I am a submissive woman, married to my Dominant. We practice 24/7 lifestyle D/s.

[BellaDelBosco]

A fellow mumsnetter suggested it would be interesting for me to post an AMA and here I am.

I ran a search in previous AMAs and I believe this subject has not been tackled. There was a previous thread from a male submissive and a tradwife but I do not think there is one written by a submissive woman. I mean, there was a poor masochist sub who tried to start a conversation but did not quite go to plan and she did not come back on the thread. I hope this attempt will generate an interesting discussion and I'll be able to dispel some myths.

The context: I have been married to my Dominant for over twenty years and we are still very very much in love, in fact we are totally enthralled by each other. We met in an unusual setting but not specifically BDSM-oriented. I had previous experience and it was I who suggested this setup, which was really clarifying and expressing a dynamic already present in our relationship. We had couple counselling, read books and we still work at our relationship every day.

Why this could be interesting: BDSM references are more and more present, in TV programs and social media. There are whole series dedicated to it (Netflix Bonding) It's relatively easy to gather experiences from professionals in the field, esp. Dominants, but to hear the true voices of people who have made this as a lifestyle choice throughout the years it is harder. There are also false narratives of BDSM that are portrayed by erotic literature but, again, the lived experience of real life couples is different. My life is very similar to an ordinary life in many ways but it has also some not ordinary aspects, that I am willing to open up.

My boundaries: this is what we call a 'hard limit': I am going to respond to questions related to sexual habits only in a very broad, general way as 1. this is not the place and 2. it is mainly a relationship style, and it is a spiritual relationship, the sexual aspect is a byproduct and a means of communication of other aspects. I am also not going to respond to DMs. If you have questions please ask on the thread. Finally, another point of interesting discussion could be how this lifestyle has brought us to be still so happy together through the decades when many marriages and in divorce within a few years.

The timings: I live a structured, busy life so please do not be alarmed if I'm not responding immediately.

edited as I caught a typo.

Nah, just sceptical 🤣

You haven't answered my question

OP- do you know other couples in a similar dynamic? Do you socialise with them?

Do your friends know your dynamic? What’s their view?

So what would happen if your husband told you, from now on, you have to sleep outside and eat scraps from the bin? Would you do it because he told you to? Or would you tell him no? If you can just go ahead and say no then you're not really subservient at all are you? You're as in control as he is, you just choose to sit on a cushion or whatever you do that you're pretending makes you 'lesser' than him. It's a game, not reality.

Having to sit on the floor and not the sofa to me seems a little extreme. What about when you have dinner are you allowed to sit at the table with him or do you have to wait until the masters finished and you've done the dishes and then you're allowed yours?

Thank you for sharing, I love hearing about people’s lives in a more in depth way than a passing comment.

What I am interested to know is, apart from your sexual inclinations, in what way does this differ from an old fashioned/traditional marriage?

And, I hope you don’t mind me asking, are you on the autistic spectrum?

Ah you didn't answer my question... what happens if you want to sit on the sofa hypothetically?! Or when you are ill?

I'm guessing if he wants her on the sofa, she gets on the sofa.

I just don't understand the point of sitting on a cushion when there is a perfectly good seat available on a sofa. It's making yourself uncomfortable in a way which provides no realistic benefit to either of you.

Why has Op posted an AMA and then very vaguely answered about 2 questions from the dozens that she has been asked...? I'd ask her but sge won't reply.

OP has posted 16 times and answered quite a lot. You can see this very easily if you click "see all" on one of her posts.

If you only do this when no-one else is around, even your children, then surely it's all false and artificial? Why aren't you prepared to be submissive in front of others?

Exactly.

The OP states on another thread that she's Low Contact with family.

This is often a massive red flag when coupled with what comes down to Total Control by the husband.

If she doesn't do it in front of the kids, it's because deep down she knows it's wrong and unhealthy.

Perhaps because she's at his feet and lower than him. Maybe there's a masochistic element in that it's uncomfortable.

She hasn't answered how he's holding her from the sofa. It must be equally as uncomfortable for him to watch the TV whilst (joyfully) cradling her.

This is a marriage, based on consent and love, so no of course he's not going to treat his wife like a dog nor would the thought ever cross his mind! The OP relinquishes control voluntarily as a gift to the man she respects and loves, who she has critically assessed as being a good decent person that puts her needs first and foremost. So no he's not going to make her bark like a dog so he can film it for his friends or whatever. I think you're misunderstanding what a true sub/dominant relationship actually is, and mistaking it for abuse

(Sorry OP for replying to a post meant for you)

I think you can afford to live like this because you’re lucky enough to have a kind and empathetic partner. Ironically, it seems that you’re wanting to control the narrative by setting up this dominant/submissive role play and he is submissively playing the controller role (from some of the things you’ve said).

Immagine if he was an actual controlling bastard, you might not enjoy the role play so much then as it’d be a bit too real.

I totally agree
with this- it is depressing

This is so messed up.

Forgive me for being blunt OP, but I assume you were abused as a child/teen? There’s no way that someone without trauma would choose this life. Either that or the whole thread is bullshit.

that appears needy

Did you sit on a cushion on the floor when you were third trimester pregnant?
What about post partum?
When you were breastfeeding?
When you were pregnant again and looking after a toddler?

Did he change dirty nappies?
How much maternity leave did you take and was this his choice or yours?
Did he take paternity leave? What did he do on it?

Would you be on the cushion if you had a cancer diagnosis?
What about covid? The flu? A bad back?

I just have a feeling that by reading and posting I am taking part in someone's sexual fantasy.
(It is not a turn on)