I'm a funeral arranger. AMA!

[Moonsick]

Happy to answer any questions anyone might have about funerals to the best of my ability!

Do you like your job? I am involved with my local crem through work so meet a lot of funeral directors. I’m always struck by how nice they all are and think it must be such a good and rewarding job.

I do love most aspects of it. I love meeting the families and finding out about their loved ones, I love the rapport and relationship we build up.

I get some lovely feedback after the ceremony, people appreciate my service and I really feel like I helped them say goodbye in the way they want. I keep every thank you card and email.

I am part of a great team and my manager is fabulous. We really rely on each other because we see so much raw emotion and pain every day and emotionally it's so hard to keep boundaries up enough to not cry all the time.

Ooh an interesting AMA for a change!

Sorry I'm greedy , two questions

How common is it for people to view the body before cremation/burial?

Do you believe in the afterlife?

Thank you so much for posting!

How many go against the deceased wishes and where do you stand in this?

If no one wants to arrange or pay for the funeral for instance if someone dies but their only relations had gone no contact some years ago what happens?

Viewing: I would say 50% view and 50% don't view. Some are adamant that they won't, some are adamant that they will and quite a few change their minds. It helps some people immensely but others find it more distressing. I can advise but I can't make the decision for people. One option is always a closed coffin and I am happy to open the coffin if people want.

Afterlife: I'm an atheist generally, but respect everyone's faith. I do sometimes feel, hear or smell things I can't explain whilst I am at work, byt I don't know how much is my imagination!

One so far. But it was a solicitor acting as executor for someone with no living family.

I always encourage my families to consider what their loved ones would have wanted.

Do you ask for payment in advance? The average funeral is what £4k plus. I know people can get carried away.

If there is money in the estate then that would be used in the funeral I believe.

If there is no money then the council or DWP can step in. They will pay for the cheapest option (a direct cremation) but it can be a drawn out process whilst they look for willing relatives.

Would you refuse to let a relative view the deceased, if you felt they weren’t ‘viewable’, or would you let them make that decision for themselves. I’ve struggled with a couple of situations in which the deceased seemed to become the funeral director’s property once they were involved.

Second Q if you don’t mind. What are your preferences for your own funeral? Will you opt for direct cremation or will you have a full funeral?

We have several options:

• 50% upfront and 50% payable within three weeks of the funeral.

• if evidence is provided from a bank that there are sufficient funds in a loved one's bank account then the family can take the invoice to the bank and they will pay us directly

-a loan from companies like Funeralsafe

• a cheaper option such as a direct cremation which is around £1500

• the government provide several thousand as part of their bereavement scheme if you meet certain criteria

• if the deceased is under 18 we dont't charge our fee, nether do the crematoria we use or the celebrants we use

@Moonsick thank you ☺️

I would never stop someone visiting their loved one. Ever. During office hours you can visit as often and for as long as you wish, I had one lady come in daily to read her husband the paper.

If we really feel like the person is in a situation where it is likely to be traumatic for the loved one we would have that conversation and have them sign a waiver.

That has only happened once to me

That depends on the funeral home. I paid a £1000 deposit and then the rest was payable within 30 days.

I usually use Benylin, but what do you find is best for your coffins?

I have been thinking about a career change into funeral services. I have had some cemetery experience in my previous roles and it piqued an interest.

How did you get started? And if you weren't in the role you're doing now which would you like to be in? (Still within your industry)

Can you please explain more about the sounds/smells/feelings you touched upon?

Do you do eco friendly funerals? What happens to the brass handles and mahogany of old fashioned coffins in a crematorium- are they burned too?

I've heard about the under 18s not being charged for before and wonder how well known this is everytime I see a Go Fund Me for a child's funeral. Although I imagine the no charge only extends so far so if they want something quite large/expensive then there will be something to pay.

If I am still working for the company I am with they will give us a "free funeral" so we wouldn't have to pay the fees or for the coffin. My family are aware and I have told them to take advantage and who the best celebrants are currently.

If I am no longer working there then I am happy to let my family choose.

My daughter wants a direct cremation and so does my husband.

Does it ever affect you? How do you retain composure? Thank you for all you do for families x

Do you ever get tearful if dealing with a particularly sad case of death? (A child, a bad accident etc) I know all deaths are sad but I just feel that these would affect me more than an elderly person dying of old age if that makes sense!

Thanks for doing what you do! 💐

I was in care before. I like looking after people, I am interested in people. I wanted a job where I could still help people but was less physical.

It's a very admin based job which a lot of people don't realise, there is a lot of paperwork etc behind the scenes.

There was a Funeral Arranger AMA done in February 2022 by Sausagedogsarethebest which went on for many pages.