My DS wants to be a girl

[UndertheCedartree]

Not a situation I imagined being in. But he has wanted to be a girl for 4 years now. He's 17 and autistic.

It used to be more common in boys, and numbers small. Last years, predominantly girls and numbers have rocketed.

I am very confused reading your posts OP. I can understand why your son is confused if this thread is reflective of your parenting.

What does he think about accessing female only spaces?

I think it is common amongst ND girls. My autistic daughter went through a similar phase and the Cass report has demonstrated a link with autism and trans identification. I think that the reasons for this for girls are because autism impacts social communication, if she feels like she doesn't communicate in the same was as other girls then she might feel that she doesn't fit in and the other issue is the fact that many autistic girls have sensory issues which means that they don't like the feel of make up, tight fit clothes etc. Trans ideology says to girls that don't fit into the gendered mould that they might not be girls at all and they could be 'boy gender ' or non binary. It's all a load of harmful regressive nonsense.

I hope that the therapist is not promoting a medical route when she turns 18 as it is really harmful to young girls/ women to go down this route as demonstrated by the findings of Cass.

I think that the tide is turning and that increasingly professionals will frown upon extreme body modification. In the meantime your daughter can wear what she wants and call herself what she wants, that's just expression and they are only clothes.

"I support him in identifying how he wants. The reality is there has been no transition because he has not wanted me to call him a different name/pronouns. He does have a girl name that his best friend sometimes uses. He doesn't wear typically female clothes.

I wonder if this is where it has come from. His autism makes him feel different and he has patched onto the trans thing."

Yes, and taking it on will not help. He needs guidance and tough love here I'm afraid.

Oh and @Ruelzdontapply it's impossible to change sex, I'm sure you know that, but if the therapist used that phrase I wouldn't trust them with anything to be honest.

Having surgery to change your appearance doesn't make you the opposite sex.

I mean there's trans kids everywhere. As I say he had 2 friends at a previous school who were trans. He is at college now. I'm sure there are trans teens there.

He's not had any interest in these trans influencers. He has never had an interest in following what anyone else is doing, tbh. He doesn't have any SM.

That's interesting. I think it is more than the situation is quite confusing. And who wasn't confused as a teen? I know all my friends and I were. And my DS's friends have all had their own issues one way or another.

I'm not sure that this thread is reflective of my parenting as I'm not parenting on this thread. Can you tell me more?

I have already answered that. He believes women and girls are entitled to their own spaces.

But surely the social communication thing is just as relevant for boys and also clothes wise - I mean dresses can be more comfy than trousers.

He gets guidance and lots of love. I don't believe in 'tough love' I'm afraid. It's just a way to make being horrible sound better. I will always have compassion for him alongside always doing my best to guide and advise him.

I was responding to a poster about her autistic daughter who is saying she's a boy because I have direct experience of that and have views on my own daughter's reasons for it.

I would assume the feeling of not fitting/ social communication applies equally to boys.

With regards to dresses being more comfy than trousers well the dresses that most 17 year old girls would opt to wear are definitely less comfortable than the boys tracksuit bottoms that my daughter wore for 4-5 years. My daughter has such severe sensory issues that clothes have always been an issue, along with hair brushing (why she kept her hair short) and she could not possibly tolerate the feel of make up on her skin.

Not all autistic children have SPD too so I don't know if that applies to your son.

@Ruelzdontapply has clearly said they told their DC that you can't change your sex.

The therapist said lots of ASD DC want to change their sex (which in my small experience seems to be true and reading up on it definitely seems true) - she didn't say that they could change their sex only that they want to.

The therapist said lots of ASD DC want to change their sex (which in my small experience seems to be true and reading up on it definitely seems true) - she didn't say that they could change their sex only that they want to.

I'm not sure how you can know what the therapist said if you weren't there!

A lot of therapists have been misleading children - see the Cass report for evidence of that!

I assume you weren't there either so why the comment??

I don’t think most kids are confused as teens, most are just getting on with life. They may struggle with the changes to their body like girls having to cope with periods, they may be ND and see things differently, but confusion over gender? No. None of my friends were confused, none of our kids are confused. The kids I know who are confused about gender have parents who are lacking in some way. They’ve failed to have boundaries, supervision, discussions, be open, and the parents have, without fail, dropped the ball for various reasons. They’re often also clueless about the trans debate and think it’s being kind to go along with it.

You’re all over the place, that impacts kids and they look elsewhere when parenting is lacking.

They all deny it of course but that’s my experience.

Because it is clear from Cass that some medical professionals have been overbearing.

I prefaced my comment with 'if', and I stand by it. If the therapist led the pp's daughter to believe that she could change sex then it's not a therapist I would trust my child with. Same goes for a therapist that was proposing any form of body modification.

Does he fancy boys and feel that if he is a girl it would be accepted? When he says he wants to be a girl ask him what that would look like to him.

I remember being confused over lots of things! I said confused in general not just over gender.

Out of the parents I have known with trans kids - one I would probably put in that category (although not clueless about the gender debate). The other 2 I really wouldn't.

But the poster said the phrase the therapist has used was 'lots of ASD DC want to change sex' to her. That does not suggest she said they could change sex. I agree some have been over bearing, but this is not it. You started by telling the poster someone could not change sex when they clearly said they always tell their DD that so did not seem you read the post very clearly.

They’ll all be in the dropped the ball category.

It's possible but I don't see it myself in that teens are so accepting of these things nowadays. He has had one brief relationship with a girl.

I have asked him but he doesn't really know.

If that really is the case why is it only one DC in the family that has questioned their gender? Why have they now gone back to their original gender? Why are they so close with their parents?

When you say they look elsewhere for their parenting. So where is my DS looking for his parenting when he tells me he wants to be a girl?

Goodness me.

I don't think you have read either my or the other posters posts very clearly. With the written word things are open to interpretation, particularly in the light of what we all know has been happening to vulnerable children in the name of gender ideology.

Neither of us were there. One or both of us could be wrong or right about what was said by the therapist.

I have no idea why you are making such a fuss about this.

I'm coming off my thread as you don't appear to like that another poster with experience of a gender non conforming child (one who has desisted) is having an input, the fact you are objecting to the fact that I have pointed out that no child can change sex and highlighted issues raised in Cass makes me question your motives for this thread.

Good luck to your son.

I'm sorry if I upset you. I just genuinely found it odd you telling someone that sex cannot be changed when she said she tells her DD that all the time. And I couldn't understand your other point so thought you had misread hence why I pointed it out. I apologise if I've got the wrong end of the stick.