ?

did you have a choice whether to have your baby or not ?

if so why did you choose to keep your baby ?

You sound amazing!

Have you ever seen the father out and about when you've been with your son?

I have to say you sound much more of a parent to your son than your parents were to you

which is sad for you

but he has grown up with a wonderful mum and you have grown up with a wonderful son

I just wanted to say how proud you should be of yourself. I taught pregnant teenagers and young parents for several years, most of them were amazing human beings who just happened to have had children young. Some had SS involvement, some were in care themselves, and some had families that supported them practically, financially and emotionally, I’m sorry yours didn’t do that. I’m still in touch with some of them and their kids are older than they were when they had their babies. The judgement from some older parents was awful, I remember one girl getting off the bus crying on her way to class as someone told her she was “a disgrace”! You sound like a great mum your son must be proud of. Best wishes for the next chapter in your life

Do you have siblings and what’s the relationship like between everyone?

My older sister had a teen pregnancy thirty years ago and she felt sad for him as he never really got the aunt/uncle/grandparent thing as we were all still children and parenting respectively. My younger sister had her kids a few years ago and they’ve been absolutely spoilt by the rest of us as we were in a better position to do so. I feel bad for my nephew, he grew up at a time none of us were interested in children.

my sister went back to school, did her a levels, got a degree, and took her son around the world working in interesting places. They’re very close, the father was never really on the scene either. I asked her years later why she didn’t have an abortion (I’ve had one myself although I was in my twenties), but she said like you it was never presented as an option so she just got on with it.