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AMA

I’m a vicar: ask me anything!

203 replies

Holyannie · 02/08/2023 07:37

Hello,

I’m a Church of England vicar in a semi-rural context. Ask me anything! (Weddings, funerals, Christenings or anything about what a vicar does day to day). 🙂

OP posts:
YesitsBess · 02/08/2023 11:35

I don't have a question yet, but wanted to say this is one of the best threads I've ever read!

Holyannie · 02/08/2023 11:38

Joey2323 · 02/08/2023 11:25

Do you see your role as:

  • Encouraging people to turn to a strong faith/belief
  • or encouraging people to live happy/kind/well rounded lives because you personally feel a calling to faith?
I think there’s a real difference between an evangelical ‘spreading of the gospel’ by recruiting new Christian’s, and a ‘spreading of the gospel’ by doing good and encouraging others to do the same.

Good question. There are various aspects to my role. One is definitely to preach the gospel, baptise new believers, teach about the Christian faith etc. However, I also do other things in the community and also also hope our church is a place of welcome and peace for people regardless of their beliefs.

I’m not a fan of proselytism or shoving my beliefs down people’s throats. So in answer to your question, if people are actively exploring the Christian faith then I would be really enthusiastic to talk with them about it. But if they’re in a different place spiritually then I hope I could meet them where they’re at and offer them what they need, whether than be practical help, directing to agencies that can help them such as the food bank or debt counselling, just listening or whatever.

OP posts:
Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 02/08/2023 11:39

When you were installed at your current church, did you ring the church bell a set number of times to mark the number of years you expected to stay?

Went to an installation a few years ago and the vicar wasn't aware of this tradtion so just rang the church bell once - it raised a few eyebrows 🤣.

Holyannie · 02/08/2023 11:40

Nitgel · 02/08/2023 10:45

do you believe in ghosts? 😁👻

O wow! I don’t believe in ghosts but I do believe in a spiritual world all around us, and that there are bad spiritual things as well as good. I’m not an expert in these matters, but if someone genuinely believed their house was haunted I would take them seriously, offer to bless the house and say some prayers, point them in a direction of an exorcist if they really wanted that.

OP posts:
Holyannie · 02/08/2023 11:40

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 02/08/2023 11:39

When you were installed at your current church, did you ring the church bell a set number of times to mark the number of years you expected to stay?

Went to an installation a few years ago and the vicar wasn't aware of this tradtion so just rang the church bell once - it raised a few eyebrows 🤣.

I haven’t heard of this tradition! I thought you just rung the bell a few times enthusiastically 😁.

OP posts:
Holyannie · 02/08/2023 11:42

fancreek · 02/08/2023 10:50

How does being in charge of 4 churches work? Do you rotate at which you do the Sunday morning service?

As an aside the 3 godparents thing is news to me! I'm CofE baptised and only have 1 godparent!

I’m not sure it does work to be honest 😕. Everyone would rather have their own vicar at each church but the finances just don’t stretch that way. I do different services at different times and rush around on a Sunday! Then sometimes we have services all together as well.

OP posts:
Pucksandwich · 02/08/2023 11:42

What is your understanding of God? Ie do you consider him to have a human-type consciousness/intelligence? Is he something unknowable? Is he a force/spirit?

Holyannie · 02/08/2023 11:43

GardeningIdiot · 02/08/2023 11:34

Are you concerned about how the Synod has acted recently re child safeguarding and the abuse of children who were in the care of the church?

independentsafeguarding.org/blog/f/if-not-now-when

Yes, very concerned. I’ve written to my Synod reps about this and am following the situation. We really need to do better.

OP posts:
Holyannie · 02/08/2023 11:45

Pucksandwich · 02/08/2023 11:42

What is your understanding of God? Ie do you consider him to have a human-type consciousness/intelligence? Is he something unknowable? Is he a force/spirit?

I follow the Christian teaching that God is three persons in one: Father, Son and Holy Spirit. So a relational God who is both in relationship with Godself and also desires relationship with us. I believe God is perfect love, perfect goodness, all powerful and all knowing. But I also think our human understanding is quite limited and all our language and metaphors can’t fully express the truth of God.

OP posts:
WantingToEducate · 02/08/2023 11:46

I’m not religious but this this thread has been fascinating.

I don’t know what even made me click on it but here I am.

I am loving reading about different people’s experiences and all the questions they are asking (especially the one about ghosts) and you sound absolutely lovely OP…..you replies come across as so kind and understanding, non-judgemental, honest and caring and just as importantly, you seem so relatable too (I.e supportive of LGBT and being married to a divorcee etc).

You are a true credit.

Namechange5142097 · 02/08/2023 11:47

Thank you Annie. This is all so interesting!

SausageRoll2020 · 02/08/2023 11:55

Can you help me to understand the different titles used?
Vicar, Priest, Reverend, Very Reverend etc

Namechange5142097 · 02/08/2023 11:56

@ClaribelLowLieth We can sit and cry together then! I do this all the time, as an atheist, and at times have absolutely sobbed uncontrollably in a nearby cathedral, especially if the choir is singing. There's also a very small church in a village I'll be going to at the weekend on holiday where I have sat many times on my own and cried. I think there's something about the atmosphere of the buildings that just allows you to let your guard down.

ASoapImpressionOfHisWifeWhichHeAte · 02/08/2023 11:58

This is a really interesting thread @Holyannie - thanks for starting it, I've really enjoyed reading it despite being an atheist (I am an atheist but have always found Christianity interesting- I did A Level Bible studies and as a text, even as a non-believer, there's alot to think about in there). I have a cousin who was ordained as one of the first female C of E vicars back in the mid/late 90s and she faced a fair bit of opposition, so I know it's not an easy job or always easy getting into it.

You mentioned that you were a teacher before, what made you change careers? I am a teacher and can definitely see there's a crossover of skills there! But I suppose what I mean is, was it an intellectual decision like you were interested in the job and decided to train (as you would if you'd decided to become a midwife or a police officer or something) or did you feel it was a calling and God told you to take it up?

Apologies if this has already been asked by someone else- I'm only about halfway through reading but have an appointment I need to leave for now and wanted to ask in case I forgot when I come back to the thread later on.

maddiemookins16mum · 02/08/2023 12:03

I just want to say you do a thankless task most of the time, our Pastor and his wife are non-stop trying to care for people (we have a huge focus on community compassion at our church). Thank you for all you do.

YesitsBess · 02/08/2023 12:04

Namechange5142097 · 02/08/2023 11:56

@ClaribelLowLieth We can sit and cry together then! I do this all the time, as an atheist, and at times have absolutely sobbed uncontrollably in a nearby cathedral, especially if the choir is singing. There's also a very small church in a village I'll be going to at the weekend on holiday where I have sat many times on my own and cried. I think there's something about the atmosphere of the buildings that just allows you to let your guard down.

I do this also! I think it's called Stendhal syndrome and can also happen around art.

First happened when I was 18 and on the roof of the Duomo in Milan, and could hear the choir wafting up. It's as clear as day over 20 years later.

I do like @Holyannie 's description of it, and I do think it's partly because some of the most breathtaking art and buildings on Earth have been created to show a love for God, and that sticks to the very stones of a place.

It's just a bit of a blindside when you're a cheerful agnostic who has toddled in to see the inside of a lovely building! Actually Annie, there's my question: is there a church or cathedral anywhere in the world that (architecturally speaking) has stuck with you and why?

elliejjtiny · 02/08/2023 12:11

Love this thread and Thank you for posting it. I have a few questions if I may.

  1. what do you think about the recent Mike pilavachi situation and have your church adjusted their safeguarding policy as a result?

  2. where would a modern fashionable woman vicar get their stoles, shirts with dog collars etc (sorry can't remember the technical terms) when everything seems to be designed for elderly men?

  3. in our church we are really struggling with outreach and lack of people coming to stuff despite advertising everywhere we can think of. Is that normal for a church these days or are we doing something wrong/is there something we should be doing. I suggested painting the church bright pink so at least people know where we are but that didn't go down well with the rest of the church members! Mind you I'm quite worried about how we will cope if loads of people turn up to our event coming up as it's scheduled to rain and half the activities are outside.

  4. what kind of safeguarding policy would you recommend for a small church with only 10 children in it. Currently ours is just all minors must be accompanied by an adult willing to take responsibility for them but I've been saying for years that it's not enough and after the mile pilavachi situation I think it's even more important.

SarahAndQuack · 02/08/2023 12:27

Ok, my question is cheeky, so I hope you don't mind! What would attract you to a post? My (lovely) rural benefice is looking for someone, having just said goodbye to our wonderful, charismatic vicar. On paper we are a lot of the things that people worry about - rural, elderly congregation, probably quite conservative in some ways, multiple beautiful churches with attendant issues of disrepair, etc. etc.

But it is also a really wonderful community. My partner and I are a same-sex couple (in a rural area where this is certainly unusual), and they welcomed us in. My DD and another little girl do altar service and genuinely enjoy church, I think the more because they're treated like important participants rather than being shunted off to do some colouring in and read watered-down Bible stories. There's a youth group with a dedicated youth worker. There are energetic people who do lovely things like choir and social events. I'd say there's usually 20-30 people in the congregation each Sunday, which is not bad.

Our biggest problem is that the 30s-40s generation (my generation!) assume church isn't for them, and their children won't be welcome. There is a more general issue of the older generation not mixing with the younger one in several of the benefice villages - often non-church events end up being 'segregated' too. So it's a tricky one. Our former vicar was making a lot of headway with events that drew in younger people; obviously we can carry on trying to do that as a congregation, but it'd be great to get someone who'd be keen to do this.

I just feel as if so often, you hear of the C of E being intolerant or fuddy-duddy, and I'd love more people to realise that there are congregations where people are accepted - even if those congregations don't look like the young, urban churches you'd perhaps expect.

Sorry, that was so long ... but I'd love to have your perspective on this, and on how we might best get our message across to potential candidates.

minipin · 02/08/2023 12:28

Thankyou so much for this thread, I've so enjoyed reading it during my lunch at work on a cold, grey day. You are so inspiring, I really love the answers you have given.

YesitsBess · 02/08/2023 12:39

@minipin I agree. This thread is like a cup of hot chocolate!

WantingToEducate · 02/08/2023 12:45

Can I ask you a controversial question…

What are your beliefs in relation to criminals who have committed some of the worse crimes like child abuse, murder and rape for example, do you believe they can still go to Heaven?

DomPom47 · 02/08/2023 12:51

I am an atheist and have never believed in God/any form of creator ever. Thinking back to re lessons at school and friends who are religious and believe in a God/creator I remember talks around forgiveness which totally baffled me. Do you really believe that anyone can be forgiven for their sins - even the most heinous of acts?

booksandbrews · 02/08/2023 12:53

Have you read Dave Tomlinson’s books? How to be a Bad Christian? I’m not religious at all but really enjoyed his take on Christianity.

mumda · 02/08/2023 12:54

My son asked what happens in church.
I only have vague memories from my brownie/guide services which would have been at special times of the year and perhaps not 'normal'.

WantingToEducate · 02/08/2023 12:54

And what about pregnancy terminations?

Is that something that would require forgiveness from God?