I’m a solo mum by choice AMA

[SoloMamabyChoice]

As per the title I become a single mother by choice using a donor. Ask me anything. 😀

My child has the possibility of contacting their biological father - the donor I have chosen is not anonymous ie child has right of contact and has indicated he would want to hear from child should they wish to get in touch at some point.

i spent a lot of time reading advice by adults who were donor conceived most of whom struggled because of deceit, eg finding out by chance as an adult that they were donor conceived or because they were unable to trace their donor. Neither of which are an issue in our case.

That our family doesn’t have a daddy. That all families are different. For example their friend A has two mummies, their friend B lives with mummy half the week and daddy the other half, cousins C & D are adopted, and their friends E-H also all have a biological father/donor that isn’t part of the family. But they have other fab family set ups. Eg our family has a mummy that loves you like mad, there’s a grandma, three aunties and two uncles, our two pets, cousins and lots and lots of friends.

Actually I had that thought for the first time recently when I was whinging about finances (flipping childcare costs once I’m back work) and followed it up with ‘of course I chose this’ - to which she sensibly replied that a) lots of people are single and didn’t choose it and b) everyone is complaining about childcare costs despite the fact that they too chose to have children.

Which is true. I know what you mean though.

I grew up without a dad and it’s something I still struggle with (sorry for my bluntness). I agree no dad is better than a deadbeat, violent or addict dad but that’s like telling an unemployed person to be grateful they’re not homeless. Both situations are undesirable. I feel so envious of all my friends with fantastic dads and don’t know anyone with a terrible father to favourably compare my situation. I used to feel bereft when reading stories about children with two parents. You say that two loving parents are rare but they feel like the norm in my social circles.

Has it crossed your mind that your child might be angry or resentful when they’re older?

How was your relationship with your own father, OP?

I know it's old but this is so selfish. Your child will grow up missing a whole half of itself on purpose just so that you can get what you want.

I'm a mum of 4 (adults now) and if I hadn't met my husband I'd have done the same as you. I knew I wanted to be a Mum more than I knew I wanted to be in a relationship. As it was I met my husband and it's all worked out well.
I'm surprised more women don't do it. There are millions of threads where women have kids with awful men.