I live in Japan - AMA

[tanitani]

Hello! I did this years ago but I’m a lot more experienced and had a lot more “life experience” here now.

excluding a six month stint in the UK this year, I’m approaching my sixth year living in Japan.

DH is Japanese with a decent daily conversation level English - we met here.
Also got an almost 3 year old DC.

Been through dating, marriage, pregnancy and birth in Japan.
Currently working part time.

Originally came over as a church volunteer for a year or so but ended up much longer 😆 no plans to move back to the UK.

We’re in a commuter town right next to Tokyo.

Can’t think of much else - any interest feel free to ask!

Hello! I have to ask if you have ever eaten while walking in the street 😁 if yes, was there any issue?

How interesting, were there any cultural expectations/rituals/differences around birth and postnatal time?

Where is your favourite place to visit in Japan?
Does your child speak Japanese and English? Did your child struggle to learn Japanese?

I’d love to visit Japan, but I have coeliac disease, and from the Internet I gather that a gluten-free diet is difficult to find in Japan, is this true!

I am visiting Japan for a holiday in September next year and a mostly really looking forward to it. Except - is the groping of women on the metro systems as bad as I hear it is? For a country whose population has a reputation for politeness and reserve it sounds appalling

Have you seen more women in Japan staying in the workforce after childbirth following Abenomics?

Yes, I was hungry 😆

I would say if it’s ice cream or something no one bothers, but it’s incredibly rare anyone would actually say anything anyway.
More just do the British thing of looking and silently judging.

DS was born by c section and no one is allowed in, unlike UK.

The hospital stay is longer but I found it quite a quiet, relaxing atmosphere.(Apart from the NICU)

Of course this can vary but my nurses were very nice and I loved having my wound constantly checked for healing.

generally people expect you don’t go out much if at all, the first month.
I did though.

There’s also a “100 days” celebration which is really sweet and comes with a celebratory meal and lots of photo shoots.
Many Japanese go the shrine to do a special prayer and photo worth a lovely outfit - we didn’t do this but I kinda wish we did just because the mum and baby outfit is so cute!

Is it an etiquette minefield, or do you get the hang of things fairly quickly?

What's the worst thing about living there (since they seem to be good at so much!)

What's the most annoying cultural difference that you've had to get used to?

And what's the best cultural difference that you think would improve our lives immensely if British people would adopt it?

I’m trying to reply directly to people but not sure if it’s working - hopefully people see these!

My favourite place is Takayama in Gifu, simply because I have such great memories of our little getaway there.
It has gorgeous historical bits and nearby is a wonderful outside park with reconstructions of houses from the old era.

DS is bilingual but favours Japanese. So he’s playing quietly by himself and it’s mostly Japanese.
he does understand English fine and is learning more and more by the day because he’s attending international kindergarten with me at my part time job right now.

He’s almost at the age now where he can grasp that he speaks English to this person or Japanese to that person.

I’m Vegetarian and it’s tricky. Nearer to Tokyo it’s a bit more “aware” but finding the options can be tricky!
There is so much to do in and around Tokyo I’d suggest starting there and using the Happy Cow app, or Facebook groups!
Any specialist diet is generally tricky and would definitely take some pre planning, but hopefully near a expat-heavy city you’d have more chance at finding stuff to eat.

I think I get the hang of quoting people now 😆

The politeness and reserve is………..real but I think what makes this issue such a terrible one is that there are train cars specifically for women only, but a crazy reluctance to take a stand and speak up for women.
The politeness and reserve also makes people feel like “bothering” or imposing in any way is rude.
so the victim in this case would feel very embarrassed at speaking out and reporting and “causing a fuss” and the train staff would be reluctant to help due to the confrontation.

I’ve had an instance where someone followed me to the toilet to try and take my photo. The train staff were SO reluctant to really help and seem relieved when I left, the response was very different when my Japanese DH rung up for me sadly.

The main risk is rush hour, where it is incredibly crowded.
Avoid travelling at peak times.
I’ve never had this particularly happen, but of course it is a risk.
I really wish Japanese authorities would grow a backbone over it.

I’m not sure on this one. I have many working mama friends so they are in work, but whether this is thanks to Abenomics I’d say is very debatable!
I fear this was for show rather than real intent to change.

Things outside the box are very suspicious in Japan and change is slow, and any social change is out the box at first.

For example DS was an emergency birth. DH got three days off when he was discharged. That’s all he ever got.
Oh and my company drastically cut my hours when they found out I was pregnant and there was nothing I could do.

The etiquette is mostly easy to grasp, especially if you’re studying Japanese but there are some minefields.
Japanese people generally won’t tell you directly you’ve offended them so it can be hard to tell when you’ve messed up somewhere.
I would say generally it’s okay - however as your Japanese improves people are more likely to assume you’re rude on purpose rather than an honest mistake. That’s frustrating.

negative sides? The education system is not great and the desire to cover up or do anything to avoid a confrontation is really detrimental in case of bullying. I do worry about this in DS’s future as we can’t afford international school.

Also the obsession with not gaining weight in pregnancy is dangerous - it’s ridiculous that doctors and nurses berate vulnerable mothers for putting on weight in pregnancy!

oh and paperwork. An address change at the bank requires three identical forms. Japan loves forms!

And generally if you’re not working you have to have a recent explanation as to why you want your child to go to nursery - why aren’t you looking after your own child!

There are still many discriminatory rules such as foreigners not being able to buy property.

Interesting question I like it.

The most annoying cultural difference for me is a lot of places being cash only - let me pay by card!!!

One to adopt is the level of wonderful service wherever you are. A three star hotel is still amazing and even McDonald’s give you wonderful service. It genuinely makes a difference to your day. No matter the job - the service is usually friendly and very polite.
DH was a bit shocked at British customer service 😆

Oh, great thread! My DD is desperate to visit Japan & South Korea, she loves K-Pop and manga/anime etc but it’s just not affordable for us - I’d love to visit too though!

Can I ask a frivolous question? What is the big differences in fashion? Would you say your child for example would stand out as differently dressed compared with British children? I always notice Chinese and Korean children seem to wear a lot of clothes, girls even with leggings and socks under a dress - is this the same in Japan. And do you feel your style changed now that you lived in Japan for so long? Do Japanese women dress differently/is there a different popular style?

How broadly is English spoken in Japan? Did you learn Japanese out there or did you speak some before going?

I miss the way they hand cash back to you so it’s easy to put coins and notes away.

Saitama OP?

In Japan the style is definitely more obviously feminine - but there are lots of “tribes” of fashion I’d say. There’s the cute style, oversize stuff is very popular, you still have the hyper cute styles in younger girls, also “Mori girl” is a really sweet style.
My style definitely changed after living here but I feel it’s more I just found my niche fashion wise.
It’s more acceptable than the UK to dress cute, without seeming immature, so I really love that.

Youre right about the leggings and layers! I think the designs are different here - I feel like when we were in the UK people did comment on his style a lot.
DS tends to wear jumpers with his favourite character on a lot but the other half of the time I dress him in shirts or cute jumpers. I’m aware at 3 I’ll be able to decide for only so long!
I’ve attached some examples of his daily style 😆

Ahhh that’s true.

Kanagawa!

Aww he’s too cute! Yes, he definitely seems to dress in that ‘style’ I recognise. It’s not like the opposite of British style but just slightly different. His clothes look very cosy and well made too.

Interesting to hear. One more question before I’ve used my quota up! Do you worry about the quite intense study culture as your son grows older? Or is it in fact well managed in Japan?

Is it true that many homes have no central heating in Japan?

I’m interested in how diverse the population is in Japan, OP. Is there racism?
Are people from other cultures welcomed and accommodated into society?

@tanitani thank you for your reply. I'll be with one female friend, my DH and two male friends so they have said they will make a 'corral' around us if necessary. Also not being Japanese myself I'll have no qualms about learning a few choice words and letting rip!