I'm a secret SAHM alcoholic

[Theblondewino]

Married, two kids, stay at home mother and functioning alcoholic. Both my kids are happily playing with toys in front of me while I sip on my second vodka and sprite and wrap gifts for nieces birthday tomorrow

Can I ask how you stopped? And well done.

Well, when they go to school the teachers will notice and likely a ss referral will be made. So you can either get on this ASAP or wait and be found out eventually.

That’s really not helpful. Especially when someone has opened up.

What will you do if one of your kids has a fall or gets sick and you need to get them to hospital urgently, what with there being no ambulances these days?

Not judging, been a heavy drinker myself until recently - but never ever when in the sole care of my children. I hope you make a call to AA or some other agency today before you pour your 3rd drink.

You must be exhausted.

I was like this a long time ago. I was so miserable that the only thing that kept me going was the dopamine hit i got from having a drink. My brain 🧠 convinced me it was the only was out of the misery.

I did recover but it will always be a daily battle. It needed a whole lifestyle change- going out ALL THE TIME. new friends, new hobbies.

it's hard when you're so isolated with little ones i understand

The kids will catch on quickly and grow up hypersensitised to the tiny changes in your voice and manner that mean you've had a drink. It's an awful way to live. Once an alcoholic has had a drink, they are just not really "there" any more. Bad enough with any family member, orders of magnitude worse for a child when it's their parent.

Oh Christ that's a lot. I was hoping you were kidding yourself you were functioning because you were having a couple of drinks a day, not double the weekly advised maximum units per day.
OP of you really mean it about changing, make today the day you start. At that level of drinking though, you may need medical help.
It's extraordinary that your husband hasn't noticed that level of drinking. Is that part of the problem? What is your relationship like?

I would say the first step is admitting the extent of your problem. Could you talk to your GP as a first port of call? Al-anon?

Do you not drive op?

I had a friend whose wife was an alcoholic and a friend whose mother was an alcoholic during his entire childhood. Believe me, the alcoholism destroyed their lives as well as the person who was drinking. The husband bitterly resented his wasted life with an alcoholic wife ( he was relieved when it finally killed her - he felt free and was like a man reborn). My friend with the alcoholic mother left home when he was 16 and has never contacted her since. She has never seen her grandchildren.

Speak to your health visitor if your children are that young, or your GP or family support service if they are older. There is help out there, especially as you have children.

I wasn't a SAHM but was a high functioning alcoholic for a lot of years.
I promise you can stop.
I'm now almost 17 years sober and never imagined I could stop drinking but I did with the help and support of AA.
Please get some help xx

I won't judge but please seek help. A close friend of mine has grown up with an in denial alcoholic mother who has been emotionally and at times physically abusive to said friend. Her mum refuses to accept there's an issue even with a diagnosis of liver cirrhosis. My friend has awful mental issues stemming from this. Don't do this to your children

@Theblondewino your children will be traumatised. You will say testy things you don't mean while drunk. You will accidentally hurt them and call them clumsy.

Now as they get older they will panic before any occasion, which mum is going to turn up, has she had a bottle of vodka or just two shots to keep her going.

You won't get medical help you need (for unrelated issues)as you will be scared that the dr will ask about your drinking.

If you husband can't see this he is being wilfully blind

Please please talk to him today. Ring him and tell him to come home now. It's an emergency, this cannot wait.

OP you have made the first step - recognising you have a problem . Please seek help, there are lots of places you can get this. My friend is 47 and currently on the liver ward because she is completely in denial of her alcoholism and doesn't think she is 'that bad'. She has lost her job, home and children and sadly I think it's too late for her. Get some help today. Good luck x

The reason I posted this was to hear other people's experiences as children of alcoholic or their own personal stories as alcoholics.

I have been drinking since I was 16 years old secretly.
I am 34 now.

I married the man I loved since I was basically a child, he has his own issues with alcoholic but has 2-3 beers now and calls it a night.

My father was an Alcoholic, up until the last 10 years he hasn't had a drop since, my mother never touched the stuff.

I don't ever get overly drunk. I space my drinks out over thr whole day/evening and as far as I know, nobody can tell.

I'm probably totally wrong and the neighbours are watching me wander the garden like a lost hen.

You can change. One day at a time. Don't give up on yourself..you can fix this. Get help, try different places if the support isn't right.

I’m so sorry OP.

I’m imagining you must have all kinds of concerns about asking for help - how will your husband react, how will your GP/HV react, will a plan be put in place for care of your children and so on.

But start with one step - contact AA and take it from there.

So much misunderstanding in the world about problems with alcohol. AA works for some but has an abysmal success rate because it comes from the 1930s with no scientific basis underpinning it.

look up The Sinclair Method and Rethink Drink. It works and was life changing for me. You can message me direct if you would like to know more.

How many drinks do you have a day and what are they?

OP would it be enough of a shock to you to know that when (not if) your dh finds out about this, there is a possibility he will simply divorce you and your access to your children will be weekly day visits via a contact centre?

How do you hide the empty bottles? How do you explain the cost?

It's such a sad thing to do, to be at home with your kids and drinking on your own. Have you read any self help books on alcoholism? I was listening to a Bryony Gordon podcast - she is an alcoholic - and she was talking to Millie Mackintosh about it. It might be worth a listen.

33. Bad Drunk: Millie Mackintosh on Sobriety, Motherhood, and Healing - The Life of Bryony | Podcast on Spotify

A lot of people have been helped by Allen Carr's Allen Carr's Stop Drinking Now: The Original Easyway Method (Audio Download): Allen Carr, Paul Thornley, Arcturus Digital Limited: Amazon.co.uk: Books

I am so sorry...x

I really needed to hear this it's made me think.