I’m the aromantic asexual who’s thread was taken down and I don’t even know why AMA!

[IWillFindYou]

So I posted it, checked day later no questions, next thing it’s gone.
I have no idea what happened or was said.

So, let’s do this again.

@Divebar2021

The most uninteresting thread ever...yawn.

Jesus. Jog on.

OP - I’m wondering whether you’ve discussed this with your parents / family? I think my mum would find it very difficult even if she knew I was perfectly happy. How have they taken the news and has anyone tried to persuade you otherwise? Are there support organisation?…(. If it’s Is something you even need support for)

No, I’m not ”out” to my parents. They can’t even wrap their brains around gay people, so this is not something I can talk about with them.

We don’t, luckily for me, really talk about these things, so only had to dodge any questions like twice.

Whenever I need to coonect with like-minded people, I’ll just go to few site I know that are for asexuals and aromantic people.
I think it helps to navigate these things. And it’s really good to talk (or just read) to someone who understand.

@GemmaRuby

Really don’t understand the aggression. For comparison, there is another AMA thread entitled “I don’t like mince”. No-one has written that they couldn’t care less that OP doesn’t like mince… but some how everyone who “really doesn’t care” has found the time to let this OP know just how much they don’t care! Sad bastards.

Twice in some cases

Also (on a roll) how do you know you won’t have romantic feelings towards someone? I can’t remember how to love someone, I don’t think this is because I cannot love, it’s just that I haven’t truly experienced it.

Sex yes that’s clear, you either fancy people and get the urge or you don’t.

Just interesting sorry ha

@Divebar2021

Oops, totally skipped a part!
Are you also on the ace spectrum?

Question - can a person who has lost their interest or drive in sex be considered asexual? For example having mh issues means you generally dont care for it anymore, or a woman after given birth and bfing. If so how long of a time span until they are considered asexual, months, years, weeks?

@beastlyslumber

Have you investigated medically? It's very unusual not to have any sex drive, it usually kicks in sometime after puberty. There are some medical conditions and some medications that would dampen the sex drive. Do you think it would be a good idea to get it checked out?

No need to. I have a sex drive. Never had any problems with that. It’s too high actually.

Asexuality is about lack of sexual atrraction, it’s not about libido.

Do asexual people enjoy alone time, or is it a no to any sexual experience?

How do you define romantic attraction? I understand asexuality but I feel like "aromantic" is more difficult. Do you not feel like you want to dance in the moonlight with a rose in your teeth or whatever? Because none of us do - that's all made up for the movies. Actual relationships are just, like, extra-strong friends who you usually want to fuck. Sometimes it starts with a mild obsession like you can't get enough of that person or stop thinking of them, but that wears off almost immediately and for lots of us it's never actually a thing at least once we become adults- it's a very pubescent/teenage sort of thing.

If you are asexual, isn't a life partner just an extra strong friendship without any fucking, full stop?

@TheYearOfSmallThings

I actually think it is an interesting thread, because I have never met a person who was asexual (as far as I know).

Which makes me wonder, how do you let people know this? Or do you not bother and just say you're single?

I actually think there must be lots of people who don't want sex, but in the past women didn't really have the option. I can also see the advantages of having a companion for pleasant company and all the practical benefits of pooling resources.

I don’t talk about it. I have never, IRL, told anyone.

I’m just the weird, always single, person.

I hope one day things have moved on and people can just straight up say they are asexuals and/or aromantic.
Would make things easier.

Which sock do you put on first, left or right?

I'm actually fascinated, not least because it wouldn't surprise me if one of my dc turned out to be the same.

In looking for a life partner does it matter to you which sex they are?

Do your friends know?

Have you ever had an orgasm?

I love the idea of having a best friend, male or female that you live with and share everything with but don't have sex with. I'm not asexual but I can certainly see the appeal!

Also if you don't feel sexual attraction but you like fucking does that mean you would be just as happy fucking someone who looked like Jimmy Saville as you would someone who looked like Idris Elba*, all other things being equal?

*Please replace these two with your own choice of repulsive/perfect people as suits your own kinsey-scale preferences

This is really interesting OP, I think any questions I might have had have already been answered and I hope Mumsnet don't delete this one!

What do you think about the relationship between trauma and asexuality?

It’s a dangerous correlation because asexual people aren’t damaged people (it’s seems very sensible to be asexual to me, but I’m not) however the correlation exists in the literature I’ve read.

So in all your years since puberty, have you never fancied anyone ever?

So you feel no romantic or sexual attraction to others. You have no libido for others. Fine your body, your emotions, your choice.

I imagine you share the traits of thousands or even millions of overworked, overstressed individuals who just want a cup or tea and a sleep.

I thought the title was 'aromatic' and we would be discussing herbs and spices?

@TheSockMonster

And another question, hopefully not too insensitive…

If you could choose to experience romantic love and sexual desire, would you?

” Is your capacity for non-romantic love affected?” I’m not sure I understand.

Other question.
Younger me, when I desperately wanted to be like everyone else and ”normal” would have jumped to the opportunite.

Now?
Maybe, at least when the lonliness hits hard.
I don’t know.
I think I kind of stopped believing in love, that’s why the companionship has become really importand to me. I value that more.

Sex stuff holds no meaning or value to me.
My sex repulsion would have to be removed firts .

@Wroxie

Also if you don't feel sexual attraction but you like fucking does that mean you would be just as happy fucking someone who looked like Jimmy Saville as you would someone who looked like Idris Elba*, all other things being equal?

*Please replace these two with your own choice of repulsive/perfect people as suits your own kinsey-scale preferences

Ah I didn't realise that OP liked sex just with anyone rather than people they find attractive or romantic attraction to.

So a great job would be a sex worker since you wouldn't care what they looked like at all since not attracted to others or drawn romantically.

@BouncyMonk

Do asexual people enjoy alone time, or is it a no to any sexual experience?

&

I have a sex drive. Never had any problems with that. It’s too high actually.

Asexuality is about lack of sexual atrraction, it’s not about libido

I think the elephant in the room here that many would like to know is if/how do you get off?

Thank you for responding

I'm all about looking at benefits and risks and asking odd questions

I’t that feeling that you want to have an actual relationship with other person...I guess atrraction is first, other person feels the same and it grows into a emotion.

Interesting - I generally have them the other way around - the emotion comes first as sensory information - like feeling hungry - attraction might be a label I applied to it later when I'm trying to sort out WTF is going on (sometimes I have to do that with hunger too).

I guess my next question is what is an 'actual relationship'? which comes back to romantic vs platonic or other types of love

Are types of relationships you do feel drawn towards even if not as socially 'normal' for lack of a better phrase.

The conversations on AVEN that I previously mentioned (which I haven't been to in ages, as you said such spaces can have their issues) were largely around the difference between platonic and romantic love, how people divide friends and partners. My line can look a little blurry, I've enjoyed affectionate friendships with some people, and I had to work out the differences for myself as that didn't really come naturally to me in my thoughts even though I clearly acted them out and could feel differences between people. It takes me a while to word and logic feelings things out so I overthink this (and many things) and like seeing how others think on it.

@WhatsAppening

What possible questions or interest would anyone have about your lack of relationships or sex life? Genuinely no one but you finds it interesting or wants to discuss it.

Eh? Plenty of people haven't heard of/don't know anyone who is asexual or aromatic and might be interesting in asking questions.

If you don't care then don't click on the thread!

@mlmbotsno I don't think OP said specifically that they liked sex with just anyone, just that they have a high libido but did not experience sexual attraction. I am trying to figure out how that works. I don't think it's necessarily charitable to sign them up for sex work...

[quote Wotwhywhen]@IWillFindYou

This is pretty.mich how you're other thread went. So done did begin to answer the questions, but it got progressively worse.

At one point, some suggested that being Asexual was wrong, I had to wonder if they would have said that to a homosexual..

Then others were calling it a lifestyle choice.. again, I doubt anyone would suggest homosexuality is a 'Choice'

Eventually MN took it down.

Fwiw.
I believe myself to be some form of Asexual.
I can look at a group of men and women and the thought of being naked and having intercourse with any of them wouldn't even cross my mind, I'd probably be disgusted if it was suggested.

I have no need for sex and I have no need for a partner. I've had them in the past and I am happier alone and solitary.
This is hard for some people to grasp, some people believe being in a relationship is the 'be all and end all' and will tolerate all manner of abuses to stay within that partnership. No thanks.

But I digress and I'm taking up space in your thread.. so apologies.[/quote]
No, thank you for writing.
I am always happy to hear about others.
Makes me feel less alone!

A lot of what you wrote resonated, I’m not the best of being (always) alone, working on that one.

Also, I guess I’m glad I wasn’t there to witness the last post.