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AMA
Original poster

I've served a prison sentence

598 replies

NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 17:51

I've seen a few threads on here recently where the OPs have basically suggested prisoners are the scum of the earth and are all like the likes of Ian Huntley ect.

I've read the comments and seen a few prison officers defending the prisoners and most posters also defending them, but I thought maybe I would answer some questions so people can understand what it's really like to be inside a prison cell.

Ive name changed for obvious reasons.

Il list a few points that I think would be the first questions;

I'm female.

I'm 33 and I was in jail in 2012.

I received a 12 month custodial sentence. I served 13 weeks in jail, 13 weeks on a tag and the remaining 6 months were served on license at home.

I don't want to say exactly what I was in for as I don't want it to be outing. I will clarify though that it was not a violent offence, not a sexual one before I get abuse from posters. To summarise, I was with a boy who wasn't very well behaved and was basically guilty by association. I was young, stupid and naive. And I absolutely paid the price.

I wish I could change the perception of how people see prisoners.

Anyway, ask away.

OP posts:
missymarrk · 01/08/2022 20:59

This thread made me really anxious because it's one of my biggest fears - probably watched too many prison things. Absolutely terrifies me. I clobbered an abusive ex once. Police arrived to him bleeding everywhere. Self defence though as he was on top of me and they told me to get out and never look back.

You're so brave and you sound like an exceptionally well rounded woman. Lots and lots of love xxx

Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 20:59

diian · 01/08/2022 19:53

OP well done for turning your life around and the insight into life inside. As a child I grew up on a prison estate as my dad was an officer in a Young Offenders Institution. Education seemed to be key. Many of young men were illiterate and the education department taught basic literacy skills and the youths could learn a trade- carpentry, electrics, decorating, catering or farming (yes, the prison had a farm and across country course!) I reckon things have changed as this was 40 years ago.

I read a fab book recently called 'A Bit of a Stretch' by Chris Atkins. It is like the prison version of 'This is Going to Hurt'!

www.amazon.co.uk/Bit-Stretch-Diaries-Prisoner/dp/1838950176

I've read that! It's a brilliant book.

That sounds so interesting, I wish I'd been a prison officer rather than a prisoner! I believe it about the farm ect, my ex bf used to work on the farms in the jail he was in.

OP posts:
Hellospring22 · 01/08/2022 21:00

Thank you for your thread, it’s so interesting. You should be so proud of where you are now. I always think there are very few bad people in the world just bad decisions. I’m really happy you’ve turned things around and handled it so positively. Mine is a random one but did you get your five portions of fruit and veg or was it really hard to eat healthily?

Astrabees · 01/08/2022 21:01

Your experience sounds very like mine OP I did a year mainly at Drake Hall of a three year sentence . It is now 18 years since I was released and I ‘ve had a rewarding second career after re training . I always declare the conviction. I had some interesting experiences. The African and Jamaican drug mules were very kind to me. One of them prayed for my appeal and I shared a room with one who was doing 8 years. I did lots of art and yoga. It wasn’t awful but not something you would want to happen.

Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 21:02

dropthevipers · 01/08/2022 19:54

Sorry if this has already been asked, but what opportunities for education/retraining were there? What percentage of inmates were scary nutters who definitely needed banging up?

Very minimal, literally only levels 1&2 in maths and English. Mens prisons seem to have more training opportunities, plastering, plumbing ect.

Oh yes absolutely some nutters, there was a women that used to wake up at 2am every morning singing 'someone's knocking at the door, someone's ringing the bell' at the top of her voice. For hours. Painful.

OP posts:
Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 21:02

FlissyPaps · 01/08/2022 19:55

Thought of another question!

Were there any high profile prisoners in your prison?

(E.g Rose West, Maxine Carr, Joanna Denehy). If so, obviously please don’t say who if it will give away which prison you were in. But just interested to know if there were any famous faces and if there was any interesting info.

No none! No claim to fame haha x

OP posts:
beastlyslumber · 01/08/2022 21:02

What a fantastic thread, OP. Thanks so much for sharing all of this. It's fascinating and inspiring to read about your experience and how you've turned your life around. It sounds like it was a really traumatic time in your life, being on bail and then being sentenced, and you could have fallen apart, but instead you pulled yourself together. Your mum and family must be so proud of you.

Maybe an odd question, but what was the best part of being in prison?

Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 21:04

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 01/08/2022 19:55

Do you think prison worked? If so what worked about it for you and the people you’ve stayed in touch with?
Thanks for your honesty OP I have definitely done some stuff that would have ended me up in trouble with the law as a youngster and I stupidly thought ‘normal people don’t go to jail so I’ll be okay’ so threads like this are an eye opener. Being lucky/unlucky plays a huge part in how life turns out.

No I don't think it works at all! The ones I have kept in touch with are 'normal' people who made one idiotic decision, and would do anything to avoid going back to prison.

The ones who are more 'career criminals' don't get any help to reform, you don't get any sessions on the affects of crime, help upon release ect. It's sad really for the ones who do need help x

OP posts:
AC2022 · 01/08/2022 21:05

Hi!

Great thread. I’ve worked with homeless ex-offenders and prison families and I know that it’s an uphill struggle after release for many people, including those who just want a normal crime free life.

I just wanted to know what did you do on the day you were released? Did you celebrate or do anything that you’d missed? What did you miss that you didn’t expect too?

Also, what could be done to improve the transition, and how long should that support be provided for?

Thanks xx

Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 21:06

diddl · 01/08/2022 19:57

I understood my life would be ruined if I stayed with him but I couldn't find a way out. He knew a lot of people in prison, and some had girlfriends in the same prison as me, so he literally knew my every move and would have people hassling me as to why I hadn't replied to him.

Thankfully it was on his license conditions that he's not allowed to contact me until 2027, or he'd get a full license recall so I could use this as a way out. The police said they'd put the license conditions on there for my safety.

It seems as if there isn't much help for women who have been coerced.

Is there much understanding of it do you think or are they generally thought to be as responsible?

Why would he be allowed to contact you ever?

No they're thought as of been responsible. Which I guess they / we are, I was an adult, I should have known better. I just didn't realise the possible consequences at the time.

His license finishes in 2027 so then he will no longer have to abide by any conditions.

OP posts:
Bagpuss2022 · 01/08/2022 21:06

really interesting thread OP and I have huge respect for you,
it could so easily of been me I was arrested 20 odd years ago it was awful I was not guilty it was self defence two against one (wife and husband)but I got the better of the woman your right the wait for the trial was awful we lived abroad so it was even more complicated but luckily I got found not guilty.
my question is did you have a relationship whilst there you said a lot of people are “gay for the stay” do you think people do that for company/companionship?

NotEnoughTime · 01/08/2022 21:07

You've done so well-you should be very proud of yourself. Onwards and upwards Smile

In case anyone is interested (and/or likes nice food) this is a great project

theclinkcharity.org/restaurants

for prisoners who are about to be released.

Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 21:07

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 01/08/2022 20:00

I worked in a prison in the medical unit for 7 years and treated everyone with decency. I am not the judge and jury. They've already had that. I was there to do a job of work not concerned. Myself with people's crimes. Most og them have a history of abuse, drugs and deprivation. It's mostly very sad.

You sound lovely, you're the type of staff prisons need. How come you left? X

OP posts:
Thinkbiglittleone · 01/08/2022 21:08

There were a few you wouldn't mess with. One of them fancied me so if anyone so much as looked at me funny she'd ask them what they were looking at 🤣

Do you have to become someone's "bitch* in this type of situation.

Are some forced to be a "girlfriend"

Your prison sounds very civilised

Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 21:08

TheLoftHatch · 01/08/2022 20:00

OP, the difference between you and the handful of people on this thread who are judging you, is that you got caught. Given the right circumstances/environment, any one of us is capable of making a huge mistake. Anyone who thinks they're above that, is deluded. You mentioned the lady who was in for killing a man who raped her child. I am pretty sure most mothers here would absolutely have those same feelings and some might actually do it, if they found themselves in that horrific situation. I think that proves the point!

So well done to you for starting this thread, knowing you might get flamed. You did a thing, you got caught, you did your time and now you've started a new life.

Also, I would add that you could absolutely work with/help others who are going through the same thing (if that's what you want to do). I know someone who did time for a serious but non violent offence. He now works for a rehab project, working in prisons with offenders. Lots of projects look for people 'who've been there, done that' as a way of encouraging prisoners that when they get out, they can start over.

I wish you well.

Thank you for your kind comment.

I would absolutely love to do that, I'm going to start looking into it. I feel like enough time has passed for them to know I'm not a risk of reoffending ect x

OP posts:
Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 21:09

FlamingMadKatie · 01/08/2022 20:01

I’d just like to thank you for sharing this, it’s extremely enlightening and hopefully will stop many of us, who have let’s face it, led more sheltered lives, from judging people in different circumstances.
Good to know you and others in that terrifying situation have been able to move on. Peace and love X

Thank you!! X

OP posts:
Thinkbiglittleone · 01/08/2022 21:11

Oh sorry and well done for turning your life around.

Out of interest you say you received a visit before leaving prison to try to obtain more info on your Ex, did you help them at this point to potentially help keep him off the street

GettingItOutThere · 01/08/2022 21:12

this thread is amazing.

what happened to "him"? you cant contact him but did he get a long time?

is he a danger to you?

genuinly - well done for turning your life around. You should be really proud of yourself.

thank you for starting the thread, and i wish you the best for the rest of your life

DrEmilleShofhousen · 01/08/2022 21:13

Thank you for opening up and being so honest x I just always wonder…how the day goes in prison? Is it very structured or do you just mooch about and then go to bed? Sorry to be ignorant about this!

Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 21:14

piefacedClique · 01/08/2022 20:05

I find these threads really eye opening. Thanks OP. Ok…. a few thoughts….

What was the first thing you did when you got out?
Who picks you up?
How does it feel when you’ve done all the reunions (although I suppose you have visitors) when you get in to your own space and you are completely on your own and in silence? I’m guessing there is never silence in prison?
Did you keep any of your prison belongings or did you leave them? As a way of closing the door on the experience?
How often are you allowed visitors? How is Christmas in Prison?

sorry….. I sound like my daughter when she questions me! 🫣

My parents picked me up. You have to go straight to your probation appointment and then I went home and had lunch with all my family. Then I had to wait in for the people to come and fit my tag.

I had a banging headache all day, I think my mind was working overtime that day. Then I saw all my friends in the following days, had my hair done and went shopping for some clothes.

I left 90% of my belongings that I had in prison there. I gave them to some of the girls that were serving long sentences that would need new clothes / pjs. I gave my cell mate first pick, she took my dressing gown and my slippers and alllll of my snacks. I gave some clothes to the women who had murdered her child's abuser and then I let the rest of the girls on my house take what they wanted.

I just brought home a couple of items, all my letters I'd been sent and my hairbrush.

Some prisoners literally had nothing, people were asking me for my old socks.

You get 3 visits a month. I used to have one from my mum and family and two from my friends.

I wasn't there for Christmas!

OP posts:
PlanetNormal · 01/08/2022 21:15

FloydPepper · 01/08/2022 18:58

This

i do wish you the best and am pleased you’re doing well

but there does seem to be a lot of blame elsewhere (your partner, a duty solicitor). Do you feel you deserved prison or do you feel hard done to?

Show quote history

I have to agree. To the best of my knowledge it’s highly unusual for females of previously good character who become partners of offenders to actually get sent to jail unless they have done something quite serious.

I wish OP well, and I absolutely respect her for turning her life around, but I strongly suspect she either had a previous criminal record or is seriously minimising what she actually did in this thread.

Original poster
NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 21:15

Thorilicious · 01/08/2022 20:07

Hi Op, this is really interesting, thank you.
Could I please ask if you think prison is an effective deterrent, or is there another way that people found guilty of crimes could be dealt with?

I think it's a deterrent to some, but only the ones that would probably be deterred by any form of punishment.

It's not bad enough that people don't want to go back. People literally say 'I've got another sentence in me' and start planning the crimes they'll commit when they're released.

OP posts:
Staffy1 · 01/08/2022 21:16

NCforAMA · 01/08/2022 19:10

I wish I could show you exactly what I did to see if you still thought the same but obviously I can't without giving away my identity.

Show quote history

Would it really give away your identity? Has no one else ever done the same? Also, you have name changed so would it matter if this name is used as a one off for this post?

Gagagardener · 01/08/2022 21:16

@NCforAMA Thank you for being brave and honest enough to do this. It's not easy to tell people about things you wish you hadn't done and their consequences. I am impressed, too, by your voluntary work to help people in difficult circumstances.

I belong to a small elderly rural CofE congregation that includes people who have been prison visitors and chaplains. I wondered if, in your experience, people in prison benefit from such people's efforts - or do they regard them as 'do-goodery'?

All best wishes.

themepark · 01/08/2022 21:18

Op you genuinely sound lovely.

Thank you for taking the time to share your experience. I am already open minded and believe in rehabilitation and drawing a line once time has been served, but this thread definitely deepens my feelings.

I'm sorry that you're hard on yourself about your past and I hope you are able to find a way of allowing yourself to move on from it in that way. Therapy perhaps? I once made a mistake and someone drew a circle and asked be to put a dot on it. I put the dot on and they said. That dot is your mistake. It helped to gain perspective that the entire rest of the space in the circle was my life and the dot was teeny tiny. I haven't explained it as well as they did but I hope you get the idea.

You really should be so proud of yourself for getting back on track, holding down a job and getting on with your life. I bet your mum is very proud of you. It probably could have easily gone the other way, but you sounds very strong with a good head on your shoulders.

No question, if just like to wish you all the best for your future.