AMA - Had a baby at 14, now in my late 20s with a teenage son

[CurvedTiger]

Not sure if anyone will be interested, but thought I’d do an AMA! I fell pregnant at 13, had my DS at 14, and now I’m in my late 20s with a teenager who eats me out of house and home. It’s been a wild ride, and I still feel like I’m playing catch-up with my life in some ways.

Happy to answer anything – whether it’s about being a teen mum, how I managed school/work, relationships, or just what it’s like having a teenager when most of my mates are only just having babies now. Fire away!

Gosh, that must have been hard. But it’s great that you will soon be able to start to do things just for you! Any plans?

Im the opposite as I had mine at 38, so now have a teen in my 50s 🙈😄

Why did you decide not to have a termination?

You had yours at 38 im 38 now and both mine have flown the nest.
Makes me see how young i really was.

What a thoroughly fabulous post.
Thanks for taking the time to do the AMA. Really insightful.
Plus to be able to just hit See All after your first post was a little bit fabulous too😄 Thanks for your layout @CurvedTiger curvedTiger

I’m quite jealous @bringmerain !

If o had my time over .. but I guess hindsight is a marvellous thing

What do you say about his Dad to your son?
That must be a can of worms, emotionally, for your son.

Did your son’s father at least support you financially? I do hope so.
No, nothing. Never paid a penny.

Wow, you sound amazing, to be honest. What an experience. One of my DCs is a similar age to the age you were when you had your son, and I cannot quite fathom how it would change all of our lives, especially the DCs, were they to become a parent now. I have nothing but huge admiration for you, and I’m sorry you’ve felt unsupported and lonely – that’s rubbish.
Thank you, that really means a lot. It completely flipped my life upside down, but you just have to get on with it.

What was the dad’s family’s reaction like?
Wanted nothing to do with it. Acted like DS didn’t exist.

Gosh, that must have been hard. But it’s great that you will soon be able to start to do things just for you! Any plans?
Not sure yet, just figuring things out. Might look into studying or a career change.

I was wondering whether you'd experienced judgement and unpleasantness when you were out and about with your son as a baby/toddler but I see someone else has already asked that upthread. I'm glad to hear people didn't make your life difficult.

Have you had contact with any other very young mothers over the years?

The large amount of people on MN who like to berate young parents and think they can't possibly do as well as an older parent.

Hi OP, I just wanted to hop on and say I really understand the feeling of missing out / catching up.. I had two dc in my teens and one more in my early twenties.. I went back to uni at 40, and work a part time student job alongside, it sometimes feels like I’m living life back to front!
Do you ever look at your son and just think wow.. you’re so young and when I was your age I was responsible for a whole tiny human?
Also.. what support that you did / didn’t receive do you think should be available to teen mums?

You sound amazing @CurvedTiger

Just wondering if the police were involved when you got pregnant, particularly with the 16YO who got you pregnant?

How do you think your career has developed so far and how do you want to manage it going forward?

This was drilled into me as a teenager/ young woman - don't get pregnant until you have some money and a career.
I had my DC in my mid to late 30s, I'm now late 40s. My career has plateaued since DC which has always slightly grated on me. In your position, I am envisioning that the world is your oyster, which must be liberating?

Why did you decide not to have a termination?
At the time, it didn’t feel like an option. My parents were very much “you’ve made your bed” and I think I just went into survival mode and got on with it.

What do you say about his dad to your son? That must be a can of worms, emotionally, for your son.
I’ve always been honest in an age-appropriate way. Told him his dad wasn’t ready to be a parent and left it at that. He’s never really pushed for more info, but I’m ready to answer if he ever does.

I was wondering whether you’d experienced judgement and unpleasantness when you were out and about with your son as a baby/toddler, but I see someone else has already asked that upthread. I’m glad to hear people didn’t make your life difficult.
Got a few looks and the odd comment, but nothing too awful. Mostly just felt invisible, like people didn’t take me seriously as a mum.

Have you had contact with any other very young mothers over the years?
Yeah, met a few through school and support groups when DS was little, but we all went our separate ways as life moved on.

I thought I was young at 17. You sound like a fantastic Mum.
I said I'd never have any more but ended up with two more in my late 30s!

Huge achievement OP, getting to where you are. I hope you continue onwards and upwards with your head held high. And yes - do look into apprenticeships, they would be a good route forward for you I’d imagine

Oooh OP … I had very similar situation although I was 17 so finished school.
I’m 65 now .. my whole life has been out of sinc with my peers .. I was a nana at 36.

i did marry and have a second child at 22 he had his first child at 38 she is now 5… and it’s the first time I’ve felt in the “right place at the right time”

But not having a career/travel/socialising experiences in my teens still rears its head in discussions with people my age now.
Ive never been to a nightclub to this day!

No question. Just wanted to say that I think you sound amazing. Your son is lucky to have you as a Mum. I hope that when he flies the nest you go on to have a really fulfilling and happy new life, still able to enjoy being young yourself. In fact I’m a little bit jealous 😂 I’m in my forties and have another 10 years until my youngest becomes an adult!

How would you feel if the father suddenly turned up and wanted to enter his son’s life?

There’s a big difference between a young woman becoming pregnant and a 13 year old doing so. Luckily things worked out ok for the OP but I don’t think anyone should be celebrating children having children.

It sound like you’ve had it hard but you’ve done an amazing job.
Is there anything you wish your parents had said or done when you were 13? What advice would you give to a 13 year old girl?

Would you like any more children.

Agree, it sounds like the OP has made the best of a difficult situation and I admire that, but no-one should be thinking that a 13/14 year old girl should be in the position of getting herself pregnant and should know all the options available to her if she does.

You sound like an inspiration to us all! I have three questions:

How long had you been seeing your DS's father before you got pregnant?

I know you said most of your friends just drifted away but, initially with your closest friends, how did they react? Were some of them excited about the idea of a baby or were they shocked/horrified?

What age were you when you and your DS were able to move out of your parents' and live independently?

I reckon my 30s were the best years of my life so I hope you get to enjoy yours.

Thankyou for answering my question. 😘
This is a bit personal so obviously up to you if you feel comfortable answering or not.

My DDs (and my) body, changed enormously from 13 to 21. (ie I grew a foot, at least.)

Did having a baby that young alter your body in a long term way do you think? Did you keep growing? I suppose you must have? 13 is very much a child.

I want to join all the pp's who have said that you are amazing. What a wonderful woman you are. It's a pleasure to see the way you've answered the questions. I wish for you an amazing future.

You are amazing!