I dated a Non Binary person and it peaked me.

[EnbyEx]

Thought it might make an interesting AMA?

I’d say it’s more like saying I dated a Scientologist and it put me of them than men…

OP… what was it about herself that made your partner sure she was not female?

@CremeEggThief 'you people' really???

She's explained what it means no need for you to be so rude

Are you in a relationship now @EnbyEx ?
And, if so, who with? Man or woman?

I guess an important question might be: what happened that made you question gender ideology rather than just concluding that this particular ex was an arsehole?

Isn't this like saying "I dated a man and it put me off men, AMA". One person isn't representative of everyone within a certain category.

Not really, imo. Being a man isn't a belief. Being non-binary is. And apparently it's one which can cause people to change the terms of your relationship with them, and even the way you define yourself and your sexuality, without your permission. As the OP discovered.

They’re hardly niche terms.

“Peak” as a verb is very MN and has been around ages. I can’t believe anyone hasn’t heard of DINK or DINKies.

I find if I don’t know what something means on a thread I think I’m interested in, then reading more posts will often provide the gist. Failing that, there’s always Google.

She described it as not fitting in with other women and just feeling more 'guyish' than that. Feeling more comfortable in men's clothing.

And felt better about herself when people referred to her as they/them.

I never heard anything concrete or anything that made me agree with her.

I found it all very confusing

But I just tried to support her and be kind.

I’d say it’s more like saying I dated a Scientologist and it put me of them than men…

Exactly. Not all men are arseholes, but all Scientologists are Scientologists.

The whole social movement she came with. The friends under the 'queer and trans' umbrella. The groups she was in. The places we used to go that were LBBTQ+++ friendly but weren't friendly at all to outsiders. And I felt like an outsider because I felt uncomfortable with her trans friends because if I said the wrong thing there was no understanding or compassion, just condemnation.

I felt like I was constantly on the edge of losing her and the circle of friends she came with because of a slip of the tongue and at that point I was totally on board.

I’ve seen “This thread is peak mumsnet” on loads of threads. Peak isn’t some niche term.

And once we broke up and I started looking at her behaviour I realised it didn't seem to be a view that she just held but it was a general consensus in the community.

Like 2 people having lesbian sex might not be lesbians. They might be gay male men. Which blew my mind but she really did believe that 2 women with vaginas in a relationship who identified as men, could be gay males.

And it just made me go crossed eyed.

Every time I go shopping for DD and see “be kind” on, lets be honest, girls clothes it gives me the fucking rage,

Anyhoo OP did anyone around you point out how ridiculous it was? Tbh it sounds super controlling and I’m glad you are out.

No, they were all very 'kind' about it.

And it causes me much guilt now.

That I put my family through such ridiculousness and pressure to 'say the right thing'.

She was controlling and it went further than pronouns and labels. It was manipulative

@EnbyEx Do you know what she is doing now? I think you said this was 10 years ago.

No.

We haven't talked since we broke up.

@EnbyEx why do you think people identify as "non binary"? What drives it in your opinion?

Have you heard of 'google'?

It's this ingenious thing, if you come across a word you don't understand you can instantly look it up! I've learnt all sorts, some frankly I'd prefer not to have learnt but that's the price of knowledge.

Or waste that time instead virtually shouting at someone else because you prefer to remian ignorant and strangely angry online, up to you.

As a mum, I would just be so very grateful that you eventually broke up. Trust me, there was a sigh of relief at the end of that, don’t feel guilty about it.

I've known around 20 people in the last decade that have classed themselves as NB. All of them have had several of these traits
Neuro diversity
Questioning sexuality
Trauma in past
Generally non conforming in other areas
Narcissistic

I can't say what makes anyone do anything from an outsiders point of view but all of the people I've known do this have not been happy people in a stable place in life.

OP would your eyes have been “opened” if your partner had been “non binary” but eg allowed you to consider yourself a lesbian, didn’t lose her shit etc? I’m a bit concerned that your changed views are only due to her terrible behaviour rather than a newfound understanding that “gender woo” and the whole nb thing is basically a crock

My GC views now are based on the last 8 years of breaking down her behaviour and seeing how the movement progressed.

When we first broke up I was absolutely still an ally to our mutual trans friends.

It was not my relationship breakdown what that made me GC.

But it certainly smashed the rose coloured glasses.

It's only really the last 4 years I would say I was GC

And the last 2 years I'm a proud TERF.

I certainly don't hold all NB people accountable for my Exs actions or views.

But I've also not met any that don't agree with her views and when faced with me saying I felt I was a lesbian at that time, aren't in agreement with my ex, not me.

But I would say she 'peaked me' as her behaviour made me question things rather than blindly accept everything that had been put upon me thus far.

Up until we broke up I would have gone along with anything out of respect for her.

Once she broke up with me because I wouldn't introduce other people into our relationship I started to question the dynamics of the relationship, in so far as 'do NB have the final say in how somebody else identifies sexually if they feel its at odd with their own identity'

Beforehand I did agree. After I didn't.

So it was the beginning of the end, so to speak.

That explains why you have such a poor understanding of the issues that you think they are anti-trans.

Are you female? We're you dating male to nb or female to nb?