I'm a secret SAHM alcoholic

[Theblondewino]

Married, two kids, stay at home mother and functioning alcoholic. Both my kids are happily playing with toys in front of me while I sip on my second vodka and sprite and wrap gifts for nieces birthday tomorrow

Hi op, I was depressed for a period of time while I was a sahm and I regret every second I wasn’t fully present for my dc. You know in your heart of hearts that it’s not responsible behaviour.

So what are you trying to avoid, blot out, distract yourself from, by drinking? What can you not face?

Would you contemplate seeing a therapist who is experienced with addiction issues?

It's not a secret.. get help. Your kids notice.

Of course it’s not a secret. People will smell it from you, and see it in your demeanour

Yeah, it’s not a secret; don’t kid yourself.

I guarantee everyone has most likely clocked it.

I know a school mum who was the same. She thought nobody knew when she turned up drunk at the school. We all knew she was loud, falling over and her eyes were glazed over.

Please please get yourself some help. If you can't do it for your own sake for it for your kids. You will ruin there lives if you don't.

How much do you spend a week on alcohol?

All that money could be spent on family treats instead.

Selfish.

You do know that people who don't drink can always smell alcohol off people that drink? At least I can! I smell it off a lot one father at the school gate - whisky. I can also smell it off my husband whenever he has had a drink. I also can smell it off someone the next day if they drank loads on a night out. And like a pp said I can also see it when the eyes are glazed over. Most people you can easily tell. I am a dd of an alcoholic though....my father was a functioning one...but of course I knew he drank daily because I could smell it and tell when he had his first drink because there was a slight change in him. He had a successful business and functioned as normal....until he got dementia in his late 60s (from drinking).

Please try and stop drinking spirits. I nearly died from drinking vodka. I know other drinks are bad but it's easier to control. When you drink spirits you don't realise how pissed you are.
Can you switch to wine? Then maybe go down to spritzers or beer?
You could already be suffering from liver disease. I hope you can try and cut down. I know it's hard. But the longer it goes on the worse it'll be.

Not at all, I don't get stupid drunk.

A push to get help perhaps. I'm fed up living like this.

I don't have a plan but I need one.

Husband comes home and has no idea. Never smells alcoholic and would mention it if he did, don't see any family regularly and no friends.

Yes.

Should they be at school or nursery or are they younger than that? How many kids are we talking here 1/2 or a litter?

Have you come here to brag or for validation? Or do you genuinely want help?

Yes, there are functioning alcoholics, but trust me, everyone around you will know.

It's different every day, I drink probably a half bottle of vodka/gin and 2-4 cocktail cans.

Husband knows I enjoy a drink at weekend evenings or with food at a restaurant, he doesn't know I drink at home when he's not here. My kids are 3 and 1

How long have you been doing this for?

Do you stop when your husband comes home or continue and just pretend you are having your first drink?

I think you are deluding yourself that your husband is unaware. I assume you don't drive?

Please see your GP.

I'm sorry, OP.
If only we could rewind our lives or change the onset, sometimes.
🍀

Do you drive drunk?

Is this a call for help @Theblondewino? Would you like people who have been in your situation to post advice or suggest resources for you to try?

Edit - I can’t offer you any myself, I have never been alcohol dependant. I’m the adult child of a ‘functioning’ alcoholic so can only come at this from a different perspective than the one that you might need.

Hat's off you to love. WELL DONE. This is the first step and it's the hardest.
And you did it. You said the words out loud. You faced up to your situation.
What you do next is up to you. But I applaud you for coming here and admitting you have a problem.

Tell your husband so he can help hold you accountable to quitting.

Join AA meetings.

Give up alcohol completely.

What was it that traumatised you? I would like to stop very much

That is a lot, it would be a good idea to stop before you get to the point of withdrawals when trying to quit. Make a plan and quit. Buy some books that can help advise you or might motivate you to stop. Plan some activities out to help distract you and perhaps let your dh know so you can have support to quit.