AMA - Had a baby at 14, now in my late 20s with a teenage son

[CurvedTiger]

Not sure if anyone will be interested, but thought I’d do an AMA! I fell pregnant at 13, had my DS at 14, and now I’m in my late 20s with a teenager who eats me out of house and home. It’s been a wild ride, and I still feel like I’m playing catch-up with my life in some ways.

Happy to answer anything – whether it’s about being a teen mum, how I managed school/work, relationships, or just what it’s like having a teenager when most of my mates are only just having babies now. Fire away!

@CurvedTigerthank you for starting this thread, it’s really open of you to share your experience.
i had my daughter at 20 years old and my son at 24. One of the joys has been that my daughter also had her first child at 20 so I became a grandmother in my 40s.
It has been wonderful, getting all these precious years together and seeing them grow up.
I wish you and your DS all success and happiness in the years to come.

You @CurvedTiger should go after the dad now. He has financial responsibility even if he’s a pos.

Did you ever feel jealous of your friends at school who were able to be carefree whilst you had to go home and be mum?

I posted before but didn't say everything I was thinking @CurvedTiger which is that the way your parents behaved is just inconceivable to me. For context my DCs are all older than you. I can't imagine treating someone with that 'you made your bed' attitude and not presenting all the options with my child's best future and their feelings, front and foremost. The whole thought makes me feel sad, but you come across so well on here that this stranger is proud of you 💐

Do you think you'll be able to catch up on the things you feel you've missed out on once your child has grown up, and you'll only be in your 30s.

How is your career? What quals have you got and what would you like to do? How has young motherhood affected your employment path and choices?

What positive things do you think you bring as a young mum that older mums might not provide?

If you could do it all again, what would be different?

How is your love life? And how did your situation impact upon it?

Thank you very much! X

How did you cope with labour? You must have been terrified? Was your mum or the midwives extra kind to you as you were so young?

how confident did you feel parenting him when he was younger?

What did you think when you first found out. What was your Parents
re-action

I found out I was pregnant when I was 16, I was about 4 weeks gone at the time and I told my mum 2 weeks later.

She seems to be the opposite to your mum in that I didn’t get the “you’ve made your bed and so you lie in it” approach and instead I got the “What a stupid mistake you’ve made. You are not having the baby” response.

I wasn’t even asked what I wanted. I was told I was having an abortion and that was the end of it.

Im 42 now and I still think about it all the time. I never stop thinking what my life would have been like if my mum had taken a different approach and if I’d have ended up keeping the baby.

You sound like an incredibly strong woman.

Why did the father/his family not pay anything? That stinks! If you possibly can get any sort of back-payment it's surely worth it - put it towards a car/uni fund for your lad?

You’re amazing, I bet your DS is a real credit to you, thankyou for sharing your story 💖

You are doing an amazing job OP, thank you for this thread.

How did you observe your parent’s relationship change between them as a couple, with the news their teen daughter is pregnant?

How did your parents help care for the baby day to day in the newborn and toddler stage. Did one of them stop work or reduce hours to care for the baby, while you went to school?

What a great idea to do an AMA.
I had my son at 15 (I was 2 weeks off my 16th birthday) and I am now 44 and he is 28.

It's absolutely mad that I have a son who is 28 and I'm only 44.

The world is your oyster and you can do anything you want to - have a super time living your life 💛🧡

Worked my ass off from aged 16, house prices weren't as crazy in 1990's either!

Did the police get involved at all? As an adult now do you ever feel like you must have been vulnerable, and maybe taken advantage of?

I’m not the OP but had my first at just 18. People getting pregnant with their first in their late 30’s blows my mind. I literally can not imagine it. That’s my age now and I can’t imagine anything worse.

What are your thoughts on older mums who have children in their late 30s / 40s, particularly in terms of energy levels and balancing work?
Everyone’s different. Some older mums have more energy than I do! As long as the child is loved and cared for, that’s all that matters.

Thanks for this! Husband just became a Dad at 39 and I hate that people have this attitude.

Every interesting thread, you sound very mature and like a great mother.

Are you guys super close because of the low age gap?

You sound amazing. Your DS is so lucky to have you. I hope you get the chance to do some of the things that you had to miss out on, because you really deserve to.

Not to be rude, but they'd probably say the same about being pregnant at 18. It's so weird people judge others for when they decide (or when it's possible) for them to start a family ....

I didn’t mean to sound rude, and of course 18 was far from ideal. I just mean, that coming from that situation, it just seems crazy to think of only just having my first at the age I am now. I suppose because my oldest has already left home, I can’t get my head around the idea of starting now. I feel so old (20 years of parenting does that to you)

ah ok sorry i misunderstood what you meant. Yeah I totally get that

What could your teachers have done to help support you better?

I was a little older than you when I had my DD - and was classed as a teen mum - pregnant at 18. I was speaking to someone about it recently and was remembering how lonely being a teen mum is but yet because we are still figuring life out it feels like everything is non stop and there isn’t much time to breath.

My question is what support do you think teen mums really need? Or what support would you like to see for young mums.

I’m not OP but I was pregnant at 15 in the late 90’s. I was basically ‘constructively dismissed’ from my school.. I would have appreciated being able to drop my GCSE timetable down to 5-6 key subjects (I was previously predicted all A/A*), a little flexibility on uniform as my bump got bigger, time off for appointments, maternity leave equivalent around my due date (she was born heading into what would have been my study leave, so it would definitely have been doable).
Prior to my pregnancy I would have appreciated better safeguarding around my ‘relationship’ which was basically grooming by an older man.

Congratulations on beating the odds. You sound an enormously brave, grounded and self-assured young woman.
I hope whatever path you take brings you great joy and that you've passed your strength and compassion on to your son.
Wishing you both an amazing future.