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Original poster

My DS wants to be a girl

201 replies

UndertheCedartree · 20/04/2024 23:29

Not a situation I imagined being in. But he has wanted to be a girl for 4 years now. He's 17 and autistic.

OP posts:
Corksoles · 21/04/2024 16:23

Hmm12121 · 21/04/2024 16:03

I cannot understand why anyone would think that a young person would choose to go through years of transitioning, lack of medical support and risk of alienation just because they fancied being the opposite gender. Why would anyone choose that?

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Then why are they doing it? Because they feel a deep unease with being male/female in a world which imposes hideous sex-based restrictions and expectations mostly on women but also on men?
The answer to that is to take up political arms - become an active feminist, fight the fucking patriarchy - not cut your boobs or your penis off.

ExhaustedPigeon3 · 21/04/2024 16:27

Nevercloserfortherestofourlives · 21/04/2024 16:14

What is changing about her body and what ramifications will this have in later life ? I’m assuming puberty blockers.
Everything you have said apart from this seems compassionate, accepting and what most parents would want to do; ie accept their child for who they are.
Also, as you say, experimentation and confusion is part and parcel of being a teenager. Long hair, a different name, opposite sex clothes are not damaging.
Young people should absolutely be supported to express themselves. However they should not be given potentially damaging drugs, when no rigorous medical trials have been done. You can be dying of cancer and not have drugs which have not been subjected to the appropriate trials.
which is as it should be. Do no harm.
I wish you and your daughter every happiness and success.

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Thank you.
As waiting lists for the Gender Clinic are so long she is under a private gender clinic who prescribe her with what is essentially hormone replacement. The same as she would receive under the NHS clinic. To receive these she had to have many sessions with a trained specialist plus reports from her GP to ensure this was the right track for her. I was concerned about her taking something which would change her body but , as I said, she was 18 and pays for them herself. She has also had other counselling. Our experience hasn’t been ‘oh you feel like you are a girl, yeah of course you can be a girl’ it’s been rollercoaster of emotions and discussion and exploration and acceptance of her and I absolutely see how much it has changed her outlook on life. She is much happier, her mental health is better, she, on the whole, is just accepted. She is just her, just as I am just me and you are you.

ExhaustedPigeon3 · 21/04/2024 16:28

I’ve realised that my poster name keeps changing! How annoying! I am hmm12121 as well. Still the same person 😉

ExhaustedPigeon3 · 21/04/2024 16:29

Corksoles · 21/04/2024 16:23

Then why are they doing it? Because they feel a deep unease with being male/female in a world which imposes hideous sex-based restrictions and expectations mostly on women but also on men?
The answer to that is to take up political arms - become an active feminist, fight the fucking patriarchy - not cut your boobs or your penis off.

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Do they?

ivs · 21/04/2024 16:34

ItDoesntHaveToBeDave · 21/04/2024 00:08

What does he think "being a girl" actually is?

Does he realise that he can't "be a girl" because he doesn't have the internal structure of one? He never had periods that started when he was not out of childhood, had to take sanitary products to school age 9 and dread changing a pad in the loo because of the sound that everyone heard, and be scared to death of leaking blood every month because you had to do PE in tiny shorts that showed your knickers. Does he realise that he is lucky never to know the cramps that almost disable you every month that ruin your life for days/weeks? The hormone that dictate your life?

Does he know the embarrassment of having bosoms at 10 years old before anyone else. Hiding in the corner of the changing room because everyone is seeing your bosoms and you just want to cry at being spotlighted as "developing"???

Does he know that as a "girl" you are a target for men to look at/ appraise and sneer at if you are not "up to their standards"?

Will he ever know the pain/worry/hormonal and physical changes that happen when you are pregnant and give birth? The feeding of a baby when it feels as though hot needles are being put into your nipples, but you carry on regardless because you are a mother?

No, no and no again.

Putting on a frock and slapping on a bit of lippy does not make you feel like a girl. He will never know what it is like.

Please dont pander to this stupidness @UndertheCedartree . He obviously needs help, but he is not and will never will be a girl, simply because he is not and never will be one so cannot possibly know what "feeling like a girl" ACTUALLY is.

My periods started at 14

I dont have crippling crmaps

I didnt have to hide my developing breasts with shame

I breastfeed my children, and it wasnt painful

Does this make me less of a woman?

Tristar15 · 21/04/2024 16:35

WaitingForMojo · 21/04/2024 00:47

What did you hope to achieve by starting this thread on such a notoriously transphobic site?

It isn’t transphobic to be concerned about women’s rights being eroded. Most of the posts I see on here are from women you are genuinely concerned that safe spaces for females are at risk for example. This is not transphobia.

ivs · 21/04/2024 16:35

** cramps - I know I could have edited, but I didnt want it too look edited

Corksoles · 21/04/2024 16:35

ExhaustedPigeon3 · 21/04/2024 16:29

Do they?

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You don't know why?

You said it wasn't because they just fancied it? So I'm hazarding a guess as to why anyone would take very potent drugs with significant side effects and perhaps surgically remove genitals. Do you want to tell us why?

Tristar15 · 21/04/2024 16:36

ivs · 21/04/2024 16:34

My periods started at 14

I dont have crippling crmaps

I didnt have to hide my developing breasts with shame

I breastfeed my children, and it wasnt painful

Does this make me less of a woman?

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Of course it doesn’t. But many of your experiences will be uniquely female which is what this poster is getting at. Don’t pretend you’ve missed the point 🙄

ivs · 21/04/2024 16:37

Tristar15 · 21/04/2024 16:36

Of course it doesn’t. But many of your experiences will be uniquely female which is what this poster is getting at. Don’t pretend you’ve missed the point 🙄

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I'm not missing the point - the post was very "this is what happens to women" indicating all women

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 21/04/2024 16:40

Still no answer to how MN is transphobic?

If it's just about a feeling then why the body modifications?

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 21/04/2024 16:41

Nevercloserfortherestofourlives · 21/04/2024 15:59

Yes but you don’t want to be a woman, you just are one

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Well, I not only am one, I also want to be one.

OP posts:
Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 21/04/2024 16:43

Nevercloserfortherestofourlives · 21/04/2024 16:18

What does your child think a woman is and why ?
Really not trying to be antagonistic just want to gain some insight

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A female adult because that is what 'woman' means.

OP posts:
Tristar15 · 21/04/2024 16:45

ivs · 21/04/2024 16:37

I'm not missing the point - the post was very "this is what happens to women" indicating all women

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They are examples of what many women experience but not all. I think if the poster tried to list all of the things that are uniquely but not universally female she’d need a whole website! She selected some examples from her experiences which are perfectly fine to illustrate the problem of men claiming to be women. You did miss the point as your sarcastic response illustrated.

lifeturnsonadime · 21/04/2024 16:46

Do you think that he is influenced by people like Dylan Mulavaney?

Do you think that given that he knows that he is not a girl, you have stated that he knows that only female people are girls, he is striving for something that is impossible and that this kind of influence (of individuals like Dylan) causes mental health issues?

What do you think the outcome will be for him when he's an adult?

ivs · 21/04/2024 16:48

Tristar15 · 21/04/2024 16:45

They are examples of what many women experience but not all. I think if the poster tried to list all of the things that are uniquely but not universally female she’d need a whole website! She selected some examples from her experiences which are perfectly fine to illustrate the problem of men claiming to be women. You did miss the point as your sarcastic response illustrated.

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Not my fault if you attribute sarcasm where there is none

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 21/04/2024 16:49

ivs · 21/04/2024 16:37

I'm not missing the point - the post was very "this is what happens to women" indicating all women

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Yes, I agree and it was very hyperbolic.

OP posts:
WasntExpectingSunshine · 21/04/2024 16:51

It’s all very concerning. My child is autistic and this regressive, homophobic ideology is so harmful to so many autistic kids. I’d do whatever I had to in order to get my child back to a healthy thought process. I think we’re going to look back in years to come and be horrified that any of this was happening.

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 21/04/2024 16:51

Tristar15 · 21/04/2024 16:45

They are examples of what many women experience but not all. I think if the poster tried to list all of the things that are uniquely but not universally female she’d need a whole website! She selected some examples from her experiences which are perfectly fine to illustrate the problem of men claiming to be women. You did miss the point as your sarcastic response illustrated.

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Except I never said my DS was claiming to be a woman.

OP posts:
WasntExpectingSunshine · 21/04/2024 16:51

In OPs position I mean. Thankfully my children are GC.

WasntExpectingSunshine · 21/04/2024 16:53

UndertheCedartree · 21/04/2024 16:51

Except I never said my DS was claiming to be a woman.

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So where is your child actually at with all this?

He wants to be a girl and.....

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 21/04/2024 16:55

lifeturnsonadime · 21/04/2024 16:46

Do you think that he is influenced by people like Dylan Mulavaney?

Do you think that given that he knows that he is not a girl, you have stated that he knows that only female people are girls, he is striving for something that is impossible and that this kind of influence (of individuals like Dylan) causes mental health issues?

What do you think the outcome will be for him when he's an adult?

I just asked him if he knew who Dylan Mulavaney is and he didn't.

I don't have a clue either so can't really answer that.

I don't know what the outcome will be. Given his lack of wanting to transition in any way at this point I suppose I'm assuming it is a teen thing and he will move on, but we'll see.

OP posts:
Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 21/04/2024 16:57

WasntExpectingSunshine · 21/04/2024 16:51

It’s all very concerning. My child is autistic and this regressive, homophobic ideology is so harmful to so many autistic kids. I’d do whatever I had to in order to get my child back to a healthy thought process. I think we’re going to look back in years to come and be horrified that any of this was happening.

But realistically what can you do?

OP posts:
Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 21/04/2024 17:01

WasntExpectingSunshine · 21/04/2024 16:53

So where is your child actually at with all this?

He wants to be a girl and.....

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As I've said he has said he wants to be a girl, he has not claimed that he is a girl.

He has a girl name which I understand his best friend and her boyfriend use when they are at her home.

He has not wanted me to use the name (his sister doesn't know about it). He has not wanted to get feminine clothes.

But the actually wanting to be a girl hasn't changed.

OP posts: