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AMA
Original poster

I've served a prison sentence

598 replies

NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 17:51

I've seen a few threads on here recently where the OPs have basically suggested prisoners are the scum of the earth and are all like the likes of Ian Huntley ect.

I've read the comments and seen a few prison officers defending the prisoners and most posters also defending them, but I thought maybe I would answer some questions so people can understand what it's really like to be inside a prison cell.

Ive name changed for obvious reasons.

Il list a few points that I think would be the first questions;

I'm female.

I'm 33 and I was in jail in 2012.

I received a 12 month custodial sentence. I served 13 weeks in jail, 13 weeks on a tag and the remaining 6 months were served on license at home.

I don't want to say exactly what I was in for as I don't want it to be outing. I will clarify though that it was not a violent offence, not a sexual one before I get abuse from posters. To summarise, I was with a boy who wasn't very well behaved and was basically guilty by association. I was young, stupid and naive. And I absolutely paid the price.

I wish I could change the perception of how people see prisoners.

Anyway, ask away.

OP posts:
Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 21:46

TiffanyIceberg · 01/08/2022 20:29

Very silly question, did anyone ever try and escape?

Not whilst I was there haha. They do a roll count on a morning and might and they once locked the jail down because someone was missing. They'd forgot that they'd took her to hospital x

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Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 21:47

Notclosenow · 01/08/2022 20:32

I had a visit to a prison and a talk from a prison governor as part of my job.
He told us 97% of the people in here are not bad. They just just made bad choices and got caught. A large proportion of them were never equipped in how to make good choices. The other 3% are really really bad.
There was frustration from him at the limitations the system and resources put on him and his staff
Good luck

That's exactly what I say! Most have just made a stupid idiotic decision. Then some are just pure evil!

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Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 21:49

SeriousAlligator · 01/08/2022 20:34

Thanks for this thread OP.

I dated a women who had done about 10 years for manslaughter.

She said she's never had more sex than while in prison.

My ex was also an ex prisoner. She said the same, but that she kept being caught and adding time to her sentence. Is this true(my ex wasn't the most honest of people!) That this would happen?

I know you've answered about sex, but where did it occur when it did?

I've done a few things that had I have been caught, I could have risked prison. I suspect a fair few of us have. Well done on turning things around.

I'm not aware you get added time for having sex haha. You do get added time for some things, like been caught with a mobile phone / drugs and you'd get 14-28 days added. And I think the maximum you can get added in total is 400 because there was a girl who had had the maximum number of added days so used to be really bad all the time because she was like 'well they can't give me any more added days'.

Just in the cells / rooms. But there's so so much of it haha and I've never known people move on from one relationship to another so fast!

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Minimalme · 01/08/2022 21:52

I'm glad your family stood by you op.

If you have children, I think you should tell them. You should be proud of yourself. You fucked up, you survived, you went on to live a good life.

I have told my eldest dc about my appalling childhood and subsequent drink and drug addiction. I was really scared he would think less of me but he doesn't. He is proud I survived and that I went on to have him and his brothers who I love more than life itself. He knows I'm not lying when I say that the day I had him was the day my life began.

Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 21:52

JessicaPeach · 01/08/2022 20:38

This is a really interesting thread op. A friend I used to work with went to prison a few years ago. The prison she was in (styal) sounds very similar to how you describe. When I found out she'd gone to prison I was all consumed with worry about her. I wrote to her in the end and we had a great correspondence while she was away. She was in with people who had done all sorts of things too.

Were you there for any sort of special occasion like Christmas?

That's lovely of you! You sound so lovely. You don't understand how much letters mean to people in prison. The officer would come round with the post and read out the names and people would literally cheer when they're name for read out. And then when they were all handed out the ones who didn't get any would be gutted!

I wasn't there for Christmas, the gym staff sometimes arranged events such as 5 a side football and rounders and would organise teams of prisoners against teams of prison staff.

They have family days too for people with children which would either be held in the gym or the chapel.

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Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 21:54

CaptainBeakyandhisband · 01/08/2022 20:39

@NCforAMA no, he was already working when the incident happened, but from what I can work out he was in a bad place and spiralling, and the whole experience gave him renewed focus. I hope he continues this way. I’ve recommended him to a couple of other people and he’s had more work. But my reason for bringing it up is that as far as I’m concerned, it was a stupid thing to do, but he’s paid his price, and hopefully rehabilitated. I think I would feel the same way in my professional context too.

That's lovely of you! You sound like a genuinely lovely person x

OP posts:
Augend23 · 01/08/2022 21:54

RagzRebooted · 01/08/2022 21:43

Sorry, I meant women's prisons. There is a men's one not that far away, but a lot of my job is women's health and I would want to use those skills.

Show quote history

Ah that makes sense, yes not many of those!

Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 21:55

CallOnMe · 01/08/2022 20:39

I watched a programme years ago called 60 days in jail - it was people who didn’t actually commit a crime and could leave if they wanted to.

It was in America and quite scary but there was a lady who had children young and was a SAHM and all the women were really nice to her and she said how much she enjoyed her time and made genuine friends.

She initially hated prisoners and said her mind has completely changed and they were nicer people than anyone she’s ever met outside.

Your posts also make me think of the Catherine Tate show where she’s lots of different characters in a womens prison and most of the women in there are nice and it’s a bit like a boarding school like a PP said.

Yeah it's literally like a rubbish boarding school haha!

My dad watches that although my mum bans him from watching it when I'm there incase it brings back bad memories x

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BirmaBrite · 01/08/2022 21:56

I know a couple of people who served prison sentences, neither were 'bad' people , but one got themselves into a situation that meant they felt they had little choice but to commit a crime ( threats of serious violence to their family ) and the other did a bonkers criminal thing because of an addiction, not to drugs or alcohol. Both turned their lives around after release.

I visited one of them whilst they were in prison, it was a very weird experience as a newbie to the system, but made better by the staff who were lovely. Did your family and friends visit you when you were inside ?

Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 21:56

oakleaffy · 01/08/2022 20:47

@NCforAMA I read a book by Rosie Boycott called “Inside Out”
She had been involved with getting heroin at an Oxford end of Term party for a politician’s daughter ..
The daughter tragically died.
It was a fascinating book, but it made me cry and have nightmares.
As a teenager, 17, a boyfriend did a silly thing and I was arrested because of being with him.
I was told that I’d likely go on remand to Holloway, because of the hash in my pocket which terrified me.
The strip searching was very hard to deal with-
but the policewoman at Vine St gave me a Tatler to read- So boring in those 19th C cells otherwise.
Thankfully got a conditional discharge and vowed to stay away from dodgy men!
Very glad to hear you have turned your life around.
Best Wishes.

I've screenshotted your comment so I can order the book! I love a good book!

Oh thank god you got that police women and not someone else, Holloway was meant to be awful! Glad you only got a telling off x

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Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 21:59

sandradailey · 01/08/2022 20:40

OP, this is such an odd question Blush but my main fear of going to prison is not being able to shave and wash.

Can you wash whenever you like or are you told when you can shower?

Also, can you shave? Are razors allowed or off limits?

f anyone asks me for advice I would give to someone going to jail I say get your body parts that you normally shave waxed! Razors have to be bought on canteen so until you've received your first canteen which takes about 2 weeks you can't shave unless someone gives you a razor. I had hairy armpits and hated every second of them.

You can shower, I think the rules are that they have to let you shower every 72 hours but we could shower daily and on the houses you could shower when you wanted and even have a bath x

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orangeyfruit · 01/08/2022 21:59

Hi OP well done for getting through everything you've been through.
How do you feel about the rules around transwomen being allowed into female prisons? Do you think this is ok?

Good luck with your future as well btw.

Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 22:00

Tigertigertigertiger · 01/08/2022 20:45

Was your bed comfy?

No, the matteress is paper thin, so is the pillow and then I had top bunk once I was sharing and used to bang my head all the time x

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Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 22:01

ilovemydogandmrobama2 · 01/08/2022 20:46

Represented someone who was in prison.

It was so lovely how some (not sure if was the prison guards) tried to make it normal for the children who were visiting, such as drawings up on the wall, and got a bit choked up when there were a stack of free nappies on the desk.

Also was quite fascinated by how much alcohol is manufactured in prison.

Yeah they do make it as 'normal' as possible for the children. They do family days too where they will have BBQs, buffets, play games ect.

Yeah I wouldn't recommend it though it's not very nice haha x

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Society · 01/08/2022 22:02

I suspect the posters questioning the OP potentially having previous convictions or accusing her of 'minimising' have very little experience of the criminal justice system, and the causes and statistics of female offenders ending up in prison.

Blue79 · 01/08/2022 22:03

Did you see any other prisoners (or yourself!) get up to any hanky panky with an officer?

Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 22:03

runforyourdog · 01/08/2022 20:47

Did you have any romantic relationships with the inmates or officers? Is it common for people to be in a relationship with an officer?

No I didn't have any romantic relationships. I don't think it's common but it does happen. You didn't really have that much to do with the officers, they would only engage with you when handing you some post ect, they wouldn't just chat to you. The gym staff and garden staff were more engaging and would talk to you, advise you, listen to you ect.

I got a lot of offers for relationships with prisoners but not because I'm stunning or anything just because there's not much to do and I was new! X

OP posts:
Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 22:06

boomoohoo · 01/08/2022 20:48

Thank you op, what a brilliant thread. You've been so balanced and open. To the posters who are trying to get out of you where you were, and justify it by saying 'it's Ama isn't it' I would say - it's ask me anything, not - I will answer anything 🧐

A stranger (a man) who sexually assaulted me is in prison, for 5 years. I'm glad he's there as he doesn't get to abuse anyone else, but what id really like, in prison or not, is him to take responsibility for what he did. He never has, denied it all and put me through a trial. Despite this, i think of him from time to time and hope he's doing ok. I wouldn't want him to be miserable or abused himself, as a sex criminal might be hey, albeit I'm not a child.

Thank you again op 🙏

Hey!

Thank you!

I'm sorry to hear what happened to you. Most mens prisons have sex offender wings, so he would be housed with sec offenders and therefore less likely to be beaten up ect. You must be a very very good person if you wonder how he is doing and hope he's not come to any harm. That speaks volumes about your lovely self.

It's a shame he can't accept responsibility. When people receive life sentences they won't let them out on parole until they do accept responsibility. Hopefully one day he'll accept what he's done. Take care xx

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GOATtheAcronym · 01/08/2022 22:06

Thanks for the thread, it's very enlightening. And good on you for turning your life around.

Can I pick up on something you wrote?
One of my friends but that's it. Everyone else stood by me. She's since been back in touch to apologise but I just ignored her

A bit off topic, but surely you of all people should give others a second chance?

And a bit of a personal question, did it indeed happen a lot that' spaghetti was only straight until it got wet'? With you?

Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 22:07

BuddhaAtSea · 01/08/2022 20:52

@NCforAMA you come across as a lovely human being. Thank you for your frankness. I wish you all the best and I hope your fears and trauma will subside in time xx

Thank you xx

OP posts:
Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 22:09

Blank165 · 01/08/2022 20:53

Enlightening thread. Thank you for sharing.

Id your conviction now considered spent, which by law means you are rehabilitated and no longer have to disclose? If so, does that open up other opportunities for you?

Yeah it's now considered spent! It's not really made a difference tbh, other than a relief that it's finally finished. Its declared at work already so that makes no difference although if I applied for another job I could tick no to 'do you have an unspent criminal record'.

It also means I can tick no when renewing my car and house insurance.

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Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 22:09

CraftyGin · 01/08/2022 20:54

Have you watched 'Banged up Abroad' or equivalent to see how standards vary across different countries?

Yeah I've seen that and it looks far worse abroad!

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RockStarMartini · 01/08/2022 22:10

Absolutely fascinating, thanks for sharing your experience and good luck for the future x

Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 22:11

Justkidding55 · 01/08/2022 20:56

Is prison a deterrent or is it too lax?

It's a deterrent for some like me who literally would do anything to not go back, but if you're not bothered about the disruption it causes to your life then it's no deterrent. If I was homeless I'd commit a crime to go there! You get fed, a bed, the gym, a tv, a library, friends, you can wash and dry your clothes.

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Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 22:12

XjustagirlX · 01/08/2022 20:58

What happens with meals if you have allergies or are gluten intolerant or are a vegetarian?

You get a menu each week so if you're vegetarian you can select the veggie options. If you're GF you get a special menu but they always forget and the GF people end up starving

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