My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AMA

I’m a white woman who married a Muslim man AMA?

152 replies

Vielendanke · 02/09/2022 14:57

As the title says, I’m a white British lady who married a Muslim man, an Asian Muslim man no less. I realise it’s not that uncommon these days but whenever the topic comes up with new people I meet, say at work, or through friends etc people always seem to have a 10001 questions, some that they are quite timid to ask.

so it’s made me think that maybe people have questions on this sort of thing, and some they maybe don’t feel comfortable asking face to face to someone they ‘know’…. Enter MN

Ama and I’ll answer honestly, the good the bad and the ugly

OP posts:
Report
JustTheOneSwan · 02/09/2022 15:45

I agree about organised religion, I'm lapsed for similar reasons and the homosexuality problem. (Catholic)
Between Islam and culture you won't have much left of yourself, just keep someone around in case you ever change your mind though.

Report
Sepiarose · 02/09/2022 15:45

Do you feel like you have true connection with God through your conversion to God, or do you just go along with certain protocols so you could marry your husband without causing some kind of scandal?

Report
Sepiarose · 02/09/2022 15:46

Conversion to Islam, sorry

Report
TheNinthLock · 02/09/2022 16:02

Do his family treat your DH differently for marrying outside his religion? Did they try to talk him out of marrying you?

Report
Cabsnotlint · 02/09/2022 16:07

Is your Son to your husband? Very unusual that you said your Son isn't circumcised.

Why not?

Report
Vielendanke · 02/09/2022 16:08

Sepiarose · 02/09/2022 15:45

Do you feel like you have true connection with God through your conversion to God, or do you just go along with certain protocols so you could marry your husband without causing some kind of scandal?

I really really did! And I was actually more religious than my husband and actually his lax approach actually rubbed off on me and now I’m quite faltering faith wise I’d say

(not just him , how the larger Muslim community sort of treated me played into this too and you know bad things that happen in all our lives that makes us question god)

OP posts:
Report
Vielendanke · 02/09/2022 16:09

TheNinthLock · 02/09/2022 16:02

Do his family treat your DH differently for marrying outside his religion? Did they try to talk him out of marrying you?

But I’m not outside his religion. If you mean culture then yes they do. His mum did yes and a few people on the street, most actually just talked shit behind his back

OP posts:
Report
TheNinthLock · 02/09/2022 16:11

I apologise, I meant culture.

Report
Vielendanke · 02/09/2022 16:11

Cabsnotlint · 02/09/2022 16:07

Is your Son to your husband? Very unusual that you said your Son isn't circumcised.

Why not?

LOL

yes he is.

i don’t agree with it for v evidence backed reasons, i shared these with dh and he agreed. His body his choice

OP posts:
Report
shiningstar2 · 02/09/2022 16:13

How about your family? Are they totally accepting of your DH. If so we're they accepting right from the start or have they got to like him better knowing him better? Does he join in your family's cultural celebrations ?

Report
Mannymoomin · 02/09/2022 16:13

Cabsnotlint · 02/09/2022 16:07

Is your Son to your husband? Very unusual that you said your Son isn't circumcised.

Why not?

I disagree that this is unusual, I am in the exact same situation as OP, although I didn’t convert until after marriage and of my own free will.
My boys weren’t circumcised until the oldest was a teenager, again their own choices.
Its a misconception that Muslim boys must be circumcised at birth.

OP does your DH have family over in Pakistan? I think that’s where you said he’s from?
If so, is he still expected to send money to support them now he has his own family to think of?

Report
Cabsnotlint · 02/09/2022 16:16

Sorry had to check I hadn't misunderstood!

I'm asking because circumcision is common in certain African backgrounds also I don't agree with it but his dad has grown up with it and he was really exaggerating why we needed to get DS done at the time and I reluctantly agreed. Don't agree with it either!

So I jut wondered why your Son hasn't been.

Report
Cabsnotlint · 02/09/2022 16:21

@Mannymoomin it's not a misconception based upon what? I've never met anyone who is Muslim and not circumcised. Ds dad is not Muslim but he is circumcised also.

Report
Mannymoomin · 02/09/2022 16:24

@Cabsnotlint I said at birth, it’s a misconception to believe that all Muslim boys are circumcised at birth. When it doesn’t have to be done at birth at all.
Which is exactly why my Muslim boys, we’re circumcised when they were old enough to make the decision for themselves.

Report
Glitteratitar · 02/09/2022 16:26

I know this is AMA but I actually find these thread quite offensive. Not every Muslim man is the same, so what you’re married to a Muslim?

My husband is white and I’m not. Is that newsworthy too?

Report
Glitteratitar · 02/09/2022 16:29

A lot of the questions and responses are more about your DH’s culture rather than religion. Perhaps you should change the heading to “you’re married to a British Pakistani” instead?

Report
Mannymoomin · 02/09/2022 16:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Glitteratitar · 02/09/2022 16:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

And there you have it, the stereotyping.

No, most Muslim families and men are very much not the same. A big part of things is the culture, not the religion.

Report
Namenic · 02/09/2022 16:33

I think amas are nice as people are opening up and I’m sure everyone knows not all Muslim people or asian people are the same. It’s nice to have a personal viewpoint - thank you!

Report
Mannymoomin · 02/09/2022 16:36

Glitteratitar · 02/09/2022 16:31

And there you have it, the stereotyping.

No, most Muslim families and men are very much not the same. A big part of things is the culture, not the religion.

When we talk about Muslims, culture and religion go hand in hand, I agree it shouldn’t, but in a lot of Muslim countries that’s just the way it is.
Marrying into a Muslim family myself, I can certainly tell you, that the women especially, feel they have to abide by strict Islamic rules just to fit in culturally. Again, I don’t agree with it, but that’s just the way it is unfortunately

Report
Violashift · 02/09/2022 16:37

Does it nit nake you intensenly angry the way that woman are bit equal?

Report
fanjosaysi · 02/09/2022 16:38

Glitteratitar · 02/09/2022 16:26

I know this is AMA but I actually find these thread quite offensive. Not every Muslim man is the same, so what you’re married to a Muslim?

My husband is white and I’m not. Is that newsworthy too?

Why does anyone do an AMA? She's in an interracial relationship and started out as a different faith. You're welcome to start a thread about your white hubby

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Glitteratitar · 02/09/2022 16:38

Mannymoomin · 02/09/2022 16:36

When we talk about Muslims, culture and religion go hand in hand, I agree it shouldn’t, but in a lot of Muslim countries that’s just the way it is.
Marrying into a Muslim family myself, I can certainly tell you, that the women especially, feel they have to abide by strict Islamic rules just to fit in culturally. Again, I don’t agree with it, but that’s just the way it is unfortunately

As a Muslim woman myself, I can tell you it’s the culture that’s usually more dominant, not religion. I grew up in a Muslim family and my family and entire community do not abide by strict Islamic rules just to fit in.

So no, not all Muslim families and men are the same, and you and OP add to that stereotype by saying they are when really, it’s the culture of the family you have married into.

Report
Mannymoomin · 02/09/2022 16:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Vielendanke · 02/09/2022 16:47

Glitteratitar · 02/09/2022 16:38

As a Muslim woman myself, I can tell you it’s the culture that’s usually more dominant, not religion. I grew up in a Muslim family and my family and entire community do not abide by strict Islamic rules just to fit in.

So no, not all Muslim families and men are the same, and you and OP add to that stereotype by saying they are when really, it’s the culture of the family you have married into.

Hey! Actually no I didn’t say my experience is representative of ALL Muslim men or even ALL Pakistani men. And whilst not born into it, I am a Muslim woman too.

ive not said my relationship is a representative example of all cross culture marriages just that whenever I meet new people, Asians, white, born Muslim or not they are always quite interested in the ‘juicy’ questions, so this AMA is about my relationship and nothing more

OP posts:
Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.