I loathe children, and being a mum AMA

[Daughterofanarc11]

This isn't your usual post natal depression manifesting as intense negative feelings . I have been a mother now for two decades and not one day goes by where i don't regret that fact.
I know am very much diff in my thinking to most women and anticipate some difficult opinions ( but hopefully just an open and honest dialogue).

No judgement from me but whatever about the first two why on earth did you have the third- its a serious gap too so you must have known your feelings at that stage. it just prolongs the agony for you as you have another decade ahead of you
What does your husband say ?

Do you feel happy in general? And how do you manage that?

Is your husband the father of the children?
If he isn’t what was the relationship like with the father of the children?

What made you want three?

Why on earth did you have more than one then?

To the people asking why i had kids - well this is the one that causes me so much regret. You see i grew up in an ultra conservative strict and religious household where the predetermined path was to essentially be a baby making machine.
Add to that i am the daughter of two very narc parents and i didnt know who i even was never mind that i had my own needs and wishes. I went along with what was expected of me.

However I knew something wasn’t right when i suffered debilitating panic attacks in my first pregnancy.

Its been a few years in therapy where i have grown and healed but it kills me that i didn't know what i know now. That i had a choice.

Are your children difficult? What makes you regret having them?

@tomwombsgans

What made you want three?

I knew i didn't want an only child so i had two very close together. My youngest was not planned.

Do you think they know you feel like this?

What was/is your relationship like with your mother?

Are you pro life then?

What is it that makes you hate it?

What is it about children that you don't like?

Do you think you will have grandchildren in the future and what role do you anticipate playing for them?

Do you like your older two now that they are adults?

How do you feel about the prospect of being a grandparent?

@A580Hojas

Hope you stopped at one! Hope your child is settled in their adult life and is able to cope with the legacy of their unhappy childhood.

They have had far from an unhappy childhood. I grew up with narc parents and know personally the pain caused by rejection so i was absolutely determined that my children would never feel what i felt as a child.

If anything i overcompensate and go out of my way to support and love them.

Its has been to the detriment to my own mental health but i would always make their happiness a priority and not mine

If anything i overcompensate and go out of my way to support and love them

That probably has contributed to your dislike of motherhood. I understand...I'm an absolute martyr as a mum. It doesn't make me happy!

Thank you Lady Tottington

“How can you assume the child/children are unhappy?

I feel exactly the same as OP. Adore my now adult child, gave her a wonderful childhood full of love, laughter, fun and support.

However I LOATHED the job of parenting - parent teacher meetings, school uniforms, homework, packed lunches, after school activities…. Day after day after day. Relentless, mind numbing and so boring.

Quite a common sentiment if I’m not mistaken”

EXACTLY this !!

Same OP

I think a lot of people feel this way but just don’t admit it, I feel the same.

What religion are you?

You feel how you feel.
As long as your kids never know I can't see why you should be judged harshly.
I say as long as your kids know because I knew and I have never been able to deal with it. It stays with you.

I don't know how you feel. I love kids and being a mum has been the best part of my life. That doesn't mean I think you are a terrible person. Its a tragedy that women feel forced into feeling that unless they have kids and love doing it, they are freaks.

@A580Hojas

Hope you stopped at one! Hope your child is settled in their adult life and is able to cope with the legacy of their unhappy childhood.

I'm a fucking fantastic mother and work hard every day to make sure I do the best job I possibly can.

I still fucking hate it though, no matter how much I love my child.

OP you are most definitely not alone

Are you pro life then? it’s possible to not personally want to terminate a pregnancy but still be pro choice for others.

I am very much pro choice, but personally I couldn’t have a termination. but I don’t judge people who do.

TBH I think the OP’s feelings are a lot more common than people like to admit, even in people who thought they wanted children.

My eXH used to work with someone who spent 10 years undergoing multiple fertility treatments in order for him and his DW to have children. When the baby was born she realised that actually she hated children and didn’t want to be a parent. She went back to work when the baby was 3 months old and hired a full-time nanny to essentially bring her up.

Honest question..If this is the case why did you choose to have more?

I think you need more therapy