I’m the aromantic asexual who’s thread was taken down and I don’t even know why AMA!

[IWillFindYou]

So I posted it, checked day later no questions, next thing it’s gone.
I have no idea what happened or was said.

So, let’s do this again.

[IWillFindYou]

@BiBabbles

How does that work? You click report on your own post and then there will be a comment box where you can ask why your previous thread was removed.

How do you define romantic love compared to other types? I've had this conversation over at AVEN many years back now and there's been an interesting mix of results.

What do you think are the benefits and risks to people centreing their sexuality and relationship processing part of their personality in their sense of self?

You've said "romantic attraction", how does romantic attraction differ from experiencing romantic love as an emotion?

I don’t know what romantic attraction feels line, since I’ve never felt it.
I’t that feeling that you want to have an actual relationship with other person.
So it’s about romantic connection with them, not about sex.
I guess atrraction is first, other person feels the same and it grows into a emotion.


”” What do you think are the benefits and risks to people centreing their sexuality and relationship processing part of their personality in their sense of self?””

Oooff!!!
You are enlightened!
Not something many would ask!
I think it’s dangerous.
As you can see from the mean comments, a lot of people have their selfworth wrapped around it.
But it’s not my business.
It’s just strange, the choices people make because of sexual wants.
People can come as pretty ice cold.

[Ihopeyourcakeisshit]

May I ask how old you are OP?
And at the risk of sounding patronising, do you think you just haven't met the right person?

[IWillFindYou]

@BoreiPuriHagafen

I have a question.

It's a lovely day, why don't you go out for a walk?

Already did that, thank you.

[IWillFindYou]

@BoreiPuriHagafen

I have a question.

It's a lovely day, why don't you go out for a walk?

Yes.

Someone with similar lifestyle.
To share and build a life.
Committed companionship.

[TheYearOfSmallThings]

I actually think it is an interesting thread, because I have never met a person who was asexual (as far as I know).

Which makes me wonder, how do you let people know this? Or do you not bother and just say you're single?

I actually think there must be lots of people who don't want sex, but in the past women didn't really have the option. I can also see the advantages of having a companion for pleasant company and all the practical benefits of pooling resources.

[IWillFindYou]

@BuckyBarnesArm

Have you ever tried to "force yourself" to have a relationship or just accepted yourself as you are? How old are you?

Not physically.
Emotionally yes, and that alone caused a lot of damage.

Accepting myself is a long process.
Especially since I don't know anyone like me, so have to do it alone. And how everyone else is doing the polar opposite of me, so it's really lonely.

I am 35.

[TheSockMonster]

I think it’s interesting, I think most of us have had a ‘maiden aunt’ or ‘bachelor uncle’ who was single through choice (hopefully we’ve moved on from those descriptors!)

Do you have/want to have children?

Is your capacity for non-romantic love affected?

[TheSockMonster]

And another question, hopefully not too insensitive…

If you could choose to experience romantic love and sexual desire, would you?

[IWillFindYou]

@ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings

It's very outside the "norm" so I think it's an interesting AMA personally. I already posted this on your other thread OP, but are you male or female? Have you ever had a relationship and/or sex? If so, was it with a man or a woman? Do you have or want children? How old are you and when did you start to describe yourself as asexual? What do you think of people who describe themselves as asexual but defend the idea that you can still have and enjoy lots of sex (the last "asexual" person to do an AMA here claimed to be "promiscuous" with a high sex drive if I remember rightly!)

Thank you.
And also to BuckyBarnesArm.

I’m a woman.
Never had sex. And don’t want to and that hindered my dating life.
I do not want children.
35 now, I remember thinking I’m asexual when I was 20, but I don’t know how I knew the word.

The last question….
Honestly, I am not a fan.
And people like that are the reason I don’t spend much time with asexual communities.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

You’re quite judgemental and dismissive of people who are romantic and sexual. Do you know why that is? Do you feel a bit superior as you’re not at the mercy of your heart or loins?

[TimetohittheroadJack]

I'm interested (in asking questions).

So do you want a life partner who you be like a friend? Someone to hang out with, go places together - mundane things like watch tv together, going to the shops etc but also holidays, eating out enjoying yourself?

Do you think everyone else is busy holding hands and behaving like they are in a rom com?

[IWillFindYou]

@RavingAnnie

I don't know why you are getting such horrible reactions. I think it's very interesting as it's outside the norm.

Do you ever get lonely or do you worry about loneliness as you go into old age?

Yes.
And yes, very much.

I worry about this a lot.
Also I’m really not a lone wolf type, but kind of been pushed to be by this.
Everyone has/is looking for their partner/family and then there’s me just all akward….

I would like to have my person, be someone’s person.
Just not in the conventional way.
It’s a tall order.

[Plumtree391]

@GemmaRuby

I read the title as aromatic, I was very intrigued! Thought you might have a special interest in smells. Am less interested now, sorry.

Me too, I thought, "This person must be fragrant". I'm sure you are fragrant, op.

What is 'aromantic', does it mean you have no romantic thoughts, ever?

[Wotwhywhen]

@IWillFindYou

This is pretty.mich how you're other thread went. So done did begin to answer the questions, but it got progressively worse.

At one point, some suggested that being Asexual was wrong, I had to wonder if they would have said that to a homosexual..

Then others were calling it a lifestyle choice.. again, I doubt anyone would suggest homosexuality is a 'Choice'

Eventually MN took it down.

Fwiw.
I believe myself to be some form of Asexual.
I can look at a group of men and women and the thought of being naked and having intercourse with any of them wouldn't even cross my mind, I'd probably be disgusted if it was suggested.

I have no need for sex and I have no need for a partner. I've had them in the past and I am happier alone and solitary.
This is hard for some people to grasp, some people believe being in a relationship is the 'be all and end all' and will tolerate all manner of abuses to stay within that partnership. No thanks.

But I digress and I'm taking up space in your thread.. so apologies.

[saraclara]

I actually think it is an interesting thread, because I have never met a person who was asexual (as far as I know).

Yep. A lot of responses here are bizarre. Why is this any less interesting or worthy of an AMA than any other subject? There have been way less interesting AMAs and they haven't had this kind of group attack.

[LateDecemberBackInLowB12]

Are people irl as dismissive as they are on here with "You just haven't met the right one" type attitudes?

Do you find it easier to deal with those people now you're a bit older and have a name for the way you feel?

[KimDeals]

What are your friendships like? Do they resemble “the norm”? Have you long term friends?

My mind is blown at the thought of THE BOY/GIRL THING not rearing it’s head in the middle of potential friendships!

[mumsiedarlingrevolta]

@JaneJeffer

What's aromantic?

Omg I read it as

I am aromatic

[IWillFindYou]

@CookPassBabtridge

I don't get why you're getting flack.. this is an interesting topic because it's outside of the usual human behaviour.

What would you like out of a relationship/life with someone?
What would you definitely not want? Aside from sex.
Have you tried to find someone who meets your ideal?

Dream relationship would be like two best, BEST, friends who have chosen eachother.
Commited companionship.
Live together.

I have tried, but the asexual sites in my country are pretty much dead.

[GemmaRuby]

Really don’t understand the aggression.
For comparison, there is another AMA thread entitled “I don’t like mince”. No-one has written that they couldn’t care less that OP doesn’t like mince… but some how everyone who “really doesn’t care” has found the time to let this OP know just how much they don’t care! Sad bastards.

[EmbarrassingAdmissions]

OP - is there a shared understanding of what asexual or aromantic means?

There's a current thread in elsewhere from someone who is asexual but that seems to exclude NPV sex (in that sex) rather than an absence of sexual activity.

A quick Google indicates there are asexual dating apps/sites (I've no idea how well populated or used they are).

Likewise, there seem to be an absence of a shared understanding of what aromantic means because it seems to be highly individualised.

[IWillFindYou]

@VirgilStarkwell

Would you hope for a monogamous relationship with another aro/ace?

Do you do hugs and holding hands or does that make you uncomfortable?

Do you want children, and if so how would you go about that? (Sorry, that’s very personal.)

Yes.

A little, I’m not the most touchy feely person. But yes. When I’m comfortable with the person.

I’m chilfree by choice.

[Waitinginthewings]

Really interesting thread. I bet there are many more Asexuals around. People's responses here are terrible. I don't think you've been rude, patronising or offensive in any way.

[NannyOggsward]

I’m not sure I get it. I get you don’t fancy anyone/have sexual feelings.

But I don’t get how you want a life partner, assuming that person to be someone you love? So if it’s not romantic/sexual then it can be male and female, someone who loves you and you love back? But doesn’t expect sex?

So a best friend who isn’t allowed other friends as that’s the only commitment you can give each other?

Sounds a bit selfish sorry x

[NannyOggsward]

Suppose it’s not selfish if the other person also doesn’t like sex or love. Interesting.