I am a submissive woman, married to my Dominant. We practice 24/7 lifestyle D/s.

[BellaDelBosco]

A fellow mumsnetter suggested it would be interesting for me to post an AMA and here I am.

I ran a search in previous AMAs and I believe this subject has not been tackled. There was a previous thread from a male submissive and a tradwife but I do not think there is one written by a submissive woman. I mean, there was a poor masochist sub who tried to start a conversation but did not quite go to plan and she did not come back on the thread. I hope this attempt will generate an interesting discussion and I'll be able to dispel some myths.

The context: I have been married to my Dominant for over twenty years and we are still very very much in love, in fact we are totally enthralled by each other. We met in an unusual setting but not specifically BDSM-oriented. I had previous experience and it was I who suggested this setup, which was really clarifying and expressing a dynamic already present in our relationship. We had couple counselling, read books and we still work at our relationship every day.

Why this could be interesting: BDSM references are more and more present, in TV programs and social media. There are whole series dedicated to it (Netflix Bonding) It's relatively easy to gather experiences from professionals in the field, esp. Dominants, but to hear the true voices of people who have made this as a lifestyle choice throughout the years it is harder. There are also false narratives of BDSM that are portrayed by erotic literature but, again, the lived experience of real life couples is different. My life is very similar to an ordinary life in many ways but it has also some not ordinary aspects, that I am willing to open up.

My boundaries: this is what we call a 'hard limit': I am going to respond to questions related to sexual habits only in a very broad, general way as 1. this is not the place and 2. it is mainly a relationship style, and it is a spiritual relationship, the sexual aspect is a byproduct and a means of communication of other aspects. I am also not going to respond to DMs. If you have questions please ask on the thread. Finally, another point of interesting discussion could be how this lifestyle has brought us to be still so happy together through the decades when many marriages and in divorce within a few years.

The timings: I live a structured, busy life so please do not be alarmed if I'm not responding immediately.

edited as I caught a typo.

why be so bitchy?

Am I the only one with a mental picture of OP standing over some unobtrusive little man in his slippers.. "Turn off that football now Nigel, Ive a busy schedule, and it's time to dominate me!" "Yes dear"

Clearly we’re all dying to know more about submissively watching football on a floor cushion.

i experimented when I was younger and dipped my toe into dom/sub stuff. I hooked up with a guy and I honestly just found it so cringe. He made me kneel with an ashtray on my head while he had a cigarette and I had to surpress giggles at how stupid I looked. I made excuses and left.
it was then I realised I just liked being lazy in bed and wanted someone else to do all the work 😂

Honestly this made me giggle. AMA but I am not going to answer. 😂

particularly not about how he was holding me from the sofa.

what a load of nonsense.

I don’t understand why some people are so rude and critical - or so hard of thinking. It’s an ama not aibu.

I’m not great at visualising, but I can picture a man sitting on a sofa and a woman sitting on a cushion on the floor next to him, leaning against his legs perhaps, with e.g. his hand on her shoulder, or holding hands. Or that perhaps he asked her to come for a cuddle? It’s not some amazing ‘gotcha’ moment… and I don’t understand why people are looking for this?

This lifestyle might not suit most people, but at least it’s a couple who are talking and putting work into the relationship, which is more than many couples do.

What is a sentimental week?

Where you feel sad and look over old photos?

‘Darling, don’t forget it’s our drinks and dynamic evening tonight, to discuss our sentimental week. I won’t forget my cushion’

😂

Darling, don’t forget it’s our drinks and dynamic evening tonight, to discuss our sentimental week. I won’t forget my cushion’

🤣

Just reposting this for the many that seem to have missed it.

Sillystrumpet
I just wrote out a balanced and kind post answering Leeloo's question, giving all the reasons why we were not hard of thinking, but thinking. Hopefully answering Leeloo's question
Including the being caring about OP.
It was deleted!

Can you also imagine the sort of character and mindset a man must need to want to dominate his partner and have her 'enslaved' to him? Because maybe I'm lacking in imagination or critical thinking skills, as I can't fathom how a decent person could get pleasure from treating another human being this way if its for real.
The justification that he's 'really' kind and loving and respectful and only does it because she wants it doesn't work either in the context of a healthy relationship. Because all that means is she's actually the one directing the relationship, and persuading a decent man into behaving in an abusive way, surpressing his real decent character, to meet her needs (which would arguably be abusive to him).
I couldn't care less about cushions and football but I would like the OP to square that circle.

You did. I read before the deletion. You made excellent points, respectfully and politely.

5128gap
That was what I was aiming at.
I think it must have been my reference to sentence balancing.

She was troll hunting.

PiranhaPeaches.

No, I wasn't. Doubt you had a chance to read it.
Merely speculating about the reasons for the initial post, and wondering about the 'needs' of the person who posted, and a statement about what is consensual regarding the readers of the post.

This is a question, not a criticism, would you care to share why you are hunting down supposed troll hunters?

She wasnt. She raised questions on the authenticity of the OP as one possibility amongst many. People have questioned the genuineness of the OP from the start. There have been responses suggesting the OP is a man describing his own fantasy, that it's AI etc all over the thread. Its unfortunate that the response that was reported/deleted also raised some interesting points that will now be lost. I suppose its easier than coming up with a counter argument to her views though.

I read it and reported it. Saying things like "if this is real" and accusing OP of being a man getting off on it - no matter how much word salad you add around it - is troll hunting.

She wasnt. She raised questions on the authenticity of the OP

You've completely contradicted yourself and said PP was troll hunting. So I'm glad we agree.

We don't agree. You have a simplistic approach to the term. Mine is more nuanced.

but the bottom line is however you dress it up or however the word salad, and i can understand your reasoning but if its still troll hunting then its still troll hunting however correct you believe yourself to be