I live in Japan - AMA

[tanitani]

Hello! I did this years ago but I’m a lot more experienced and had a lot more “life experience” here now.

excluding a six month stint in the UK this year, I’m approaching my sixth year living in Japan.

DH is Japanese with a decent daily conversation level English - we met here.
Also got an almost 3 year old DC.

Been through dating, marriage, pregnancy and birth in Japan.
Currently working part time.

Originally came over as a church volunteer for a year or so but ended up much longer 😆 no plans to move back to the UK.

We’re in a commuter town right next to Tokyo.

Can’t think of much else - any interest feel free to ask!

How come you chose to live in Japan vs Uk - what is main benefit?

How soon did you go back to work after having your child?

Do you think you’ll have any more children?

Also what’s the typical school day like?

I am amazed you are vegetarian! How do you do it?

I do absolutely worry about this!

I’m hoping that by having a loving supportive non-pressure home environment we’ll be able to counter it somehow. As long as he gets passing grades (so he can do what he wants to do next) we don’t care where he places in class.
We won’t be pressuring him to go to cram school or any extra study unless he wants to - other than that we’ll play it by ear and see what his school ends up like and how it affects him. But definitely one I want to keep an eye on.

Yes and it’s the bane of my life in Winter! Japanese homes are very poorly insulated.
Every home has an air conditioner that can double as a heater.

we also use electric heaters or kotatsu which is a table with a heater underneath and a blanket to keep the heat in.

Unfortunately yes, absolutely. It can be in your face, like a man setting fire to some homes in a Korean dominant area or less obvious but still discriminatory.
During peak Covid one council office advised against various things including “eating with foreigners.”
until recently foreign tourists weren’t allowed except japanese people were allowed in and out of the country.

the level of racism depends on the person, and unfortunately the type of foreigner.
As a white female I have a different experience to say a Filipino or black woman.

in the bigger cities you find more pockets of foreigners, so we’re quite near Tokyo and I see foreigners fairly regularly. I’d say about 90% Japanese though.

The more you can speak Japanese the easier ride it is to being accepted but I’ll always be on the outside to a certain extent.
Generally this doesn’t come up in daily life, just once in a while so it’s not a pressing issue for me personally. However if there’s any chance to speak up I will take it - taking it on the chin won’t help anyone to change.

I'm interested in your food options.

Are you cooking Japanese? Or is it a mix of European/ British and Japanese?
And what's your favourite Japanese dish ... what food do you miss from the UK that you can't buy or import?

Disclaimer: I moved to the uk and I still struggle with some of the foods... especially seasonal stuff like Christmas- it's just not the same!

How did your dh family feel about him marrying you? Have they accepted he’s not with a Japanese girl?

A loud “hora!” (Sounds like horror) will work well.
in all seriousness I really hope nothing will happen to ruin your experience, but avoid rush hour and hopefully you’ll be safe and fine.

We actually tried six months in the UK but it didn’t work out.

Once I got married here I assumed I’d stay, the spouse visa process isn’t nearly as simple as people think it is. We ended up trying six months but it was going to be too expensive to make work.

Essentially in Japan our money just goes further. This was the big decider. We can afford a small but comfortable two bedroom apartment 30 minutes from the centre of Tokyo for around 800 a month, this wasn’t achievable in London.
Also after almost six years it does feel like home.

I went back to work around 8 months old, but it was more that I found a good part time opportunity that eventually became full time. My previous company treated me very badly during pregnancy so I had no desires to return to the same company.

I would like one more but I had very bad PND and PNA when DS were born so we’re both a bit wary of the same thing happening again.
I would like one more though I think.

Oooh! I guess I mostly cook Japanese as sauce and seasoning wise that’s what’s most easily available.
I tend to rotate with pasta, japanese curry or stew, or a combination of a meat dish, tofu dish and sides.
I’d describe it as japanese through a westerner’s eyes 😂

My favourite dish is so simple, it’s Kitsune Udon which is a big slab of sweet tofu and udon noodles. It’s dirt cheap but I absolutely love it.

I miss decent vegetable stock, chocolate hobnobs and prawn cocktail crisps!
Oh and fish shop chips.

and dominos where you switch out the sauce for barbecue sauce!
oh and Nando’s.

I’m not a 100% sure as we haven’t got there any yet, but this is how most nurseries go
arrivals and free play, then snack time, then going out to the park or walk, everyone will have outside time.

afternoon is nap time, snacks and play.

My particular school is

9am kids arrive
10am circle time (singing, dancing, checking the weather etc)
10:45 snack time
11:00 park
12 story time
12:15 lunch
1pm clean up and nap time/ play
2pm home

from junior high school age (13 years old ish) the kids start to have after school activities. Everyone has to do one and it often ends up becoming a huge part of their lives.
In the evening many kids will go to cram school for extra study or extra curriculars.

in my opinion, kids’ schedules are too heavy and must be exhausting. Definitely something I want to be relaxed about for DS.

Sorry I forgot one.

luckily I love tofu! It’s definitely getting easier as there are more and more options, especially nearer to Tokyo.
eating out can be tricky still though - many places have no veggie option at all.

I got lucky with my in-laws, many don’t!

they were always fine with me and his mother’s only concern was that if we could communicate or not.
she’s always been fairly “it’s your life so you do you”.

Are you religious? I think you mentioned you volunteered with church. Is it easy to practice your religion there?

Is it achievable to buy your home here? Yes housing does seem affordable compared to the UK!

Fascinating thread, op!

Generally speaking, what is Japan's relationship with China like?

i agree the spouse visa process in the UK is expensive and of little benefit if you are settled in another country and are ok with the lifestyle. I have a friend who is Singaporean but married to a Brit and they both live in Japan. She asked me whether she should move here and honestly I struggle to tell her of any benefits. I mean she has a masters from a UK university so i am sure she will get a job etc but whether its better than what she has now, i don't know.

I am a foreigner married to a Brit but we live in the UK mainly due to chance- at that time, DH was studying in Germany so we worked out that if i moved there to be with him, we could relocate back to the UK using EU law (this route does not exist anymore) and only pay £65. Process was quite long but at least we were together. And as we were in our early 20s then we could live with DH's family while waiting for the visa and as it turns out, it took such a long time for it to be finalized that we managed to save a sizable deposit (even in London!) which is how we bought in London and I guess are pretty much settled here. My friend wouldn't have the same conditions that I did and as a foreign spouse, I would not have moved to the UK (even if I do love London) if I was happy enough in the other country. Its just too much of a sacrifice for limited benefit. I wasn't happy back in my home country though and was young so decided to take the leap plus had a pretty cheap route and family support.

Yes I am, no problems at all. Japan is mostly a culturally buddhist/shinto country but very much "you do your thing over there and everything's fine" kind of thing!

Financially yes, but it's very difficult for non-japanese to buy property, if at all. So lucky I have DH! We're a few years away from being able to think about it though because of all the upheaval we've had. Hopefully within the next five years we can think about it.

Glad you enjoy!

Japanese people tend to not talk about politics so it can be hard to gauge, politically I think they're in the same boat as everyone else.
I think COVID has definitely done some damage as unfortunately people do tend to lump government policies and decisions in with ordinary citizens.

Japan tends to skip over a lot of its dark parts historically so I wouldn't be surprised if most young people weren't aware of Japan's actions in China.

You're quite right. We were looking at a six month minimum processing time, and DH could only be in the UK for six months without a visa. However I had to work six months before we could even apply, so when he went back to Japan we said goodbye not knowing when he would ever see him again.
This open-ended separation was really hard and only ended up being two months but we didn't know that. Sending him off was one of the hardest things I'd had to do and this made us really think "is this worth it?"

London was also the only place that made sense for us and with rising rent prices, and one salary not being enough but nursery being so expensive........it was just too hard.

There are wonderful things about living in the UK but in terms of changing the current lifestyle to move there......it didn't feel worth it to me.

I loved the protection DH would have over work overtime, the working culture and more open minded culture for DS, but we'd never be able to enjoy it without working ourselves to death to keep it open.
Japan has its down points for sure, but even though DH only earns around 2000 a month it covers everything, with some money for savings and having fun.
Me working part time for extra expenses (code: SHOPPIIIIIING!) give us a not rich but decent lifestyle.
My only downside is that DH works very very hard. (He left at 8am and it's now 8:35 and still no sign of him.)

Hi OP, I live in Japan too (in Aichi), I'm originally from London and I have a one year old born here as well. Maybe we could be online mum friends? 💕

Have you found it easy to make friends? Do your family visit much?

Any particular cultural differences you found hard?

Ooh and anything you now think is weird in the uk as you’re used to it being different in Japan?

How much holiday do you get?

What do you do on weekends/for leisure?

Is it normal to be a working mum?

ok I’ll leave you alone now!