I've served a prison sentence

[NCforAMA]

I've seen a few threads on here recently where the OPs have basically suggested prisoners are the scum of the earth and are all like the likes of Ian Huntley ect.

I've read the comments and seen a few prison officers defending the prisoners and most posters also defending them, but I thought maybe I would answer some questions so people can understand what it's really like to be inside a prison cell.

Ive name changed for obvious reasons.

Il list a few points that I think would be the first questions;

I'm female.

I'm 33 and I was in jail in 2012.

I received a 12 month custodial sentence. I served 13 weeks in jail, 13 weeks on a tag and the remaining 6 months were served on license at home.

I don't want to say exactly what I was in for as I don't want it to be outing. I will clarify though that it was not a violent offence, not a sexual one before I get abuse from posters. To summarise, I was with a boy who wasn't very well behaved and was basically guilty by association. I was young, stupid and naive. And I absolutely paid the price.

I wish I could change the perception of how people see prisoners.

Anyway, ask away.

[OrangeAndFizz]

OP, thank you for this lovely post.
I am glad you can learn from this and put it behind you.
Good luck for the future.

[CoffeeeLove]

Thanks for this really interesting thread!

How did you cope without Sertraline in those first three weeks?!

[NCforAMA]

@Etinoxaurus

Such a brilliant thread @NCforAMA , thank you. I work in the sector, here are some links for further reading and support.

report on women’s prisons
Prison visitor scheme
support for people with criminal convictions
Freedom Programme
Shark Cage

Also, the shark cage article made me cry a little bit 😢 x

[NCforAMA]

@Etinoxaurus

Such a brilliant thread @NCforAMA , thank you. I work in the sector, here are some links for further reading and support.

report on women’s prisons
Prison visitor scheme
support for people with criminal convictions
Freedom Programme
Shark Cage

Thank you!

I didn't realise so many employers were part of the ban the box campaign, I'm going to have a look over the weekend! I like my job, but it's not something I love doing!

Thank you x

[Etinoxaurus]

Such a brilliant thread @NCforAMA , thank you. I work in the sector, here are some links for further reading and support.

report on women’s prisons
Prison visitor scheme
support for people with criminal convictions
Freedom Programme
Shark Cage

[NCforAMA]

@pawkins

OP that is just terrifying. Being threatened when you tried to get away from him.

What can people do in these situations? Your friends must have been terrified too. He sounds dangerous.

He will probably end up back in prison before 2027 if he is so involved in crime. There’s every possibility he is in over his own head and is being threatened by people himself.

Can the police offer any advice on what to do?

I can’t imagine what to do at my age just thinking about it never mind what a young adult could do when in the situation…. It is all sorts of wrong.

He is a bit dangerous, I don't know if he would have ever actually done the things he threatened if I'd of ignored his threats or if it was just empty threats. He's done some horrible stuff in his life but I'm not sure where he would draw the line.

Absolutely, I would be very surprised if he's never sentenced again. It's just a way of life for some people.

So the police put it on his license conditions that he's not allowed to contact me, I didn't ask for that putting on they said they'd done it for my own safety but other than that I've not asked them for any advice or anything. He's contacted me a few times via text but I've never reported it - I can only imagine his reaction if the police went knocking on his door to say they'd had a report that he'd contacted me.

I think (hope) that enough time has passed now that he'll have moved on and won't care about me anymore. I honestly have no idea how he would react if I bumped into him. I wouldn't know weather to expect a 'hello' or if I'd get abused x

[NCforAMA]

Hey @SofiaSoFar

There are actually a few posts where I mentioned that they repeatedly shoplifted, were sentenced to four weeks, served two, went home for a short while and then were arrested again. So I haven't minimised it at all. I can go through the posts and tag you in them if you like? They had drug addictions and shit lives.

If you look on the sentencing guidelines, shoplifting holds a maximum of 6 months in custody. So you could actually be sentenced to 6 months in prison for shoplifting, regardless as to weather it's a first offence or not.

I'm not sure if you've got any other questions?

[SofiaSoFar]

@NCforAMA

Thanks 😂😂 there's always one isn't there 😂

And you're minimising it.

They weren't in for "shoplifting a few things from B&M". They were in for repeatedly stealing, over and over again having had endless non-custodial punishments beforehand.

[pawkins]

OP that is just terrifying. Being threatened when you tried to get away from him.

What can people do in these situations? Your friends must have been terrified too. He sounds dangerous.

He will probably end up back in prison before 2027 if he is so involved in crime. There’s every possibility he is in over his own head and is being threatened by people himself.

Can the police offer any advice on what to do?

I can’t imagine what to do at my age just thinking about it never mind what a young adult could do when in the situation…. It is all sorts of wrong.

[NCforAMA]

@TrashPandas

Most of us understood what you meant NCforAMA, don't worry.

Thanks 😂😂 there's always one isn't there 😂

[NCforAMA]

@pawkins

BTW OP my post isn't a criticism at all. I was trying to see if I had the order of events right or if I misinterpreted them.

I live in fear one of my children will get in with the wrong crowd or person and end up in trouble. It can happen to anyone and many don't get the opportunity to turn it around as you have done.

I know its easy to say but don't keep punishing yourself. You will end up living a sort of half life. You paid the price. Now for your own sake and that of your family, you have the right to live your life.

I know thats easier said than done. I have hurt people in the past and live with that every day. Not guilt but a huge sense of regret. Maybe counselling would help?

Hey @boomoohoo & @pawkins 🙂

Yeah he was abusive before arrest / prison too. Obviously he was lovely at the very beginning but he quickly turned horrible.

I wasn't allowed to see certain friends, I wasn't allowed to cut my hair, if I put fake tan on or make up he would go absolutely ballistic, he once stormed out of a restaurant because my top was too low cut (it wasn't). If I said I was at home he would ring the house phone to check I wasn't lying. He had a terrible temper and I was always at the brunt of it.

I could have left but the times I tried it was awful, I should have just rode out the awfulness but instead I'd go back for an easier life. He'd ring my house phone constantly, he'd message my friends abuse, he'd text things like 'you have 5 minutes to reply before your windows get smashed' and it was easier to just get back with him. It was the texts to my friends that would push me over the edge because it was unfair that he was impacting their lives too.

So he was already on license for a previous crime when I met him, so when we were arrested he got remanded and taken straight to jail, whereas I was released on bail. He became worse then, I think it's because he lost the ability to control so much of my life because he was locked up.

He's been released from prison now, he's on license till 2027 but not in prison any longer. Basically he just has to abide by license conditions (one of which is to not contact me), attend probation appointments and won't be allowed out of the country. After 2027 he won't have to abide by any rules unless he commits another crime between now and then.

I did know he was breaking the law yes. And the texts on my phone clarified that I knew. And I admitted it in interview!

You're on the right tracks for what the offence was. I know I said there was no direct victims but I completely appreciate that 99% of crimes have a victim somewhere along the lines. Like if you sell drugs and no one overdoses / dies, there are still victims... the children of the drug users, the NHS ect. But what I personally did had no victim, if that makes sense. I guess I could have reported him and put a stop to his offences, which would have prevented anyone been affected but id have probably ended up shot in the head or something. He's not a very nice individual, his ex gf has a conviction because of him, I think it's for assisting an offender, his brother has been arrested because of him, he doesn't really care who he hurts (although he'd tell you the opposite and tell you he'd do anything for you & his family ect). He did have a very shit childhood but I'm not saying that's an excuse for his behaviour at all. He's spent more of his adult life in prison than out of prison and he was first sent when he was 15. It's a waste of a life. I genuinely thought I could change him and help him leave a life of crime behind 😂 but I think crimes his priority in life. I half wish I would see him in the news for something that he'd been jailed for again just so I could not worry about him finding out where I live now or bumping into him. But I'm too nice and the other side of me hopes he's reformed and doing well.

The comment about living a half life made me think... I'm always looking over my shoulder, always feel like everything good could be taken away in a flash, I'm going to look into counselling, it would probably be good to talk. I once wrote all my feelings down and buried them in the ground in the hope they'd stay there but it didn't work 😂

I'm sure your children will make better choices. It's only the minority that end up in my situation and you sound like a lovely person, I'm sure you're a great parent. It's just scary how one person can have so much influence on others lives. I wish so much I'd never come across him! Thank you for your kindness, I hope I've managed to explain ❤️

[pawkins]

@boomoohoo

@pawkins I would argue that a partner wouldn't start being abusive at the point of the relationship breaking up. Rather, domestic abuse is a pattern of coercive controlling behaviour, getting worse over time, involving other types of abuse (emotional / psychological / sexual etc). whilst risks associated with abuse certainly escalate at the point of the relationship ending, it is not when abuse starts (in Relationships that aren't otherwise abusive)

Ah ok I don't know really. The OP said.....

I understood my life would be ruined if I stayed with him but I couldn't find a way out. He knew a lot of people in prison, and some had girlfriends in the same prison as me, so he literally knew my every move and would have people hassling me as to why I hadn't replied to him.

"he made my life hell for years"

Was he abusive before you got arrested too OP?

Thats awful. In hindsight, now, how would you have walked away (unhurt) from this man? Or would that have been pretty much impossible? That is very scary.

[boomoohoo]

@pawkins I would argue that a partner wouldn't start being abusive at the point of the relationship breaking up. Rather, domestic abuse is a pattern of coercive controlling behaviour, getting worse over time, involving other types of abuse (emotional / psychological / sexual etc). whilst risks associated with abuse certainly escalate at the point of the relationship ending, it is not when abuse starts (in Relationships that aren't otherwise abusive)

[NCforAMA]

@Houseofbloodymen

I reinstated my mumsnet account just to comment and say well done for your honesty and helping others who may fall down a similar trap due to relationships and the kind of peer pressure they bring.

Well done to the police for actively taking that choice away so you could move on. X

Thank you, that's lovely of you ❤️

[NCforAMA]

@withaspongeandarustyspanner

Isn't it Joint Enterprise? You can be sentenced just because you were there, I think. It's nothing to do with not taking responsibility. Also, I expect OP doesn't want to out herself by giving more information. No need to judge - that's happened and OP had served her time. Everyone deserves a second chance.

OP - so glad that you are moving on. I wish you all the best. I saw that you said that you would love to help other offenders when they came out of prison - I really think you should look into how you can do this. Your experiences will really make the difference to some women.

@withaspongeandarustyspanner @mama93345 I wasn't charged with joint enterprise but it's a similar concept.

I read something in the news a few days ago about 10 young boys who have been sentenced to 8+ years for murder for joint enterprise. Only one actually murdered the victim but the others shouted words of encouragement so were charged with joint enterprise. I don't disagree with it. In some cases it seems a bit ridiculous but in others it seems fair.

I half wish I could just post my pre sentence report so that people could see exactly what I did but obviously I don't want anyone to know who I am!

Thank you both for your kind comments. Xx

[pawkins]

BTW OP my post isn't a criticism at all. I was trying to see if I had the order of events right or if I misinterpreted them.

I live in fear one of my children will get in with the wrong crowd or person and end up in trouble. It can happen to anyone and many don't get the opportunity to turn it around as you have done.

I know its easy to say but don't keep punishing yourself. You will end up living a sort of half life. You paid the price. Now for your own sake and that of your family, you have the right to live your life.

I know thats easier said than done. I have hurt people in the past and live with that every day. Not guilt but a huge sense of regret. Maybe counselling would help?

[pawkins]

You have survived something extreme OP, a coercively controlling domestic abusive relationship, the fallout of it which was a prison sentence.

I thought the OP said that he was arrested at the same time and has been in prison since? He turned abusive when she tried to walk away and not visit him in prison and waited for him to get into a rage and break off the relationship so she could say that she was no longer going to reply to him as he had broken up with her - type of thing - unless I've misinterpreted it?

The OP hasn't clamed that she didn't know he was breaking the law. She said that she was aware of it and that is how she got convicted ie because the police gathered evidence from her electronic devices confirming she was aware of what he was doing? She said she wasn't directly involved with it herself but knew he was doing it. He'd been in prison before he met her and was known to the police. He pursued her and she fell for his charms.

I think she was unlucky she was put into prison tbh. Every day there is news of people out on the streets after being arrested up to a hundred times for drugs, GBH, and theft and failing to get a conviction.

I'm not clear what the ex was convicted of - drugs or theft/handling stolen goods. I presumed drugs but the OP said there were no direct victims so maybe something else entirely?

[NCforAMA]

@Letsgoforaskip

This is such an amazing thread OP. When you said that you sometimes feel you have wasted the opportunity of being something amazing, I strongly disagree. I think the way you have written and been so patient, empathetic, open and warm on this thread is amazing! You have changed people’s perceptions and helped us all to be less judgmental, which is phenomenal.
It saddens me that you still feel so guilty when, as has been highlighted here, we all make mistakes along the way, especially when we’re young. It sounds as though you have done brilliantly moving forward. I think you should hold you head up high. Thank you ❤️

Thank you so much! This is genuinely the most lovely comment and I really appreciate it. I wasn't expecting so much kindness from this thread. It's meant to much to me to see that so many people have been so lovely. Thank you ❤️❤️

[NCforAMA]

@OneToFive

End up scanning through most of this thread while on the train. Interesting questions, and fascinating and detailed and insightful replies from the OP. Much of it is not what I would have expected, but all I know is from watching Orange if the New Black a few years ago :)

I think OP has fantastic material for a book, but maybe this Q&A format works better?

I'm expect that there must be some type of internal economy within the prison where items in short supply are highly valued and traded? If was I going to be locked in my room, and assuming I'd be fed, for a extended period of time I'd value

• iPad / Kindle with lots of books
• Vibrator
• Batteries/charging cable (for the above)
• Chocolate
• Netflix
• Earphone

I guess these are rare and valuable in prison too?

Are sexual favours traded for other things?

Thank you! I started watching orange is the new black once but I think it slightly traumatised me so I never finished it haha!

Yeah there's definitely an internal economy, and there's a thing called 'double bubble', so if you borrow a cigarette from someone, then you owe two back. Then people end up in debt. Literally over a few cigarettes or something.

If was I going to be locked in my room, and assuming I'd be fed, for a extended period of time I'd value

So you can purchase chocolate on your canteen sheet, and you get a chocolate penguin every day haha, so you'd be ok with the chocolate. The others you wouldn't be able to have, or at least not legally. There's plenty of phones knocking about, I didn't see any iPads and no vibrators 😂

I'm not sure sexual favours were traded, but if you wanted to participate in any sexual activity there would definitely be someone (if not many) willing to help haha. Unless you didn't wash or something then you might not have so many offers haha x

[TrashPandas]

Most of us understood what you meant NCforAMA, don't worry.

[NCforAMA]

@SofiaSoFar

Some people have literally stolen a few things from B&M bargains

Thats just not true, is it.

No one - not a single person - is in prison for having stolen a few things from B&M.

It actually is.

They go out, shoplift, numerous times, and are sentenced to 4 weeks in custody because nothing else stops them and they continue to steal. I didn't say they've stolen one thing once, they steal things daily, so that they can sell it and fund their drug addiction.

There were two girls who used to come, serve half of their two weeks, go home, and be back again a week later. For shoplifting in B&M bargains.

[boomoohoo]

Thank you for responding to my comment (way back!) And for all your thoughtful responses, it has been so heartwarming and informative reading this thread. You seem like a genuinely warm, lovely person.

I just wanted to say in response to your anxiety around bumping into your ex - I'm not surprised in the least, it sounds like he is a v dangerous man. You have survived something extreme OP, a coercively controlling domestic abusive relationship, the fallout of it which was a prison sentence. As someone upthread said, the CJS has a long way to go in understanding the impact of coercive control. I hope you don't mind me saying, but I see you in this as a victim, not a criminal, and am saddened you, and so many other women by the sounds of it, end up in prison as a result of being abused.

You speak of yourself as stupid many times. I'm not going to tell you that that's wrong as your feelings are valid. But I want you to know that I dont think you're stupid in the least, you were just trying to survive in a situation where you were young and vulnerable. As so many have said, could have happened to any of us (me certainly - I look back at early 20s me - dear god some of the decisions I made, some I could have been banged up for and thankfully wasn't caught)

[SofiaSoFar]

Some people have literally stolen a few things from B&M bargains

Thats just not true, is it.

No one - not a single person - is in prison for having stolen a few things from B&M.

[mama93345]

Yes it's something I drummed into my kids too. I know what you mean about being scary, but in a way I always felt the joint enterprise thing was a way of helping protect them too... really spelling out the important of making good decisions about friendships, and walking away from people/ situations so they wouldn't be involved in poor choices

[withaspongeandarustyspanner]

@mama93345 - yes, I see what you mean. That is what I meant. Not if you were just passing or nearby and a crime happens, but an associate of someone who commits a crime and there when it happens. What do I know, though - I am no expert! I do try to make my children aware of things like this because it seems unfair and scary.