I'm a secret SAHM alcoholic

[Theblondewino]

Married, two kids, stay at home mother and functioning alcoholic. Both my kids are happily playing with toys in front of me while I sip on my second vodka and sprite and wrap gifts for nieces birthday tomorrow

Are you bored at home, housework and cooking aren’t that thrilling day in day out? Do you have friends?

It’s a slippery slope, you manage comfortably now because you aren’t drinking that much /developed a tolerance. It’ll grab hold of you and you’ll drink more, your body and mind can only take so much.
Wait until play dates and sleepovers start, or there is an emergency and you’ve drunk too much. You think you are in control but you’re not, the booze is.

Brave of you to post OP. I hope you find the strength to cut down and stop.

THIS!

Don't be that person for which it was all too little too late!

We all know a story - believe me you don't want to know mine. It's tragic. Don't be the star of a tragedy and leave your children to pick up the pieces. Everyone says it won't happen to me. It does happen to someone!

Enough said.

Please think about what you are doing and get help.
You havnt lost your husband yet, you havnt lost your home, yet.
You havnt lost your kids, yet. But, you stand a good chance of loosing everything. Is drink really worth that? Go to your doctor, or an AA meeting, whatever, but get help before it's too late.

Not a healthcare professional but as someone who had severe back pain, could this be your kidneys? It was the cause of my pain (congenital problem).

Worth a check with your GP.
Wishing you well on your journey. ❤️

Is it just me or are some being a little harsh on OP? They’ve reached out in desperation- can we not ALL support that brave move instead of questioning the whys/how’s or highlighting potential dangers? I’m sure OP knows this hence desperation. Maybe, as so many have asked, they want compassion- or maybe they do want some tough love- or told where to go for help. What do I know? 🤷🏻‍♀️ other than if you can see there might be a bigger picture might be at play, be kind.

Some will always be unkind, obviously acting superior is a boost to their own sad lives.
In this thread I think the majority of replies have been helpful though, which is good to see.

Well said @NovemberMorn

I’m past my fertile years now and for many reasons that aren’t important here I never had children iof my own. Looking back on things now I am certain this was for the best. Child rearing is such hard, relentless work, I’m certain I would’ve found the loneliness and exhaustion unbearable and not always made good decisions. Although my mum’s relationship with alcohol had (has) such an impact on me I cannot truthfully say I would’ve done a better job of mothering than she could.

i am full of admiration for anyone who begins a journey of change with addiction and know the first steps are so tiny, tentative and fragile.

Oh buggerations @CalmTheFireAndWarmTheIce I meant to tag you in as well as November in my post above. Sorry. Well said.

May I suggest some counselling for your grief? It may help with stopping the drink x

@MurdoMunro I have not heard “buggerations” for years!

No advice, lots of good supportive info above. Just wanted to say I'm so glad you reached out & have started thinking about stopping. Really good thinking about stopping is the first step ... well done! I wish you luck ❤️.

Atleast you recognize it. Thats the first step.

If you want to stop/get control of your drinking I would recommend brighteyecounselling forum. It's a great community and you will get lots of good advice and support from everyone. You don't need to commit to total abstinence if that's isn't what you want but admitting you have a problem and committing to change is the hardest step. Good luck

Do you have an idea what it is you are trying to escape or forget? I’ve got a bit of a similar situation and sometimes it feels like a couple of glasses of wine is the only way to deal with my concerns - well get some peace for a while anyway. What is it that’s bothering you so much hun???

That's your liver telling you it's not coping. I understand what you're going through, OP - I've been a binge drinker and alcoholic all my life. Although I rarely drink these days, when I do, it's always a total bender. 18 months ago, I became very ill with liver disease and it's taken a long time to get over. If I stopped drinking entirely, my liver would heal itself eventually. But I have never been able to stop entirely, I just go for very long periods between drinks.

I was once a daily drinker (abusive marriage in my 20s, nasty divorce at 30) and I'm honestly shocked I managed to hold down a full time job and manage my household admin during that time. I doubt I could do it these days (am 54 now).

I don't have kids and am single, so I'm really only hurting myself. But you, with husband and children, have a lot to live for and you need to be around for them all. Unfortunately, alcoholics like us just can't drink moderately - one is too much and also never enough. Get help where you can and stop drinking entirely. I stopped my daily drinking with the help of a good therapist.

You've taken the first step by admitting that you have a problem, something my mother never did and she passed away one month after her 73rd birthday. This has had an impact on my own alcohol consumption and I am now a very moderate drinker, I've just realised that I've done 'dry' January without any conscious effort. Without the appropriate help and support your drinking will only get worse and no longer 'secret'. This will embarrass your children and make them not want you to attend their school events or to have other children round to play. Have you also thought about the potential danger that you are putting them in, for example if they needed urgent medical help you could be over the drink driving limit. Please don't make you children ashamed of you, reach out and get help now. You don't mention a partner, just wondered if they are aware? Good luck, I sincerely hope you get help to quit alcohol.

Is your back pain upper back pain, it could be your pancreas? You should really speak to your GP as you certainly need to stop drinking. The good thing is that you’re able to go for long periods without alcohol which is a very good sign. You can do it, you just need the motivation and in all honestly if you want to live long enough to see your kids get married you need to quit now. If you drink daily you’ll need to cut back slowly not suddenly as you could have withdrawals. Speak to your GP. Your kids deserve to have a mum around, if you actually love them you’ll stop as they may end up motherless if you continue. Reading your posts tells me that you want to stop, so make your number one thing to do tomorrow morning to speak to your GP, also AA. You can do it.

‘Pack and leave’? Her children? Her home? What a ludicrous remark…she needs support not moral outrage.

Your back pain is probably your kidneys….you need to seek help if you want to see your kids grow up xx

People who experience kidney pain during or after drinking alcohol should contact a physician. It is especially important to seek medical care if the pain worsens with time. Kidney pain is often an early sign of kidney damage. Kidney pain feels like a dull ache in the lower back.

This 💕

Does your husband drink too when he gets home? Otherwise it’s so strange that he doesn’t realise you’re a problem drinker. Well done for acknowledging that you are on here. You may have no friends but you are not alone…umpteen others are drinking too, and not functioning well at all. It can only get worse if you don’t make positive steps to change. Hopefully this is your first one. Umpteen others have been able to change, though without the support of your husband and those around you it will be harder. They can’t help if they don’t know there’s a problem. Good luck 🤞🏻 💕

Kudos for sharing this. It's a first step. One step at a time. As they get older they will know.
When my DP confided to us at 50 that he was an alcoholic we all responded the same - yes I know. I grew up with you!
Despite this awareness of how unhealthy my childhood was, I still ended up in codependent relationships with alcoholics/ addicts for many years before I managed to avoid these relationships. I'm hoping you can find a way through it for yourself and family. Best of luck

Totally unhelpful post, more likely to encourage secrecy than asking for help and support. Stoking the fire is just compounding her problem

Husband of wife with an "inappropriate relationship with alcohol. The website https://bottled-up.com/ has information for drinkers and those affected by drinkers.