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I’m a white woman who married a Muslim man AMA?
128

Vielendanke · 02/09/2022 14:57

As the title says, I’m a white British lady who married a Muslim man, an Asian Muslim man no less. I realise it’s not that uncommon these days but whenever the topic comes up with new people I meet, say at work, or through friends etc people always seem to have a 10001 questions, some that they are quite timid to ask.

so it’s made me think that maybe people have questions on this sort of thing, and some they maybe don’t feel comfortable asking face to face to someone they ‘know’…. Enter MN

Ama and I’ll answer honestly, the good the bad and the ugly

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shoebag · 02/09/2022 15:00

Have you converted

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Pootles34 · 02/09/2022 15:00

How religious is your husband, and are you very religious yourself OP? Have you converted?

How have your families reacted to it?

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ItsSnowJokes · 02/09/2022 15:00

Do you feel that your husband treats you as inferior to him and other males?

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shoebag · 02/09/2022 15:01

What religion were you born into?

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Mossygreenchypre · 02/09/2022 15:03

Hi
What branch of Islam does your DH follow?

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FruitPastilleNut · 02/09/2022 15:05

Did either of you convert?

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girlmom21 · 02/09/2022 15:10

Have you both embraced each other's cultures?

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Vielendanke · 02/09/2022 15:12

shoebag · 02/09/2022 15:00

Have you converted

Yes.

i did prior to marriage but found life too hard so sort of went back to my old ways then after meeting DH reconnected

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Apollonia1 · 02/09/2022 15:13

How religious is he?
Do you fast during Ramadan?
Would you want your sons to be circumcised?
Would your daughters be expected to veil?

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Vielendanke · 02/09/2022 15:14

Pootles34 · 02/09/2022 15:00

How religious is your husband, and are you very religious yourself OP? Have you converted?

How have your families reacted to it?

Truthfully not very and when I met him he was that v hypocritical trope you often see in the media.

yes to conversion although it feels like a double life

dh family are unfortunately also that stereotype of a Pakistani family we see in the news. I am accepted now but v much treated as an outsider

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Vielendanke · 02/09/2022 15:15

ItsSnowJokes · 02/09/2022 15:00

Do you feel that your husband treats you as inferior to him and other males?

He doesn’t know but I can see that it’s been bred into him and unfortunately it’s something I see in a lot of my friends that have married Asian/ Muslim men

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Vielendanke · 02/09/2022 15:16

shoebag · 02/09/2022 15:01

What religion were you born into?

Church of England

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JustTheOneSwan · 02/09/2022 15:18

Did you feel pressured to revert to keep him?
Do you hope to break his cultural ties and live away from his family?

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Vielendanke · 02/09/2022 15:18

girlmom21 · 02/09/2022 15:10

Have you both embraced each other's cultures?

It’s a lot easier for my husband as my culture is everywhere and the culture of the land or so to speak, so I’d say he has.

for me I’m not sure I could say I have, as I’m very much an outsider in dh family

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Vielendanke · 02/09/2022 15:19

Apollonia1 · 02/09/2022 15:13

How religious is he?
Do you fast during Ramadan?
Would you want your sons to be circumcised?
Would your daughters be expected to veil?

I’d say on a scale of 1-10 10 being imam of the kabba he’s a 2/3.

yes I used to but I have ibd and it made it really bad

i have a son and he’s not circumcised
i don’t expect or actually want my daughter to veil … I mean I don’t so

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Vielendanke · 02/09/2022 15:21

JustTheOneSwan · 02/09/2022 15:18

Did you feel pressured to revert to keep him?
Do you hope to break his cultural ties and live away from his family?

id already converted but I did feel some pressure to get back into it, i can’t lie to you.

He’s realised a lot of the culture he grew up with is actually quite abusive and he’s getting help for that which I’m glad for.

we already live about 30 mins away

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generalh · 02/09/2022 15:22

Do you have to dress more modestly? Does he expect you to do all the housework etc?

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Vielendanke · 02/09/2022 15:25

generalh · 02/09/2022 15:22

Do you have to dress more modestly? Does he expect you to do all the housework etc?

I wouldn’t say it’s a question of ‘having to’ ie he wants me to but I actually do prefer to, but I’ve found myself less fussed lately but I think i can attribute to that struggling faith wise

community standard wise he does lots and he does do a a fair amount but I’d say i do do slightly more. I do 90% of the cooking. I was quite clear from the beginning the things I’ll stand for and not

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JustTheOneSwan · 02/09/2022 15:32

Can you get your head around the less equal sides of the religion? Will it be bearable forever or are you hoping he will soften his stance?

Have you got anyone outside (mum/friend etc) who's solely on your side?

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Yoyooo · 02/09/2022 15:33

Are you happy?

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Watchthesunrise · 02/09/2022 15:36

What would you need to do to gain status or respect in his family's eyes, do you think?

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Vielendanke · 02/09/2022 15:38

JustTheOneSwan · 02/09/2022 15:32

Can you get your head around the less equal sides of the religion? Will it be bearable forever or are you hoping he will soften his stance?

Have you got anyone outside (mum/friend etc) who's solely on your side?

Sadly I think that’s the same of all organised religion, i don’t however think that’s the true essence of any religion more just that men in positions of power over time have used it as a tool to control women and prop up their power

my husbands stance is pretty dang soft as is lol

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Zeus44 · 02/09/2022 15:38

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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Vielendanke · 02/09/2022 15:39

Yoyooo · 02/09/2022 15:33

Are you happy?

For the most part yes, I feel incredibly blessed to have him and my kids

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Vielendanke · 02/09/2022 15:40

Watchthesunrise · 02/09/2022 15:36

What would you need to do to gain status or respect in his family's eyes, do you think?

I don’t think it’s my job to gain their respect BUT if you’re asking if there’s anything I could do more to truly make the more nasty members accept me more, no there’s not because they never would. I could wear the clothes, stay at home, wait on my MIL, cook all the food and they’d still have sometbing negative to say…

in truth they’d have only really accepted a cousin

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