I'm in a polyamorous relationship (MFM) AMA

[BubblestarUK]

Just that really, I'm in a polyamorous relationship with two men, when I meet people in real life they always want to ask me questions so I thought I'd cast the net a bit wider and open the floor on the web :)

I don't think our children have every asked me actually, not to my recollection,

It shouldn’t be up to them to ask though, should it?! Did you not have a conversation with them before moving the second man into their home? Did you not establish and consider their feelings then? This shows a shocking lack of respect for your kids.

I find your comment about wanting to be married to both of them very offensive. You clearly have no idea what marriage is.

They've known each other for over ten years, so while it's not impossible it's less likely than if she'd picked someone up on "WannaJoinMyThrouple.com". Also you'd assume that a predator would find single mothers much easier targets.

Honestly op many ppl would view your set up as pretty grim especially when you have a teenagers, they would be utterly mortified, worried friends found out could imagine what they would say? It doesn't sound particularly healthy and it caters to your own sexual needs no one else's. You seem to hold all the power here without any regard to your dh or your own dc.

I love my children more than anything. They are number one.

Yes they go out a do their own things sometimes, pub, sports activities etc

Ugh... sounds like a musty household.

Do you open the windows to air out all the farts?

If your children come first then you must have discussed this with them before the second man moved in. What did they say then? You say they seem happy with the arrangement but have you initiated a conversation to make sure they actually are? If not, why not?

that if either or both children said I’m uncomfortable with this that it would mean you put an end to it. This is supposed to be their safe place at a vulnerable time in their lives, on the cusp of and going through puberty. Maybe they genuinely don’t care (though I would say they must be exceptionally disinterested children if they didn’t) but don’t you worry that this will have an effect on them? Don’t you wonder that they haven’t asked you questions?

No I don't worry that they haven't asked me questions, they are both ND and really don't seem to have any issues that they can't talk about, they are very black and white. I can't speak for everyone else and their children, but mine are ok. Honestly if they had a problem, they would tell me, and I ask regularly just to make sure. If one became uncomfortable then yes I'd of course end it.

I am interested to know more about your DH and boyfriend. Does either of them have low self-esteem or past difficulties with women? Do they "put up" with this for some reason? Are you in charge and what you say, goes in that house?

I'm interested because I don't know a man with nay self respect that would put up with that situation.

How long had you been married when you started the first ten year polyamorous relationship and why did it finish ?

I thought you didn't know what ND meant OP?
I don't believe a word of this, but given the tiny chance it is true, don't have both dad's around when your kids have friends over. Or do they never have friends over?
WHich daddy takes them to school and sports and parties? Do you do "scissors paper rock"?

Earlier you said you'd never heard the term ND and yet you're using it now to describe your children.

Put nicely, I suspect that your grasp on reality and your awareness of other people's feelings other than your own sex drive is somewhat lacking.

Also - your husband needs to get out of this mess , take the children with him and find a woman who loves him. Poor soul. If the sexes were reversed people would be calling it abuse.

And I find yours narrow minded and racist. Who are you to declare what marriage " really is" based purely on a Western model?

It doesn’t sound like the husband was making the OP particularly happy.

people who have an issue with this - if the other option is divorce with the marriage breaking up, kids seeing their dad EOW, do you really think that’s preferable to this set up? Parents still living together, apparently happily, just a third person involved. You might find it weird but it’s more of a stable home than a divorced one

Well that is not the impression I get from all the PP's on this thread, so may I ask you what you are basing your opinion on please?

I am finding the OP's OP, and her subsequent replies fascinating.
Thank you @BubblestarUK for this thread.

I'm only answering genuine questions now, because I really am not interested in anyone else's judgement and opinions. You do you.

In the car I Sit in the back with the children. I'm the smallest adult, so makes sense.

If the children wanted it to stop or were uncomfortable I'd end it.

The boys share common interests and enjoy each others company, again, we communicate a lot and they would say if anything was bothering them or not working.

The previous poly relationship started when eldest was one. Lasted 10 years there abouts. Again was more emotional.

Did you ever consider the other man might be grooming you and your husband to gain access to your children?

No, I've known him well since late teens

I suppose what I am trying to ask is how do you negotiate the emotional boundaries of your relationship?

We are all equal individuals and discuss everything as such

What conversations have you had with your children about who is in your family?

Mum, dad, partner, siblings, granny, grandads etc

What do your DC communicate about their family to their peers?

Too busy discussing Xbox and tictoc
They only talk about their interests.

What comments from their peers have your DC received at school and how do your DC make sense of their parents relationship to themselves and others?

They've never asked. Honestly.

What do your children feel able to ask you, and what is taboo?

Nothing. All and everything can be discussed. Sometimes answers are basic but there is always an open door policy

Do you live in a socially liberal or socially conservative area?

No we live in a big town in a nice neighbourhood with friendly neighbours

How do your wider family respond to your relationship?

In their own words, we dont understand it but we are glad your happy and we will support you.

Who is DP2 to the children? For example does he discipline them, and do they accept his authority?

Yes they know their dad is there dad, but they respect the third as an adult who has their best interests at heart. No means no, and they go to him and talk as they do to me and their father.

I know - why not show this thread to your DH and your boyfriend and report back to us with their subsequent comments.

Would be fascinating to know their side(s) of the situation.

Do each of them get off on watching the other having sex with you, and do they enjoy being watched?

Sometimes

What did you get from each of them for Valentine's Day?

They bought me a joint present from both of them and wrote separate cards

Do you all go on holiday together?

Yes sometimes, or we split off and do outings depending on work

OP - what are the negative sides of the arrangement?

there must be some!

Why would you not consider entering a similar relationship with a woman, close female friend of your huband? Hypothetical friend, or if he developed a close friendship in the future.

Please read the full thread, never say never and I'd be open to discuss it were we not all already in this exclusive relationship.

When it comes to Christmas and birthdays, does your family buy for your boyfriend? And do they invite him to events your husband is invited to?

What was the conversation you had with your children to explain your boyfriend moving into the family home with you and your husband?

He can't just have shown up with his stuff without you having any conversation explaining it to them?

find your comment about wanting to be married to both of them very offensive. You clearly have no idea what marriage is

it’s a crock of shit. And it does not come in just one form.