I live in Japan - AMA

[tanitani]

Hello! I did this years ago but I’m a lot more experienced and had a lot more “life experience” here now.

excluding a six month stint in the UK this year, I’m approaching my sixth year living in Japan.

DH is Japanese with a decent daily conversation level English - we met here.
Also got an almost 3 year old DC.

Been through dating, marriage, pregnancy and birth in Japan.
Currently working part time.

Originally came over as a church volunteer for a year or so but ended up much longer 😆 no plans to move back to the UK.

We’re in a commuter town right next to Tokyo.

Can’t think of much else - any interest feel free to ask!

This I don’t know from personal experience, there is a Japanese YouTuber that did an interview with someone with ASD sharing their experience.

Sorry my question probably came off as rude, didn’t mean it too just fascinates me how people living in Japan seem to have some kind of arrogance around it xxx

Hi OP! <waves>
I’m in Kanagawa too but down on the coast
I’ve been in Japan for more than 30 years now - there actually used to be a Living in Japan thread about 10 years ago so there are a few MNers who live in Japan, I think.

just a few points from this thread - you absolutely can own property as a foreigner (it’s getting the bank loan/mortgage that can be difficult). For example, two of my closest women friends have bought flats in the past couple of years. And there are those foreigners who buy old Japanese houses in the countryside and do them up (sometimes featured on those TV shows!)

about LGBT rights, on an official level, things are catching up very slowly but there is still no recognition of same-sex marriage. However more and more local authorities are issuing partnership certificates to same-sex couples to ensure they have rights as a couple (where I live was one of the first cities to do this)

amp.theguardian.com/world/2022/nov/01/tokyo-issues-same-sex-partnership-certificates-amid-marriage-equality-debate

hope you’re having a good Sunday! Gone very chilly hasn’t it? Lots of snow in many areas today

Oh wow, I love all the wedding stuff! Do you have a picture of types of outfits? Did you wear a Japanese outfit?

The maternity experience sounds so hard :( I’m glad the hospital stay was good though. How did you get support for your pnd btw?

um, I don’t know. I certainly don’t think I’m any better or anything for living in Japan, just thought people might be interested.
I really love where I live but at the end of the day that’s what it is, where I live.

I didn’t think I was being arrogant anywhere on this post…..I apologise if that’s how it came across.

later on you post saying you didn’t mean this question to come off as rude, but it did.
you said foreigners in Japan have a superiority complex and I’m a foreigner in Japan so that includes me.

Omg I didn’t mean you, argh I feel awful!!! Just other people, bloggers, YouTubers etc xxx

I didn’t know that about house loans - maybe that’s what I was thinking of, getting the loan? I’ve only heard about it from friends never tried it.
good to know!

yeah the individual wards always fascinated me, it’s like in London being able to get married in Westminster but not in Ealing?

and yes very cold. Always miss central heating this time of year!

I had a very lacey western dress. Originally I planned to do a Kimono for the reception but underestimated how much a wedding costs so had to cut it.
we still after nearly four years haven’t got round to doing a photo for this traditional style!!!
Ive attached a picture of my dress and then the traditional kimono photo I want to take.
for a traditional Shinto wedding though ss kimono would be all white with a headdress.

Ohh I see - and understand more what you mean.

it’s hard to say - “omg never do this in Japan” titled content does get more views due to its click bait nature.

sometimes being a foreigner here you feel you need to be on your best behaviour - you do get judged as a foreigner. So when someone comes and is really rude or offensive it feels like they’re making it harder for foreigners already living here.
I definitely went through a phase of having a complex like that.

but I just saw a video from abroad in Japan where it was all “things I hate living in Japan” - which feels like bad taste to me.

so it on the YouTuber! Some have lived in Japan almost ten years so they do have some experience in it - and even if they’re also a foreigner in Japan, that doesn’t mean they can’t call out others for something legit.
I had a friend who never bothered separating the trash when putting his restaurant tray back and smirked like “whatever the staff will do it” and that was annoying.

you are right though that some people do have a power trip over newbies in Japan because they’ve been here longer.
or criticise people who think it’s all harajuku and anime - of course it’s not but being in that phase of discovering Japanese culture is so fun and amazing so I don’t think mocking people like that is fair at all.

Sorry and yes I did! Had some amazing friends, new friends too, who made a community and got us through it, guiding us to the right places.

Is that is your wedding pic with the faces blanked out? If so, I notice you have tattoos. How do you find your Japanese friends or strangers react to them?

I lived in Japan for ages (over a decade) but left in the mid-2000s. Tattoos were still very much taboo in mainstream society then. My young adult DD, who was born in Japan, is planning to spend time studying or working there in future. She has a couple of tattoos on her upper arm - easy to cover up with long sleeves, but too big for the 'cover with a plaster' advice at onsen, and definitely noticeable when wearing short-sleeved shirts in a Japanese summer! I have been wondering how they will go down when she is back in Japan.

Yes it is!

I’ve never had major issues bar one work company being very strict at making me cover them.
to be honest I’m not that keen on going to public onsen anyway so over all I haven’t really been affected.

work places will insist on them being covered still but other than that I can’t see any problems.

I’m so curious about baby sleep advice! I know loads of south and East Asian countries assume cosleeping until a late age and I wondered Japan’s take on this.
(Not saying this is right/wrong btw as I know you have a small child and think every mother needs to do what’s best for them - I just like seeing how world advice differs!)

Yeah in Japan they co sleep until around 6ish - but I just checked with DH and he says it can vary.
one thing is earthquakes - it’s better to be with young kids than in a separate room.
It’s seen as like a river - mum and dad either side and baby sleeping soundly in between.

I was dead against co sleeping but ds ended up really needing it - and I ended up loving it!
I had a close friend who was a nurse and she just advised me to make sure DS was above our heads so we couldn’t accidentally pull covers over him.

It’s also a space issue, Japanese homes can be smaller so whilst kids are young it’s easier to all sleep together.
And only one room to need to heat!

My Japanese friends are always really surprised when I tell them how early babies often sleep alone in the UK.

We only moved to our current place three months ago and so we haven’t got DS’s room set up properly (as we’re so used to co sleeping).
I’m excited to kick him out for the space back and at the same time will really miss having him right there.

That’s really interesting! Is it something they advocate or just assume you’re doing? I wonder what the SIDS rates are like. Do most people use traditional futon style beds? (Which would make it much safer tbh). It’s always refreshing to read as a fellow cosleeper!
did you get much breastfeeding support? (If that’s what you chose to do)

What is your apartment block like? Is it a real high rise and is there much community feeling?

Oooo I have the chance to work in Japan but I'm a bit worried as I'm mixed race. Would it be a problem do you think? I only speak English but would be working for an English company in Tokyo. Can wfh as well.

I think it’s mostly something they assume you’re doing - I never had anyone talk to me about it.
The SIDS rates in Japan are much lower I think.

we had a bed in the beginning but we’ve had futon beds for a while - you can fold them up in the morning if you want more space but we’re too lazy for that. You do need to be careful checking for mould though and making sure you’re cleaning well.

breastfeeding is encouraged but I wasn’t able to and we used formula so I’m not sure on the support if you run into difficulties. A friend of mine did and I know she paid to see someone privately.

our apartment block is a little unique, you enter in through the small lobby and then into the courtyard and then there are six little blocks with three floors. It’s really cute.

but no, everyone keeps to themselves. We will say good morning etc and everyone’s friendly but that’s it.

I mean it wouldn’t be an active problem - especially if your main environment is English.
I think in Tokyo being a much more diverse city (in terms of fashion, style) etc it would definitely be better. I cannot say for sure that you would never come across any racist or discriminatory situations.
Also I see everything from a white persons perspective so I might not pick up on subtle things that other mixed race people experience.

I would say though if you have the chance - do it! It’s such an amazing opportunity to live and work abroad. There are so many fun things to do here.
YouTube might have some good videos/interviews with mixed race in Japan.

Also Tokyo has a lot of signs etc in English - if you were only going to be here a year then I’d say just do you. But if it was a long term opportunity I would definitely recommend enrolling in a language school and trying to pick up some Japanese.

Hope I'm not too late to the party? I have flights booked for a tour we were going to do with The Adventure People and they've just cancelled the entire tour! What would you recommend doing to find tours when we arrive in Japan? We arrive in Tokyo on 1st April and I'm really worried everything will be booked up if I leave it too late as it's such a popular time of year. We've got 15 days in Japan and were hoping to see loads of the country and return to Tokyo for the last 5 days (for which i've booked a hotel already separately). All of the UK companies seem to be booked up or don't cater for kids (dd is 11). Any suggestions would be really hugely appreciated!

Japan is a very easy place to get round by yourself, even if you don't speak Japanese, and with several months to plan and book things you could easily organise everything yourselves (there is no requirement to be escorted any more, as there was when Japan was just opening up post-covid).

But if you aren't confident in doing that, you could talk to a company like Inside Japan, which organises both guided and self-guided tours - they might be able to help you plan an itinerary based on your interests to follow by yourself (I know people who have used them to do this and found it really easy), or you might find one of their groups to join.

www.insidejapantours.com/self-guided-japan-holidays/

Sounds like @exexpat has you covered with advice!
I didn't speak much AT ALL when I came here on my first trip and got around okay - I recommend the japanese rail pass which you need to buy in the UK, because it makes Shinkansen cheaper and if you choose JR Rail lines you can get around on the same ticket.

Also the app hyperdia can help you figure out your way and can help you navigate only using JR lines too. Google maps is always a life saver too.

Also Golden Week the most popular time when most of the country has a few days off is later - April is back to school and work for most Japanese people (beginning of school year) so it won't be as busy as you think.

Things you need to book in advance are things like the Ghibli Museum in Tokyo (its great but only if you're a huge Ghibli fan - its very exhibition style so not so much interactive, but great if you know your movies. Gift shop is a bit pricey but there are Ghibli shops in other areas that are cheaper)

Theme parks you would maybe need to advance but could also book on the day.

My first trip I was mainly based in Tokyo. Other places I'd recommend are of course Kyoto (I love and recommend the Arashiyama part - this is a wonderful big forest and free)
I also loved Takayama in Gifu - such a beautiful place to just wonder around

I wouldn't personally recommend tours but it's only because I like going at my own pace.

What made you choose Japan and what is everyone in your family into?
Anime/Manga/samurai/ninja? (Sorry just going by the most obvious!)
We can recommend a bit more personally then.

But yes, you have plenty of time and will be absolutely fine!

Thank you @exexpat I have been looking at rail passes and agree I can do a more personalised tour just the two of us!

My daughter is into Manga (Toilet bound is her fave atm, if you've heard of it!) so we knew we would want a bit more time in Tokyo for the kawaii bits and possibly Disney. I'm also looking at the Ghibli Theme Park but tickets aren't on sale to tourists yet... We both love sushi and fish so any fun restaurants would also be a hit. We also want to see as much cherry blossom as possible and monkeys

I'm feeling a bit calmer about it now. Thank you both for the advice!

For manga take her around Akihabara - it's a good spot for all that. No idea on toilet bound - DD is definitely cooler than me. Does she know Demon Slayer or Spy family by any chance?

Please be aware anime/manga comes in many themes and in any big anime store there will be some interesting sections! ahem

Also take her through Harajuku, she'll love it I'm sure. Takeshita street is the one you're looking for. Start at the top and just walk down. Cute stuff for days.
Shibuya 109 is a slight assault on the ears, but has lots of cute fashion stuff.
Pretty sure there's a Ninja cafe in Tokyo - search any character and cafe and there may be a themed cafe for you to try.

Karaoke!!!!!!!

If you look around depending where you are for an Aeon Mall, Lalaport or Mozo, these are places where you can hopefully find some Japanese themed clothes in her size that aren't necessarily "souvenir" type stores you can get them for cheaper. (I.e. Buy moooore)
If you feel like venturing out look up "Grandberry" which is an outlet mall not too far from us so just outside Tokyo, its also got a Snoopy museum and Shaun the Sheep cafe. Lots of ufo catchers (crane games) and cute stuff.
If you want a shopping haul day I'd recommend that - most malls have a good food court you can enjoy.
Uniqlo is cheaper here, and GU is a sister brand that is the closest thing to Primark type prices.

If you search the store "Kiddyland" there are quite a few around and have lots of cute stuff. Does she have any characters she likes? Hello Kitty, Rirakkuma etc.?

Sushi - you can go to a dirt cheap place and still enjoy!
I recommend: (in order of my preference)

Kura Sushi
Hamazushi
Sushiro

They're chains so around everywhere - and very cheap so you can eat a lot and enjoy. Most Japanese people go to these places. Me, DH and DS will eat our full and come out at around £10/£12.

Sorry I got overexcited and in to my stride now. `
I went to Disney Sea, I did enjoy it but Disney is still Disney just in Japan. Probably slightly cuter but similar. Depending on time.

Cherry Blossom is hard to predict so no guarantee it will bloom when you're here - it does vary depending on where in Japan. Happy for you to PM nearer the time and we can try and see where they're at. They're really beautiful.