I am a submissive woman, married to my Dominant. We practice 24/7 lifestyle D/s.

[BellaDelBosco]

A fellow mumsnetter suggested it would be interesting for me to post an AMA and here I am.

I ran a search in previous AMAs and I believe this subject has not been tackled. There was a previous thread from a male submissive and a tradwife but I do not think there is one written by a submissive woman. I mean, there was a poor masochist sub who tried to start a conversation but did not quite go to plan and she did not come back on the thread. I hope this attempt will generate an interesting discussion and I'll be able to dispel some myths.

The context: I have been married to my Dominant for over twenty years and we are still very very much in love, in fact we are totally enthralled by each other. We met in an unusual setting but not specifically BDSM-oriented. I had previous experience and it was I who suggested this setup, which was really clarifying and expressing a dynamic already present in our relationship. We had couple counselling, read books and we still work at our relationship every day.

Why this could be interesting: BDSM references are more and more present, in TV programs and social media. There are whole series dedicated to it (Netflix Bonding) It's relatively easy to gather experiences from professionals in the field, esp. Dominants, but to hear the true voices of people who have made this as a lifestyle choice throughout the years it is harder. There are also false narratives of BDSM that are portrayed by erotic literature but, again, the lived experience of real life couples is different. My life is very similar to an ordinary life in many ways but it has also some not ordinary aspects, that I am willing to open up.

My boundaries: this is what we call a 'hard limit': I am going to respond to questions related to sexual habits only in a very broad, general way as 1. this is not the place and 2. it is mainly a relationship style, and it is a spiritual relationship, the sexual aspect is a byproduct and a means of communication of other aspects. I am also not going to respond to DMs. If you have questions please ask on the thread. Finally, another point of interesting discussion could be how this lifestyle has brought us to be still so happy together through the decades when many marriages and in divorce within a few years.

The timings: I live a structured, busy life so please do not be alarmed if I'm not responding immediately.

edited as I caught a typo.

Thank you for starting this thread with this topic. I'm very much hoping this is genuine as I have a question I'd love to have answered.

In my imagination, it's the sub who actually holds all the power. Is there anything in your lived experience which might bear this out?

Any examples you would care to share ?

Yup, don't keep him waiting or he'll take away the cushion and make you put your hands on your head.

I haven't actually read anything from the OP that sounds submissive to me. If anything, it sounds like OP is manipulating her DH into feeling like the big man, while he brings her coffee in bed and does everything she wants.

OP - is there any part of your life that you actually dislike, but submit to because your DH says so?

Yeah, not buying it, OP. Very oblique answers.

What you’re describing, and probably hoping to experience on this board, is humiliation. Self-humiliation.

So basically you can't say no to whatever he tells you to do??!

This is my exact thought on this. There's no answering of questions. It's just all theory.

Who changed nappies?
What was your experience of early parenthood?
How was your children's sleep in the beginning?
Did your children stay home with one parent or go to nursery?
Who decided?
Whose career took the most hit from having children?
What was it like in the workplace after kids in such a relationship - were there any issues settling back into work? When did you go back to work?

I want to know about the maternity leave, looking after young babies and work life as a working mum.

Child rearing and babies in this relationship are the most interesting part, tell me all about it.

Is your relationship different from the ‘surrendered wife’ / patriarchal relationship because it is in essence a sexual preference / dynamic/ fetish? Or is it not different? What is the difference between living daily domestic life as a ‘sub’ and living in, say, a trad patriarchal fundamentalist Christian marriage?

she does.

Well as her kids are adult that stage has long gone.

Thanks for this. From now on I am going to trust my instinct because when I read the OP’s posts I kept hearing a man’s voice in my head.

Where most of us would run to the divorce courts OP has convinced herself it’s normal, in every little way.

As she sounds southern I’ll just leave this here “bless your heart”.

If it's all done by consent and at any time you can say no, how does the dominant role have any meaning?

I can kind of understand how people might like being bossed around by a forceful partner, if that was their genuine personality. But if you know that his "no" means nothing because he'll recant it if you ask him to, what is the appeal?

What? Oh no a PBP

Having read all the OP's responses now, I think she wants to convince us of the innate superiority of such a relationship over the type where we hamfistedly struggle along trying to make it work without feeling the need to discuss it overmuch and most of the time "enthralled" is not a word we'd use in any context (D/S or otherwise) about our partner ("enraged", perhaps)

Still want to know how it works if one of them gets very sick or has disabilities. Not much room for theory there, just doing.

@Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain even if they've grown up, the dynamic and how it works when they're little would have a huge effect.

I'm also interested in the ongoing career effects, how it affects your future and your ambition etc as having support at home makes a huge difference. Looking after children when they're young, in a relationship with children, is a very very large part of the relationship.

Intriguing post, thank you.

I'm curious about your cultural background. Can you divulge ?

Also, the majority of MNetters seem to be in UK, but I don't think you are?

Apologies if someone has asked this already, but supposing you woke up one day and decided this lifestyle no longer works for you, what do you think would happen to your relationship? Have you both always been in to the D/S, or did it grow organically between the two of you?

Basically yes. Look at us you poor deluded creatures who will never have this lifestyle, love, adoration that we share. Only possible with our lifestyle. Oh and our love, adoration etc is the best, we’ve been in pageants to win this! 😂

What a load of old nonsense.