I'm a funeral arranger. AMA!

[Moonsick]

Happy to answer any questions anyone might have about funerals to the best of my ability!

Yes I know. And I take great pains to make sure my families don't smell it.

Sometimes it is just the special sprays, creams and air fresheners we use rather than deterioration. The combination also has a very distinctive smell.

Hello @Moonsick thank you for this informative and interesting thread, and for all you do.

My question is about overweight people. My family member is very large and weighs 22 stone. Would this affect anything? Thinking in particular the coffin would need to be much larger than usual, and possibly not carried by the funeral staff on shoulders? Is there anything else we should be aware of?

Thank you.

Coffin- coffins come in three standard sizes, but if someone doesn't fit in one of our core seven styles then we could have a special coffin made for no extra charge. Other coffin types and suppliers we use don't offer larger coffins so coffin choice would be limited to those adaptable ranges.

Embalming- we would recommend embalming as the larger someone is the faster they can deteriorate. This isn't the case for everyone and it's just a recommendation.

Bearers- our four bearers are limited to 130kg including the coffin which can be 20-30kg by itself. With a cremation we would use a wheeled bier. With a burial we would supply six bearers rather than the usual four as we couldn't use a wheeled bier due to the uneven ground. Family members are welcome to carry if the coffin is long enough.

Crematoria- some crematoria have smaller chambers than others so it might not be possible to have a cremation at your chosen crematorium.

Plot- if they are very large a double burial plot might need to be purchased

I’ve asked loads of questions already but I’m fascinated by everything to do with this topic. I’ve always wanted to know more about exhumations, is that something that funeral companies get involved with or is it carried out by separate businesses? I heard that when moving older human remains, say for development of the site, exhumers must be vaccinated against smallpox. Do you have to have any extra vaccinations or take special precautions when the deceased had any viruses?

Still happy to answer questions

We don't get involved in many exhumations, one or two every six months maybe.

All the crew, Funeral Directors and arrangers have a schedule of vaccinations that we can have for free through the company. I have access to fewer than the crew, as I don't do care and preparation or handle the sharps.

Thank you, it’s a fascinating thread.

Thank you for the answers! I didn't know what embalming was until I just googled it, so that was helpful to know.

Another question...

What would you do if a situation brought you to tears in front of the family? I know you're all so professional but surely sometimes things get to you. For me, for example, I am much more weepy when I'm due on my period! Would you always be able to hold it in? I'd love to do it as a job as I feel quite passionate that death is so important, but I'm a massive crier so could never do it unfortunately (I've actually worked on this a lot in my life and I can't seem to stop- I cry at everything and it drives me bananas!) as I know it wouldn't be fair on the families.

Usually if the family are crying, they don't notice if you shed a little tear or two as well. If they are very upset we are encouraged to leave them for a few minutes to calm down, especially if there is family present.

During an arrangement I am also up and down like a yo-yo with brochures and printing and paperwork so I can collect myself a bit. Likewise getting them more drinks or biscuits.

The worst for me are the men who obviously don't usually cry, but are sobbing their hearts out over their mother.

Most of the time I channel professional funeral arranger, especially after a few years. There is not much I haven't seen and I've built up walls to stop myself taking too much home.

But every client gets some tears out of me one way or another in their time that they need my services.

What happens if there is a paid-up funeral plan in place, but from so long ago that the person has obviously died since then but the plan wasn't used? Has this ever happened at your firm? Do you have a process to check this?

You can look for and trace funeral plans via the National Association of Funeral Providers (nafpp) website nafpp.org and then clicking on Find My Plan.

If you phoned me up and asked I would have to direct you to them.

What is the latest time you can have a cremation, eg if you wanted an evening or late night funeral?

That depends on the crematorium.

None of the ones near me go later than 4.30pm, as they start before 7am.

Usually 7-9am slots are reserved for direct cremations.