I'm in a polyamorous relationship (MFM) AMA

[BubblestarUK]

Just that really, I'm in a polyamorous relationship with two men, when I meet people in real life they always want to ask me questions so I thought I'd cast the net a bit wider and open the floor on the web :)

You have minimizing down to a horribly fine art.

I doubt the OP would recall having the conversation.

What did you get from each of them for Valentine's Day?

Do you all go on holiday together?

I have no question but have been fascinated reading this thread. Thanks for sharing!

Why would you not consider entering a similar relationship with a woman, close female friend of your huband? Hypothetical friend, or if he developed a close friendship in the future.

From your answers to previous questions, you seem selfish/self-absorbed. You will not contemplate a similar set-up with a woman, which revolved around your husband. You don't appear to have much insight/awareness/interest into your husbands and children's true feelings on the set-up. This is about your desires and ego. Unless your husband has a fetish for sharing you with another man?

Isn't this just a cuckolding type thing? You wouldn't entertain if it were your husband and other women. So the only way really is if he's OK with you seeing this other man ie gets off on it

I've never been in a poly relationship but I do absolutely see the appeal of this - it helps that I'm not a jealous person I think.

Would you talk to us a bit about the relationship between the two men? You've said that they aren't sexual on their own but do they behave as a couple just without the sexual element? Or are they quite separate?

Eg if you weren't there would they share the bed, curl up together to watch a film, do something romantic, look after each other if they were sick, buy each other treats etc?

Also, do you have an etiquette for what happens if two of you have a row? Does the third person stay out of it? Or do they take sides?

Nobody cares

How would the deeds/mortgage work then if both you and your husband died? Would the house default to belonging to this unrelated man, cutting your children out (I guess this depends on type of mortgage maybe)? Or could he be forced to sell so your children could have their parents portion to help with their futures? What if he refused or made it difficult, is there someone who would advocate for your children in a court case?

What if your husband decided he wanted the situation to end and the other man to leave? Or if you and your husband divorced, who would get the house? It seems potentially messy, especially so when kids are involved.

How does the other man interact with the kids? Do they see him as a step parent or is there a boundary - ie does he get involved in discipline, school stuff, decisions about things that affect them? If he does get involved in stuff, did the kids get a say in that? Does he not want children of his own? Do you make time to do things as a family of 4 or is this other man always involved in family stuff now?

I can’t imagine any normal man I’ve ever come across agreeing to this kind of situation, and unless they have some kind of cuckold fetish or just extremely low self esteem I just can’t see what the men get out of it at all. I also think you are burying your head in the sand about what your family’s real feelings are. The children “seem” happy and your husband “seems” happy but you have no idea really as you’ve never actually discussed it properly. It’s a pity that their real feelings aren’t being taken into account.

I don't think anyone has picked up the bit where @BubblestarUK says she was in a 10 year poly relationship before but that was more about "having someone to put your feet ON when watching telly"

Isn't that what you said @BubblestarUK ?

So does that mean you had a sub for 10 years? Did the kids see this?

For goodness sake...

Why do people put their kids through such ridiculous arrangements?

You are perfectly entitled to sleep with as many men as you want but to force this on your children and think it is ok to have two men going in and and out of your home and expect your kids to accept that?

Selfish as hell.

and I don't care who that offends.

Not to mention that I would bet that these men are also seeing other women. so you are also putting yourself at a higher risk of STIs.

I think at some points people really need to grow the hell up and focus on providing a stable life for their kids.

Whilst a polyamorous relationship wouldn't be for me, I've found this thread interesting. My best friend is part of a FFM thruple, although no DC.

And on the topic of what teens think, I asked mine. Here's the answer from the 16 year old.

@SlimeIsBanned I wouldn't take "someone to put your feet on" as a dom/sub thing. I quite often used to sit on the sofa with my feet on my then DPs lap whilst we watched TV. Nothing more than comfort.

Is it something you model to your children as an ideal relationship? I had a family member who had two wives. Eventually he lived with one wife while his kids lived with another. It’s because he couldn’t conceive with his first wife that he found another to have children with.

His second wife suffers from severe depression and has always thought she was just there to provide the kids and the relative has always loved his first wife the most.

Also the sex, I mean I’m kind of jealous!!! You get two men, two cocks, two different styles and I imagine it’s always on tap!

It's interesting that you say if your husband wanted to widen the relationship, you'd have a problem with that - so, this is all your wanting, essentially? You drive it, it's completely on your terms?

@imnotwhoyouthinkiam ha ha! You're right

I went straight to the thought of someone on their hands and knees and OP having her feet on his back like he was human foot rest.

Perhaps says more about me!

For anyone interested in consensual non-monogamy, which is slightly different to this, but is about open marriages, our book group read a fab book not so long ago - PERMISSION by Jo Bloom. About a couple in their forties with kids who open up their marriage. Great characterisation and a page turner. We all found it very relatable

A very practical reply, but devoid of any emotion and love? Most people would be devastated, have their life torn apart, destroyed etc that their husband and father of their children had "moved on".

I've spent a long part of my life around people in these types of relationships (club dancer) and I promise you it never ends well practically or emotionally.

God the idea of sharing a bed with two other people, doesn’t matter who they are, sounds awful to me. It’s bad enough sharing with one, having to put up with snoring, farting and body heat. One of the best things about being single now is sleeping alone I absolutely love it. I couldn’t be doing with two men around getting under my feet and the idea of them both sleeping in the same bed is too ménage a trois for me but then I very much like having my own space, mentally and physically.

And I don't doubt that you would be right😁

It's a very political sounding response to uncomfortable questions isn't it?

That’s what I imagined too 😁

I do know people in similar set ups (no kids though) and I can see that non conventional relationships could well become more common and people live in all sorts of different arrangements. As someone increasingly introverted I'm more drawn to the Tim Burton/Helena BC set up of living in separate wings (and yeah I know they're divorced now) over the sheer hell of sharing a bed with two people at once which sounds truly unbearable.

But the people I know in these relationships tend to have a lot of insight and talk so openly and thoroughly about it. Whereas in this OP, it almost sounds like it just happened to them and everyone passively accepts it without any curiosity. A teenager's only comment was about recycling? You don't know how your husband feels about the third or his relationship to the man sharing his bedroom? How is it possible to live like this and never talk about it? How could it be that you have never talked about it to your own children or if you did you can't recall? How will you talk about it in the future if and when they ask more?

Is your DHs own family aware of the set up? What do your ILs think about it all?

Just curious.

If you get a plus one invitation to a wedding etc. Who do you take? What do your friends think.