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I’m a big family mummy

334 replies

Devonmum2022 · 09/08/2022 13:35

So whist talking to a random mum at soft play she was surprised at our “big family” 9 children (full time custody of 3 step children) l. Never thought of us as a big family lol but ask away

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Abra1d1 · 09/08/2022 17:07

Abra1d1 · 09/08/2022 17:05

Quite a lot of people connect having a lot of children with the impact on the planet and the more specific housing shortage in this country.

To be clear, not causing the housing shortage but suffering the consequences.

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Herejustforthisone · 09/08/2022 17:08

I would hate to be one of eleven living in a four bedroom house. 🙁

I wonder what the eldest kids opinion would be…

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onthefencesitter · 09/08/2022 17:10

Abra1d1 · 09/08/2022 17:05

Quite a lot of people connect having a lot of children with the impact on the planet and the more specific housing shortage in this country.

housing shortage has less to do with population than to do with inefficient use of housing. There are terraced houses for 100k in this country which even people on minimum wage can afford. Unfortunately there are good reasons why they would rather pay £1000 for a room in a city as opposed to living in the 'cheaper' place. even in london, there are more bedrooms than people. A large percentage of homes are underoccupied. Even if there were fewer people, if the rich people were buying houses for their 2 year olds, there would still be a shortage.

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Goatinthegarden · 09/08/2022 17:14

Itwillworkifyoutryit2222 · 09/08/2022 16:47

@Goatinthegarden its highly likely they will be at least one of those things in future, it’s highly like they will be tax payers, there’s a good chance at least some of them will care for an elderly relative in future or do it professionally, medics perhaps less certain but out of 9 I’d say there’s a good chance one at least ends up in the nhs.

The UK is set to hit population sig. decline by 2025. We need more young people to keep services going as we will have an aging population who won’t be able to contribute much to the economy.

You all need to pipe down imho about having children being somehow indulgent or irresponsible, if you normalise this attitude you might find the children you’re objecting to will be happy to reduce the population at the other end of the lifecycle when there time comes.

Human life is precious and good actually, let’s try keeping that as a norm before we march ourselves into some hellish dystopia of population control, shall we?
FYI quoting absolute numbers is meaningless, you need to provide a lot of context to make any kind of meaningful point. Otherwise your point is “look! This is a very big number- so no need to worry about future population decrease” - too simplistic and you know it

Population decrease

Well, to be fair, by posting a thread like this, OP is expecting a discussion about the number of children she has.

I merely joined in by commenting that there is no guarantee any of those children will do those things. I couldn’t care less how many children others plan to have. I just find it boring when we’re told we need to be grateful to those that choose to have multiple children because they’re going to be caring for us in our old age. They might become a billionaire tax dodger, go into the prison system, chose to live off grid in a commune, they might become an NHS nurse, they might become a philanthropist that single-handedly revolutionises and funds global health care.

I also never said it was indulgent or irresponsible. It’s certainly a lot of children though, and there is no denying that any family resources (time, money, support, etc) will get diluted with each additional child in the family. OP does however, have the right and the choice to have as many children as she fancies.

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Itwillworkifyoutryit2222 · 09/08/2022 17:14

HangOnToYourself · 09/08/2022 17:02

I was wondering this.

@toomuchlaundry but OP isn’t the dad, it sounds like she’s doing quite a lot of the parenting so I think it is pretty admirable that she’s taken on the responsibility of raising them. If anyone could make the case that she already had her hands full it would have to be her!

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Muminabun · 09/08/2022 17:14

Good for you op. You and your family sound lovely. It’s nice that the siblings can stick together. You must have a lot of energy. I have two and I really struggle. Gosh your bills must be horrendous though.

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TeapotTitties · 09/08/2022 17:16

Herejustforthisone · 09/08/2022 17:08

I would hate to be one of eleven living in a four bedroom house. 🙁

I wonder what the eldest kids opinion would be…

I come from a very large Irish family and I can honestly say, nearly all the eldest ones (out of cousins etc) left between the ages of 16-18.

They couldn't wait to get out, get their own space, and not have to help raise their siblings.

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MercurialMonday · 09/08/2022 17:16

Herejustforthisone · 09/08/2022 17:08

I would hate to be one of eleven living in a four bedroom house. 🙁

I wonder what the eldest kids opinion would be…

Do you really think they'd prefer to be in care rather than living with their Dad, Step Mum - 4 step siblings and now two half siblings?

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Wetblanket78 · 09/08/2022 17:18

Depends on where you live. Ireland for example it's not out of the ordinary to have a large family.

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MolkosTeenageAngst · 09/08/2022 17:18

You give the ages of all the DC but don’t say which are your step children and which are your bio children. I’m assuming the 3yo and 5mo old are your joint children.

Which three are your step children?

Which are your 4 children you had from a previous relationship(s)? Are the 12yos twins or step siblings?

How many bedrooms do you have and what is the set up? Presumably some of the children have to share; are they sharing with their biological siblings or with their step siblings? How many children to a room? Do any of the kids get their own room and, if so, how did you decide who would get which room?

Do the children mostly get on?

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SleepingStandingUp · 09/08/2022 17:19

So you had four with your ex, your partner had three and then you've had two together?

I suppose when you get to seven quite easily, an extra one doesn't seem like a huge thing to do!!

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Itwillworkifyoutryit2222 · 09/08/2022 17:20

ScreechingEchoChamber · 09/08/2022 16:59

You all need to pipe down imho

that's not really very humble, is it?

Lol, fair, not at all humble

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StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 09/08/2022 17:20

Wetblanket78 · 09/08/2022 17:18

Depends on where you live. Ireland for example it's not out of the ordinary to have a large family.

you don't get many Irish families these days with 9 kids. 4 kids is still common, but more than that is definitely considered 'big family' territory.

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SleepingStandingUp · 09/08/2022 17:21

Itwillworkifyoutryit2222 · 09/08/2022 17:14

@toomuchlaundry but OP isn’t the dad, it sounds like she’s doing quite a lot of the parenting so I think it is pretty admirable that she’s taken on the responsibility of raising them. If anyone could make the case that she already had her hands full it would have to be her!

Well hopefully if she'd have preferred her step kids to go into care than have them in her home, she'd be single.

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Devonmum2022 · 09/08/2022 17:22

if You Google bed pods they come up ( I can’t upload photo thanks to rubbish Wi-Fi but will keep trying). Mine each have a tv with long length headphones, a shelf for their bits, a little night light and a rail at the end for clothes they are wearing the next day and the boys have their consoles. We popped a curtain on them so they have some privacy. It gives them their own space. Only ones who didn’t want it were my big girls

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SleepingStandingUp · 09/08/2022 17:23

MercurialMonday · 09/08/2022 17:16

Do you really think they'd prefer to be in care rather than living with their Dad, Step Mum - 4 step siblings and now two half siblings?

Well this is MN so the usual line is that she shouldn't have had more babies without the express consent of all the existing children

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GonnaGetGoingReturns · 09/08/2022 17:23

I'm torn between thinking you have too many children (even with the step-kids) and admiring you for having them, and taking on the step-children!

I think as long as you get on together and are there for each other, then it is what it is.

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SleepingStandingUp · 09/08/2022 17:24

Who shares with whom op and are they desperately encouraging the older ones to go to Uni for their rooms?

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stuntbubbles · 09/08/2022 17:24

How did you find the time and energy to conceive number eight and nine?!

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MercurialMonday · 09/08/2022 17:25

I assumed older kids were step children there - but could be some of OP first 4.

I image step kids will be glad to be with family rather than in care - OP older 4 perhaps more mixed dependent on their ages and how they get on with everyone else - but it does sound like OP does a lot to make sure they don't miss out.

We have 5 people in a 4 bed and love to have space from one another - so 11 people in 4 bed does sound crowded but I image a lot is what you make work.

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GonnaGetGoingReturns · 09/08/2022 17:26

Having said that, DB's best friend has 3 girls (now all teenagers) in a maisonette where they had to struggle for space. He then had a DS with his current DP.

I do think sometimes (especially from their perspectives) that having less space as a child/teenager in a house can be stifling/not great - but that's only hearing their experiences and they have coped.

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mam0918 · 09/08/2022 17:29

Bizare... Obviously 9 kids is a big family, 6 kids is a big family even if you werent counting the stepkids.

I would love a big family myself, I currently have 3 which is strongly 'normal' I feel but still 'big' to a lot of people.

I would say 1, 2, 3 is very standard (most people I know and most families at my kids school fit into this)

4 is pretty normal too (especially among people who have gone on to have children with a second partner etc... in my experance)

you cross to 5 it could be seen as big depending on circumstances (I mean if you have 3 bio kids and 2 part time step kids it might not 'seem' as big to people a 5 close age bio kids etc... which isnt too unusual)

but by 6 your definately into big catagory regardless.

As for questions how do you fit them into a car or book holiday rooms etc...?

I have 3 (would like 5 or 6 although maybe not likely) and we already struggle to fit them in cars.

Hotels like travelodge are built for 2 adults 2 kids etc... and I wouldnt trust them in another room which doubles the cost too (and would still only be 8 not 9) even caravan holidays etc... usually only sleep 6-8 people.

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Dreamwhisper · 09/08/2022 17:32

I would love some tips as I struggle with running a household with 3 DC!

How do you organise washing and cooking? What kind of meals do you cook and how often do you need to go shopping? Do the older ones sort themselves out and you mainly cook for the littler ones?

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MassiveSalad22 · 09/08/2022 17:34

AyeUpMeDuck · 09/08/2022 17:05

And this is why me saving a kettle of water a day is meaningless... Imagine the washing of a 9 child family.. The showers... The baths... The electric.. the gas...

Me and little DD scrimping where energy where we can is a compete waste of time.

I mean, anything any individual does is barely going to help. Change has to be global and come from governments. Plus we have an aging population to the point they’re talking about taxing childless women.

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mam0918 · 09/08/2022 17:37

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 09/08/2022 17:20

you don't get many Irish families these days with 9 kids. 4 kids is still common, but more than that is definitely considered 'big family' territory.

My family is Irish, historically 6 kids was average, by my generation 2 was average.

My DS school is Irish Catholic the are a small few 5-6 kid families but the mass majority are 2-3 kids.

I just sat and thought of every family I can think of and the highest number of kids I can think of was 8 and thats a blended family after parents became widowed and married again in old age (5 from mam, 3 from dad all adults when they became step siblings).

I cant think of a single 9 kid family Ive ever known of (not even in our extensive family tree).

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