I live in Japan - AMA

[tanitani]

Hello! I did this years ago but I’m a lot more experienced and had a lot more “life experience” here now.

excluding a six month stint in the UK this year, I’m approaching my sixth year living in Japan.

DH is Japanese with a decent daily conversation level English - we met here.
Also got an almost 3 year old DC.

Been through dating, marriage, pregnancy and birth in Japan.
Currently working part time.

Originally came over as a church volunteer for a year or so but ended up much longer 😆 no plans to move back to the UK.

We’re in a commuter town right next to Tokyo.

Can’t think of much else - any interest feel free to ask!

@tanitani - I am not fully sure of his residency. I know he has been working in Japan for 20 years or more but he does have a British Passport ( his daughters have both Japanese and UK ones ) - I know he has both a UK & Japanese driving licence but not sure he has a Japanese passport. So it may be a difference between working and residency - he is allowed to work full time in Japan and has been doing for ages. - not sure. I just know from what he has told me he cannot own property in his own right . Not sure of the ins and outs.

Ohhh please!!

Can I ask what you think someone living in Tokyo with 2 adults and 2 kids should earn per year to live a decent life? In GBP x

We visited Japan with our coeliac son a few years ago. We used a travel agent who prebooked hotels and had informed them in advance and also gave us a card in Japanese to share with restaurants etc. Mainly it was fine.

One hotel said the meal only had a tiny bit of gluten in the soy sauce - we explained that wasn’t ok so we went away again while they prepared fresh food for him.

I think it’s just not a normal part of culture. It’s very important to not impose on anyone around you or cause them any trouble so people tend to suck it up a lot and seemingly cut the person off rather than dealing with it.
Also in schooos it’s much more about remembering what the teacher tells you, memorise everything and that’s it.
Students aren’t encourage to speak out or share their opinion - some are too shy to anyway in case it’s different from what someone else says. Culturally it’s important to stay a part of the group, being on the outside is the worst thing that could happen to you. So people tend to not be great at conflict resolution.
of course this is very broadly speaking and depends on the individual too.

It depends where you want to live - Tokyo itself is very expensive and you’re paying a lot for not a lot.
If you pick one of the commuter towns like Yokohama or Kawasaki - it’s cheaper and much more family orientated. You’re still close enough to Tokyo to go have fun if you want.

DH earns around 2000 a month, and me with my part time bits and bibs get about £600.

it is doable, and we have fun, but do have to keep an eye on things.
if you were both working, assuming in an English teaching position you’d be able to earn around 3000 a month together and I think that would be okay.
It depends on how luxuriously you want to live and what your spending habits are!
If you can get into nursery it is cheap, and free from three years old but places are hard to come by cuz there aren’t enough of them.

Glad you were okay! Certainly the big cities are much more aware now.

thank you !! £3000 a month ok! we are app developers so would hopefully be remote working from home on our apps but would love to move. been looking into the visa situation but it gets sooo complicated!

It definitely does. I haven’t looked into the entrepreneurial visa, might be a way in?

you can look at websites like suumo to get an idea of housing prices, if you use Google chrome there should be a translation function.

Ah interesting thread, thank you op.

Can I please ask have you done much travelling and seeing the rest of Japan? Is there a big difference between the big cities and small country villages?

And an odd question🙈 is karate a popular hobby in Japan? I'm genuinely curious to know how popular this actually is in Japan and how traditional it still is?

Thank you!

I realise my first question sounds quite stupid. Of course there's a difference but I mean in terms of are there still a lot of small, traditional villages or are the smaller villages and towns also quite modern now too?

Thank you so much for such a fascinating thread! I’ve always adored Japan. I went around 12 years ago and it was such an incredible experience, but I can imagine so much has changed. I’m a vegetarian now and actually that’s one of the things I was worried about, as last time I ate EVERYTHING (and the food was so incredible you really didn’t know/care what you were eating!) so it was good to know I could possibly go back and still eat veggie!

Here goes my questions!

1. when I was there, the girls in Tokyo (particularly Harakuku) all used to wear high heeled gorgeous shoes. All of them! Is this still a thing? I was always amazed. Do you follow the fashion?
2. I remember the sales assistants used to talk in really high pitch voices! Is this still the case?
3. We got our photos taken loads! Do you deal with this or do you seem less like a foreigner now?
4. kids used to wear their school uniforms all year round. Again is this a thing and does your son wear uniform yet?
5. what’s your typical breakfast? I used to have miso and rice balls 🥰

I remember hearing about the work culture too. It must be really hard. My dh also works very long hours and weekends is often taken up with some family time but often rest, which is why annual leave is such a lifesaver! So I really feel for you. How do you find managing to get time together? Are there many bank holidays?

Does dh work from home much?

Do you recommend any Japanese tv shows?

Random one but I’m curious about what it’s like for lgbtq people there.

Also is mental health discussed and dealt with or still seen as a stigma?

Im really curious about what maternity and childbirth is like over there. Is it similar to uk where there are midwives or is it more like America where it’s all hospitalised? (Unless you have an actual homebirth). Any interesting Japanese traditions with childbirth/young children?

Hi! Did you have a Japanese wedding? What’s it like? Do you take your husbands surname?

Sorry if this has already been asked but have you been to Tokyo and would you recommend it as a place to visit for a holiday?

I would like to know how it is for people with ASD in Japan?

Thanks for replying, and not an easy one. It's really interesting.

I checked with DH and he said he’s sure it’s more popular overseas than in Japan now. Judo is more popular I/he thinks.

not as much travelling as I’d like! The smaller villages might be less modern in terms of how many facilities are available. For example cinema etc

there are some super traditional villages (search Shirakawa go) but most villages tend to have a moderate shopping mall a short drive away.
It depends on the demographics because it is also popular in Japan to return to your hometown and build your house if possible - obviously in the country your money goes further. So if there are lots of families businesses will pop up etc.

There are some countryside villages that have advertised asking for people to come live there because of the population is dying out. kanna machi in gunma prefecture is one place struggling.
I think out of 1800ish residents 59% are elderly - these kind of places tend to be more traditional, just purely cuz there are more elderly.

my husband’s grandmother’s house is amazing. Huge traditional house with tatami mats too.

1. Yes they do! Maybe not as much before but you do see them. I love it - I just adore fashion here and when I go into Tokyo people watching is amazing! I love brands here - I’m not particularly fashionable but I’ll post some of my typical outfits. They were taken on my better days - when I can be bothered to make an effort! Not a harajuku style girl but my friend is and I love it - she’s full on kawaii cute and a mum too and I just love it so much.
2. It depends on the person but yes! Especially in places like Shibuya 109. Normal everyday stores not so much.
3. never had this - or I wasn’t aware. Feel a bit snubbed now 😆
4. he doesn’t have uniform at his age yet, but some kindergartens too. Honestly my heart will explode when he does. The uniforms are seen as fashion too and to be honest I do think they’re cute! Especially the sailor type ones.
5. I love rice balls!!! Honestly usually o have a cup of tea and English muffin with peanut butter. If I’m super tired it’s a rice ball and red bull from the convenience store. (Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it)

making time together as a pair is really hard - during New Years break we intend to leave with grandparents and BAIL for a date.

I genuinely hope this isn’t TMI but keeping Saturday night “couple time” ahem once DS is asleep sacred helps.

we have the new year break coming up soon, there are some bank holidays now and then too. Childcare is the tricky part but there are temporary daycare places you can use that we plan to.

LGBTQ people are still mostly under the radar - I’m not sure how safe it is to come out here as Japan is still very very conservative in that area. Some celebrities have drag personas but these are only tolerated because it’s a “character”.
Bravely people are speaking out and campaigning for rights, but still anyone “different” runs the risk of being isolated. It’s sad.
I can’t speak fully on the community’s behalf though.

Yes! Dramas okay!

Konodori - set in an maternity hospital and actually does a great job of talking about modern issues!
we married as a job - this was hugely popular about five years ago, and has a small lgbt representation.
silent poor - if you can find it. Still my favourite japanese drama to date but it’s not famous.
great teacher Onizuka- hasn’t aged phenomenally well but still good.
PICU - set in children hospital.
Code Blue - another hospital one but was famous last year I think.
The first penguin - “This drama follows a single mother who, like a First Penguin, dives into the fishing industry despite not having any experience or knowledge about it. Together with the fishermen, she rows through stormy seas to bring about reforms” currently on.
bitter blood - ridiculous in places but I love it. Police drama.

Yeah it’s still fairly stigmatised, people with mental health issues are seen as “crazy”. I’m fairly open with mine when it’s appropriate because I want to help change that - many people are struggling in silence.

so natural birth is pushed more than anything and pain relief is hard to come by.
they do scans a lot more here, right up until due date.
The one thing that is really hard is they are SO strict with weight gain, and will have a go at you sometimes if you gain too much. They have this weird idea that if you put on too much weight the baby won’t get out - I mean I struggle to imagine exactly how fat and bloated a vagina will get that the baby can’t get out.
This is more cultural based I fear than medical, and is a really disappointing factor in maternity care, especially in one that is so attentive in other areas.

Id say it’s fairly mixed with midwife led clinics and hospitals. DS was last minute emergency so we had to switch from a small clinic to university hospital for c section and NICu care.
The hospitalisation is a lot longer. I was in for five days. My japanese friends are shocked when I tell them how quick we discharge in the UK!
I did enjoy the hospitalisation though as I found the hospital care great, and very reassuring to be monitored so closely that my incision was healing well.

there are some wonderful traditional photos taken, baby’s first shrine visit (you can do this is a non-religious way if you like so anyone can do) and a typical photo.
we didn’t do any of these as I was too ill with PND to think straight. I understand there’s no way I could have pushed myself to do it - but I feel sad we don’t have these of DS now.
He will have his “shichi go san” next year which celebrates ages 3, 5 and 7. I think boys only do the older ones but I think japanese people love any excuse for a dress up and celebration.

We didn’t do the traditional Shinto wedding but we did have a japanese wedding in all other sense.
Japanese weddings are highly organised, of course!
they’re typically 3 hours or so. I love it because I’m not a hit the dance floor party all night type of person and I get bored at weddings. We both kinda do so we wanted it to be fun as possible.
you usually have a ceremony, then reception. The ceremony is fairly short and the couple leave for a little bit then come back in.
of course there’s food etc and the couple go round greeting everyone. We had some performances like some dance friends do a performance, then DH’s sister and her husband did a song I love.
DH jumped up and joined in which I had no idea, was really fun.

Then there are speeches, typically someone from your company. Then a friend.
Then you read a letter to your parents thanking them for raising you etc. we did this and did a letter to in-laws because it was an international marriage and a lot was changing for everyone.
You have an MC leading the reception which is great. Then you stand outside and hand out some kind of goody bag to people as they go home.

biggesy difference: people pay to attend the wedding. So you make a lot of money back. It’s crazy - I still can’t get my head around it but no gifts, just cash in an envelope!

Sorry forgot some.
the couple go to buy wedding outfits together! So everyone was so interested that I kept the dress a secret from DH! The shop staff were very confused as well. I took DH’s mum and sister as I couldn’t go with my own mum.
DH’s mum paid for the dress which she’d been planning, I had no idea. Usually dresses and suits are rental (DH’s suit was a rental) but we bought mine.
SIL ended up modifying and using it too which was really nice.

I took DH’s surname, I was really excited to have a japanese surname but end up correcting people half the time as it’s slightly unusual but sounds similar to a more common one. 😆

Yeah we’re just outside Tokyo.

I do! I feel there’s so much to do there. I’m not the kind of traveller who likes to move around every few days. I like to plonk myself somewhere and explore it. Tokyo has traditional things, super modern things and some lovely neighbourhoods.

Why do foreigners living in Japan seem to have a superiority complex … noticed it today when we were watching a video of a foreigner bashing other foreigners behaviour. We were like, you’re both foreign though 🤔🧐 DP is Japanese for what its worth x