I’m the aromantic asexual who’s thread was taken down and I don’t even know why AMA!

[IWillFindYou]

So I posted it, checked day later no questions, next thing it’s gone.
I have no idea what happened or was said.

So, let’s do this again.

[quote girljulian]@IWillFindYou, I don't know why I can't quote you but:

"No it’s more like we have home together, we are committed to share and build a life together, we go family gatherings etc. as, I guess the word would be couple, but not quite.
It just isin’t sexual.
But we deeply care about eachother.

And for some it can be man or woman.
For me, they would have to be a woman.
Not interested in men at all."

...but how is that not a romantic asexual relationship? I genuinely don't understand. You have perfectly described a romantic friendship.[/quote]
Sounds more like companionship, not romance..

Are all friends romantically involved? Do you have a best friend that knows everything about you, loves you dearly? Is that romantic?

And for some it can be man or woman.
For me, they would have to be a woman.
Not interested in men at all

I can't get my head around this, OP . You say you're asexual so you don't fancy men or women so why would you also exclude men as being companions ?

You want your other half with no physical intimacy.

You want a girl best friend who is completely committed to a life with you and you her.

You are not attracted to and at some level are repelled by men - and you don't fancy women.

Is that it in a nutshell? If so I know lots of female friendships like this of all ages and I don't think they're that uncommon really but I think they tend to grow organically from circumstances that put you together.

I’m sorry you’ve been given a hard time, OP. I think AMA threads are really generous and if people aren’t interested in the topic there’s no need to engage.
My question is — and sorry, I haven’t read the whole lot, so if you’ve answered this already just say so! — do you feel a sense of relief about it, at all? I was incredibly unhappy for a while because I so badly wanted a loving monogamous relationship, and it’s fair to say that once I met my husband my quality of life changed dramatically for the better. But I think of the things I could have done and experienced and the life I could have loved without that internal pressure, and though I wouldn’t change my marriage or family for anything I wonder what I missed out on.

@Brokeandtired3

Question - can a person who has lost their interest or drive in sex be considered asexual? For example having mh issues means you generally dont care for it anymore, or a woman after given birth and bfing. If so how long of a time span until they are considered asexual, months, years, weeks?

I don’t know what it’s like to lack libido. But if they have felt sexual attraction before, I wouldn’t at least jump to calling them asexual.

If they know what the atrraction is/feels like, I wouldn’t call them asexual.
Even if they don’t have any libido.

Not my business, but I don’t really like when, let’s say menopausal woman say they now feel like asexual. I don’t think that is the same thing.

But not a gate keeper. They of course can call themselves whatever feels fitting.

@butterpuffed

*And for some it can be man or woman. For me, they would have to be a woman. Not interested in men at all*

I can't get my head around this, OP . You say you're asexual so you don't fancy men or women so why would you also exclude men as being companions ?

You're not really that obtuse are you?

You can not want to live with a man for many reasons. They can smell, they can be aggressive. They might like football so on and so on.

Jeez, shows how sex really is deeply ingrained in the way people shape their everyday lives doesn't it?

Some really unpleasant posters on this thread. It's like mean girls in the playground jumping over each other to prove how cool they are and how cutting they can be to the OP. Grow up fgs

I think this could be a really useful thread, I imagine there are many people out there wondering if they are asexual

My question would be that you describe caring deeply about another person, sharing your life together - would that not be romantic love? Do you feel love for others people in your life like siblings, friends? I would say what separates my love for DP as opposed to my best friend is the sexual element. If I never had sexual feelings I'm not sure I could differentiate so easily

@BouncyMonk

Do asexual people enjoy alone time, or is it a no to any sexual experience?

Mastubation, you mean? Yes, asexuals can and do mastubate.

@Chikapu

Which sock do you put on first, left or right?

Never paid attention to that. No idea I’m afraid!

What's the difference between asexual and frigid?

@Tal45

I'm actually fascinated, not least because it wouldn't surprise me if one of my dc turned out to be the same.

In looking for a life partner does it matter to you which sex they are?

Do your friends know?

Have you ever had an orgasm?

I love the idea of having a best friend, male or female that you live with and share everything with but don't have sex with. I'm not asexual but I can certainly see the appeal!

If they do, I hope you are supportive of them. If yes, that is amazing!

To me, yes. I am only interested in other women.

No one knows, only random people on the internet.

I have had many orgasms. Many.

And to your final sentence, yes that would be a dream.
With a woman, though

@StuntNun

What's the difference between asexual and frigid?

Asexual doesn't want the sex, a frigid person wants the sex but can't cum.

Hth

Sorry OP you don't really seem to understand adult relationships and this just seems like navel-gazing with no point other than attention seeking on your part.
Asexuality is real, and the lack of sexual attraction to other people is straightforward (in theory, if not in practice - life is messy). However, this "aromantic" thing is nonsense. "Romance" describes various levels of friendship mixed with sexual attraction. There isn't some magical third feeling that is added on top of that to make "romance" and that's a very childish view of adult relationships that you could do with sorting out.

I misread that as ‘aromatic’ and thought it was a thread about an asexual who smells nice.

Nothing to ask. Just read the title as aromatic asexual and was struggling with the concept.

@Wroxie

Also if you don't feel sexual attraction but you like fucking does that mean you would be just as happy fucking someone who looked like Jimmy Saville as you would someone who looked like Idris Elba*, all other things being equal?

*Please replace these two with your own choice of repulsive/perfect people as suits your own kinsey-scale preferences

I don’t think so, no.

Aesthetic attraction would play a part in this I’m guessing.

I’m really not going to be of much help about the sex stuff.

That's two of us now @arrangeyourface

However, this "aromantic" thing is nonsense. "Romance" describes various levels of friendship mixed with sexual attraction. There isn't some magical third feeling that is added on top of that to make "romance" and that's a very childish view of adult relationships that you could do with sorting out.

So someone has friends, they're in a romantic relationship are they?

Platonic friendships exist, no romance involved.

The golden Girls were all romantically involved with each other were they? Nope..

@FavouriteMug

This is really interesting OP, I think any questions I might have had have already been answered and I hope Mumsnet don't delete this one!

@BuckyBarnesArm

I honestly don't know why some people are being so fucking rude. Just because they're not interested it doesn't mean others are not.

This.

Why can’t you be romantic but not want sex?

My friend's daughter has just publicly shared that she is ace/aro. She's 19.
What advice would you have for her about how to navigate young adult life?
Anything you wish you'd done differently at that age?

You're not really that obtuse are you?

I must be if you say so

@Wotwhywhen Well it's deeply ingrained in OP's life isn't it as she's very certain she doesn't want anything to do with one particular sex, she has a very pronounced preference. She is asexually and aromantically interested in companionship with ONLY women.

Despite not being attracted to women, she chooses them exclusively and it would be interesting to understand why, seeing as this is an AMA and that's what @butterpuffed did.

How does one know if they are aromantic? Romance is dependent on meeting the right person I would think - some people date and have casual sex for many years before meeting someone who they love or have romantic feelings for. So what’s the difference?