I am the real Father Christmas. AMA.

[SantaHoHoHo]

I am not as jolly as you think I am. I am underused most of the year, and overworked for a day. Totally underpaid. Fed up of being asked to work miracles, uphold traditions and spread joy. AMA.

You’re so gullible. It’s not even me.

Ahh I guess that makes more sense.
Ok can I have a ( yet to be invented ) hover car instead please ?

Fucking cracking up with this thread!!

Santa, what I'd like to know is how now, with all gifts bought, DS is convinced you're aware he wants a skateboard and are bringing it, despite him not asking in person when we came to see you. He says he talked to you in secret. When the hell was this?!

Listen, I don’t appreciate being used by ineffective parents to bring their kids into line. Give ‘em coal, or give ‘em a present. I’m not bothered either way.

You need valium and a holiday

Are you ever going to treat Rudolphs nose infection?! Poor fucker's been suffering for years.

To be fair, you’re probably gonna have to make do with a clicky pen or make it happen yourself.

Give them a slinky, Santa.

Only the kids who live in bungalows

How do you manage to be in several different grottos all at exactly the same time.

Who fucking knows. I’ve got kids whispering to me left, right and centre. Mostly I just nod but I don’t always deliver.

you’re describing a large number of women there!

Fuck that shit. Tangled and in the bin by New Year.

Have I been naughty or nice this year?

😢😢😢

Is there a Mrs Santa?

Look Father Christmas (or Santa, or whatever your name is), I'm 67 now and I bloody well want that Dalek. Are you open to bribery?

Your son sounds great

How do you attend so many Christmas events at this time of year or do you send mates?

I assume you do Lapland UK?

If one of the reindeer dies mid-delivery, what do you do?

Why do you give more presents to rich kids than to poor kids, eh Santa?

I mean, the thread answers that surely. He's on MN, he hates poor people.

How big's your chocolate log?

I’m not disagreeing. Problem with being famous is that I get recognised EVERYWHERE and get bombarded with questions about Mr Frosties and Girls’ Worlds. That’s no way to relax.

I like your thinking. Maybe I’m missing opportunities…