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AMA
Original poster

I've served a prison sentence

598 replies

NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 17:51

I've seen a few threads on here recently where the OPs have basically suggested prisoners are the scum of the earth and are all like the likes of Ian Huntley ect.

I've read the comments and seen a few prison officers defending the prisoners and most posters also defending them, but I thought maybe I would answer some questions so people can understand what it's really like to be inside a prison cell.

Ive name changed for obvious reasons.

Il list a few points that I think would be the first questions;

I'm female.

I'm 33 and I was in jail in 2012.

I received a 12 month custodial sentence. I served 13 weeks in jail, 13 weeks on a tag and the remaining 6 months were served on license at home.

I don't want to say exactly what I was in for as I don't want it to be outing. I will clarify though that it was not a violent offence, not a sexual one before I get abuse from posters. To summarise, I was with a boy who wasn't very well behaved and was basically guilty by association. I was young, stupid and naive. And I absolutely paid the price.

I wish I could change the perception of how people see prisoners.

Anyway, ask away.

OP posts:
Lostlostlost3 · 01/08/2022 20:20

No question but wanted to say a massive well done for turning things around. I'm certain your mum is very proud and I hope you are too.

HardRockOwl · 01/08/2022 20:20

How many women would you say were in for things like shoplifting? Are women really jailed for that?

Well done on turning your life around, you've done brilliantly

BenCoopersSupportWren · 01/08/2022 20:21

Really thought-provoking thread OP, thank you for posting. I’m really pleased to hear things have worked out for you since release, and agree with everyone who says this doesn’t define you: it’s something you did, not who you are.

If you could change one thing about the way prisons are run based on your experience - whether a large thing or a small one - what would it be?

Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 20:21

Lengokengo · 01/08/2022 19:21

The timetable you wrote sounds the same as my Catholic boarding school! We also had a chocolate penguin bar every day! Maybe prisons are modelled on convents…

Do you feel that prison served a purpose for you? Did it rehabilitate you? Give you skills to turn your life around?

Hahahaha I see penguins now and think oh how awful 🤣

No, I think they're understaffed, there's no support for the ones that need it. Girls would literally be begging for help to find somewhere to live on their release ect, and would be sent out the door with their £48 release payment and nothing else. They don't teach you any skills to help with your release. I think they intend to, but they're just understaffed!

OP posts:
Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 20:23

DelisButAlsoCrime · 01/08/2022 19:22

This thread is fascinating OP and your responses have been so interesting to read.

Was there media coverage of what you did at the time? And if you Google your name does it still come up? I never really understand why some cases, even very minor ones without any prison sentence, seem to come up super prominently on eg the Daily Mail but some seem to get no attention at all.

Yes there was media coverage!!! It was AWFUL. And because my boyfriend at the time received a pretty hefty sentence there was loads of media coverage on him and then they would all mention me.

I had journalists contact me afterwards to ask if I would do an interview about been in prison but I did not want any more attention brining to myself!

OP posts:
Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 20:24

DelisButAlsoCrime · 01/08/2022 19:22

This thread is fascinating OP and your responses have been so interesting to read.

Was there media coverage of what you did at the time? And if you Google your name does it still come up? I never really understand why some cases, even very minor ones without any prison sentence, seem to come up super prominently on eg the Daily Mail but some seem to get no attention at all.

Oh and if I Google my name now it doesn't come up THANK THE LORD 🙌🏼

OP posts:
Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 20:25

Loginmystery · 01/08/2022 19:22

I wouldn’t judge you at all op. But you’ve made me think about my own experiences. I had a criminal record over 30 years ago. (Minor crime and no one hurt) but I’m so ashamed. I’ve never told my grown up children. Why the bloody shame? I wouldn’t judge anyone else harshly. Anyway this is an interesting thread and I hope you can see not everyone looks down on people who have had your experience.

If you're like me you probably punish yourself far more than you'd deserve! There's no need for us to be so ashamed, but I think I will be for the rest of my life!!

OP posts:
MissMarplesNiece · 01/08/2022 20:25

Were the people working in the kitchen prisoners? What was the most prized job - the one that prisoners really wanted to do? Was it compulsory to work?

CallOnMe · 01/08/2022 20:25

Were you surprised by anything you were allowed in there?

Were you allowed to watch tv whenever you wanted (if you weren’t working) or play on computers?

Many men have random women writing to them apparently - did this happen with the women?

Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 20:26

CaptainBeakyandhisband · 01/08/2022 19:22

If it helps at all, the person I know who has been to prison did some work on my house. I liked him when he came to quote and he seemed motivated etc. when I ran his name through Google all the details came up with the local newspaper. DH and I talked about it but ultimately we decided that the crime was unrelated and he’d paid the price for a shitty decision. I’m so glad we gave him the work because he worked so hard and was great to have around (and we’ve had him back since). We’ve never spoken about prison but I do wonder whether the experience has sort of scared him into behaving - is it like that for you? Would you do anything not to go back?

the person we sentenced had seemingly spent most of his adult life in jail, which is horribly sad.

That's so lovely that you still gave him the work despite knowing! Do you know if he learnt his trade in prison?

Yeah I would do anything not to go back. It rips your life apart, even when it's a short sentence.

OP posts:
TiffanyIceberg · 01/08/2022 20:29

Very silly question, did anyone ever try and escape?

Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 20:30

Idroppedthescrewinthetuna · 01/08/2022 19:25

Without disclosing what you did, it seems like this isn't a straight up guilty/not guilty due to the way you described the association. But did you accept responsibility of the crime that was committed. Do you feel the boy/police put on more blame on you than what was fair?
12 months is a long time for an associate unless it was a big crime or over a substantial amount of time. Do you feel 12 months was the right amount of time.
You spent 13 weeks in prison, do you feel if you had to serve the full 12 months your experience woulld have been less positive. (Falling into fights, drugs and all the cliche prison stereotypes)

Sorry for all these questions. Well done for being brave to make this thread.

Ooh another question..not that sorry really. In Starting this thread, do you feel YOU will get anything out of it? Closure, mapping out what and why it all happened, clearing your thought etc?

I think the police tried to make an example of me. I've seen people charged with the same offence since (sometimes I Google it) and they've got 40 hours community service ect.

I don't think the boy blamed me in interview, he no commented as far as I am aware.

I would have hated to have had to spend the full 12 months there. I think it was ok because I knew I only had to get through 13 weeks, by the time you've 'settled in' you're two weeks in and time goes fast. 12 months would have felt so long.

I'm not sure why I started the thread. I saw a comment on a thread the other day about how prisoners should have to pay rent or something saying that someone on MN will have been to prison so they would know what it's really like and I had been thinking about starting it ever since x

OP posts:
Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 20:31

Monkeytapper · 01/08/2022 19:26

Did you meet any prisoners in there who claimed they were not guilty and you believed them?

You mentioned the drama ‘Time’….I know an ex prison guard who watched it and said it was the most true to life programme that he had seen, the sound of the door banging etc.

No, everyone used to laugh at the ones who would claim their complete innocence. I'm sure there were some who weren't 'guilty' as such, but they probably had some involvement!

Some would be adamant they were innocent though.

OP posts:
Notclosenow · 01/08/2022 20:32

I had a visit to a prison and a talk from a prison governor as part of my job.
He told us 97% of the people in here are not bad. They just just made bad choices and got caught. A large proportion of them were never equipped in how to make good choices. The other 3% are really really bad.
There was frustration from him at the limitations the system and resources put on him and his staff
Good luck

Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 20:32

Ravenclawdropout · 01/08/2022 19:26

When getting to know other women were their any patterns in their backgrounds? Like did more come from unstable families or anything? Was there anything that was more "typical" in the women's backstory before they were convicted?

There was a few who used drugs, a few who had been in care or been abused, and a few that had come from very normal family lives.

You would expect it to be all drug addicts ect, but there was a lot who weren't!

OP posts:
Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 20:33

Crocsandshocks · 01/08/2022 19:29

We're there any good parts about being in gaol? I. E. No housework or cooking?

You still had to do housework! They had a cleaning list and you got allocated a job 🤣

OP posts:
SeriousAlligator · 01/08/2022 20:34

Thanks for this thread OP.

I dated a women who had done about 10 years for manslaughter.

She said she's never had more sex than while in prison.

My ex was also an ex prisoner. She said the same, but that she kept being caught and adding time to her sentence. Is this true(my ex wasn't the most honest of people!) That this would happen?

I know you've answered about sex, but where did it occur when it did?

I've done a few things that had I have been caught, I could have risked prison. I suspect a fair few of us have. Well done on turning things around.

Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 20:37

SlickShady · 01/08/2022 19:32

Thanks for starting the thread and replying to the questions.

  1. It comes across that in a way you still see yourself as an ex-prisoner. That's particularly interesting as you were only in prison for 3 months about 10 years ago. Can you say something to that?
  2. Do you think you'll always see yourself as an ex-prisoner, or will the experience fade so far as to become background noise? Do you want it to?
  3. Not goady or sarcastic in any way, and I fully believe you that you're not minimising your crime but it really was victimless etc. My question is in general for people in prison, did you find mostly prisoners tended to minimise their crimes and see themselves as 'I'm really a good person who made a mistake'?

Hello.

I don't see myself as an ex-prisoner all of the time, but then il see something / something will remind me and il start beating myself up about it and I get this guilty feeling. I also worry irrationally- if I go over the speed limit I think omg I'm going to end up in so much trouble ect. If I make a mistake at work I think il be sacked. That type of thing. But the more time goes on the less I think about it.

Some would protest their innocence, others wouldn't care and would say stuff like 'yeah I stabbed them up and il do it again when I get out' ect. To be honest you always had the convo 'what you in for' when someone arrived but then they wouldn't mention it again, we never really discussed victims ect x

OP posts:
JessicaPeach · 01/08/2022 20:38

This is a really interesting thread op. A friend I used to work with went to prison a few years ago. The prison she was in (styal) sounds very similar to how you describe. When I found out she'd gone to prison I was all consumed with worry about her. I wrote to her in the end and we had a great correspondence while she was away. She was in with people who had done all sorts of things too.

Were you there for any sort of special occasion like Christmas?

Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 20:39

Chocoqueen · 01/08/2022 19:33

This is really interesting OP, well done on turning your life around.

My question is - who manages your affairs when you're in prison? So if you live alone how do you pay your mortgage/rent etc? What if you can't and need to sell/move? Can you appoint someone to deal with it all like a temporary power of attorney?

I'm not sure to be honest, I was already in the process of selling my house when I was sentenced and my mum would just forward me the letters, so I could sign them and send them back. I gave my best friend the password to my online banking so she managed my bills ect and my mum very kindly paid for anything I needed to pay for whilst I was in there.

A girl I was in with had her mortgage changed to interest only whilst she was inside.

You don't have to pay your council tax though haha x

OP posts:
CaptainBeakyandhisband · 01/08/2022 20:39

@NCforAMA no, he was already working when the incident happened, but from what I can work out he was in a bad place and spiralling, and the whole experience gave him renewed focus. I hope he continues this way. I’ve recommended him to a couple of other people and he’s had more work. But my reason for bringing it up is that as far as I’m concerned, it was a stupid thing to do, but he’s paid his price, and hopefully rehabilitated. I think I would feel the same way in my professional context too.

CallOnMe · 01/08/2022 20:39

I watched a programme years ago called 60 days in jail - it was people who didn’t actually commit a crime and could leave if they wanted to.

It was in America and quite scary but there was a lady who had children young and was a SAHM and all the women were really nice to her and she said how much she enjoyed her time and made genuine friends.

She initially hated prisoners and said her mind has completely changed and they were nicer people than anyone she’s ever met outside.

Your posts also make me think of the Catherine Tate show where she’s lots of different characters in a womens prison and most of the women in there are nice and it’s a bit like a boarding school like a PP said.

sandradailey · 01/08/2022 20:40

OP, this is such an odd question Blush but my main fear of going to prison is not being able to shave and wash.

Can you wash whenever you like or are you told when you can shower?

Also, can you shave? Are razors allowed or off limits?

Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 20:41

PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog · 01/08/2022 19:34

How would you reform the system based on your experience?

The systems rubbish, it does nothing to reform prisoners. They jail too many people for minor crimes and then there's less staff and less funds to reform the ones that need help.

There's too many people with mental health issues that get no support whilst they're in jail. I wouldn't even know where to start to reform the system. Probably tackling the mental health problems.

OP posts:
Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 20:42

Pipsquiggle · 01/08/2022 19:34

Thanks for sharing your experience with us.

It has always been my assumption that a lot of women are in prison due to the poor behaviour of &/or the manipulation by bad men. Is this true?

This is not to diminish the women of responsibility but had they never got involved with these men, would they be in prison at all?

Were there any truly evil women in there? I suspect the child abusers would be pretty close

Yeah that's pretty accurate!

There are evil people though, ones that have abused / murdered children, and they walk round like nothings happened!

OP posts: