I’m the aromantic asexual who’s thread was taken down and I don’t even know why AMA!

[IWillFindYou]

So I posted it, checked day later no questions, next thing it’s gone.
I have no idea what happened or was said.

So, let’s do this again.

[Wotwhywhen]

@slashlover

Obviously, I wouldn't directly accuse anyone on MN of ever using those tactics.
Everyone always posts in good faith with thread furthering information.

Interestingly, the first block of my degree this year will focus on critical think and I've even bought "Critical Thinking for Dummies" to get a head start, might have to dive into that tomorrow. The fallacies look interesting, especially Personal incredulity and The Appeal to Invincible Ignorance.

They sound very intellectually interesting... I may have to Google those terms as I'm sure they would be completely interesting and not related at all to anyone on MN.

[slashlover]

@myheartskippedabeat

About as boring as "I live with Hisband, 2 kids, dog, cat and hamsters AMA"

How dull

Yet somehow this post was at over 400 replies by the time you posted. There are many AMAs that I'm not interested in so I don't open them. Imagine if I went into every topic I wasn't interested in and replied as you have.

[slashlover]

Obviously, I wouldn't directly accuse anyone on MN of ever using those tactics.
Everyone always posts in good faith with thread furthering information.

Interestingly, the first block of my degree this year will focus on critical think and I've even bought "Critical Thinking for Dummies" to get a head start, might have to dive into that tomorrow. The fallacies look interesting, especially Personal incredulity and The Appeal to Invincible Ignorance.

[Wotwhywhen]

@myheartskippedabeat

About as boring as "I live with Hisband, 2 kids, dog, cat and hamsters AMA"

How dull

I'd actually be quite interested to hear experiences of living in that scenario.

Rightly or wrongly that scenario to me is the "Normal Life" and I've never had the "Normal Life"
I lived a version of it for a while, but now it's very far removed from my existence at this point.

[myheartskippedabeat]

@KateTheEighth

I'm not really sure what to ask tbh

I don't like Grand Prix and I'm not keen on mangoes but I wouldn't start a thread on it

Precisely

About as boring as "I live with Hisband, 2 kids, dog, cat and hamsters AMA"

How dull

[Wotwhywhen]

On a completely unrelated note.
Over the last 20+ years on message board and forums etc. I've seen a couple regular tactics used by bad faith posters.

One is to accuse another poster of "Being angry" (u mad bro?) Usually trotted out when they have no argument to make but want to make themselves feel they've one upped someone, gives then a little endorphin rush and makes them feel good about themselves.

The other is to repeatedly "brow beat" other people with bad faith arguments or poor evidence and bad information and just generally keep on replying without actually adding anything new. They do this in the hope that the other people will stop responding and then they can feel that they have "won" the argument. Obviously they haven't really won anything, the other people have just got sick of responding. Its a tactic used by some people to hide their lack of maturity and intelligence and make them feel superior to people they see as lesser or beneath them. They often like to have the last word and if forums have a message limit on the threads they'll keep responding until it hits that cut off.

Obviously, I wouldn't directly accuse anyone on MN of ever using those tactics.
Everyone always posts in good faith with thread furthering information.

[slashlover]

Me - I've been called names and invalidated, here are some examples. I spent a long time when I was younger feeling broken.
You - Does any non asexual person think they are freaks for not being in a relationship?
You - I don't think of people as being less!
You - But who makes a big deal of asexuality?


Me - Here are more of my experiences.
You - But where is that from, there isn't structural oppression of asexuals, in fact there might be societal approval!
Me - Here are some structural oppressions - GP/official forms/not being in the equality act. Here is a peer reviewed report about prejudice towards asexuals.
You - When did it come up with the GP? (ignores all other references)

You have been given many, many personal experiences. You have been given a youtube playlist. You have been given peer reviewed articles. You have been given links. You have been given more personal experiences. Have you looked at any of them or do you just expect us to suddenly find that one piece of info you have been looking for which will change your entire viewpoint?

It's interesting that on this post you say that you are possibly demisexual and homoromantic, which suits your "But I never faced that!" narrative but in SEVERAL previous posts you call yourself bisexual when it suited your narrative than bisexuals in opposite sex relationships had straight privilege and if they had never been in a same sex relationship then their bisexuality was "theoretical".

Again, orientation does not equal act. You can be heterosexual/homosexual/bisexual and have never been in a relationship or be a virgin. You can be bisexual and only date the opposite sex. You can be bi and only date the same sex.

Also, don't you DARE say I didn't answer in good faith (at least in the beginning) I was completely open about how I felt, which can be difficult for me, and you just kept repeating "I don't understand".

I may sound angry and that's because I am.

They didn't have to reply to me, nobody did.

I will be following this advice from now on.

Thank you and have a nice night.

[Wotwhywhen]

Prove it.

You've said I co opted... Where?
Said I'd claimed to be the most oppressed... Where?

I've asked you several times to explain, to prove, but you haven't.

[ArcheryAnnie]

Wot I have experienced your posts to me as aggressive and misrepresenting. You can post what you like, of course, and I have learned from you, but possibly not what you wished for me to learn.

[Wotwhywhen]

@ArcheryAnnie

Because I wasn't belittling them.

This is an AMA. I was asking questions, as is the point of an AMA. They didn't have to reply to me, nobody did. I was also open with my experiences, too. Some people answered in good faith, and I learned from them. Some people were determined to misrepresent whatever I said, and just berate me. I did learn from them, too, but possibly not what they wished for me to learn.

If a teacher was just yelling at a class, answering "because I said so" to any question, then I would assume it's the teacher's fault that the class doesn't understand the subject, not the students.

You didn't have to reply to anyone.

You didn't have to ask your genuine question... And spouted the same biased nonsense you have been for years, as highlighted above.

You keep saying you've been misrepresented.. whilst saying I've co opted other peoples experiences and claimed in oppress.. so you've misrepresented me more than anyone has been misrepresenting you...

So come on, let's see it, let's see the co opting and me claiming I'm the most oppressed.. otherwise you're guilty of what you're accusing others of.

[slashlover]

If a teacher was just yelling at a class, answering "because I said so" to any question, then I would assume it's the teacher's fault that the class doesn't understand the subject, not the students.

If SEVERAL teachers explained it in several different ways and the student still didn't understand and said it was being explained incorrectly then I might start to suspect it's not the teachers.

[ArcheryAnnie]

Because I wasn't belittling them.

This is an AMA. I was asking questions, as is the point of an AMA. They didn't have to reply to me, nobody did. I was also open with my experiences, too. Some people answered in good faith, and I learned from them. Some people were determined to misrepresent whatever I said, and just berate me. I did learn from them, too, but possibly not what they wished for me to learn.

If a teacher was just yelling at a class, answering "because I said so" to any question, then I would assume it's the teacher's fault that the class doesn't understand the subject, not the students.

[CluelessCar]

@ArcheryAnnie why do you expect people whose experiences you keep dismissing and questioning to teach you?
If you belittled a teacher and told them they were wrong/didn't understand their subject everyday, would you expect them to keep teaching you? Or would you accept that maybe you should have listened when you're kicked out of the class again and again?

[ArcheryAnnie]

Well done on your stalking, slashlover, but it doesn't change anything. What has changed, a little bit, is because of the good faith responses on this thread. I've learned a lot from Mumsnet, over the years, and I hope I continue to learn - but it clearly won't be from you.

[Wotwhywhen]

I knew she was posting from a position of bias, right from the very first post..

They're still biased and have learned nothing it seems.

[slashlover]

Didn't realise I'd switched between PP and OP.

[slashlover]

Annie.

[WormYourHonour]

@slashlover

Sorry, I don't understand, who posted those?
The OP or Annie?

[slashlover]

I've just had a nosey around PPs posting history and apparently we've discussed this before, almost exactly 3 years ago.

I wrote.

Asexual people can enjoy sex, asexuality means a lack of sexual attraction not the inability to have sex.

PP replied with I think anyone who enjoys sex, and pursues sexual relationships, is being utterly ridiculous if they call themselves "asexual".

PPs posting history also includes

You'd be amazed (or possibly not) at the number of people on tumblr who claim to be asexual but who also claim to have, and enjoy, an active sex life.

Also "queer" now usually means, for women "I'm straight but it's embarrassing to admit being so normal when I'm actually very edgy and cool and alternative", and for men "I'm straight but want to claim I'm oppressed in some nebulous way which you can't disprove because I'll just shout BI/PAN ERASURE".

and from 2015

hijk by "appropriative pomo bullshit" I was expressing my dissatisfaction at the idea that there is any such thing as "discrimination against demisexuals and aromantics" or that it could be compared to discrimination against gays and lesbians. There isn't and it can't.

In my early posts I had already said that sex ed shouldn't assume that everyone will have or want a partner, but again, you cannot claim that asexuality is in any way comparable to being gay or lesbian in terms of discrimination.

I'm sorry OP, but if you've not been able understand in 6 years of asking/research then this thread probably isn't going to help much.

[SequinsandStiIettos]

They touched upon this in Everything's gonna be okay - Drea and Mathilde ended up together - best friends and married but Drea was asexual.
Mathilde was unsure of her sexuality but knew she wanted to be with Drea (M was on the spectrum). Their solution - to be together but no sex and Mathilde could have casual sex with men.

Courtly love used to be platonic but was, of course, romantic.
As to what romantic is or should be is another thread.

What I do hope, OP, is for you to meet a like-minded person to share your life with. We all deserve companionship and to be accepted and loved for who we are. Good luck

[Wotwhywhen]

You've not explained yourself at all.

You blustered in with genuine questions. Made accusations. Ignored information and just keep coming back to stir

You're posting from a biased position and expecting others to reply in good faith.
They have done.

When someone says they don't want to respond too you any more, you respond to them very quickly to bait them.

You say you want to know why.
It's been explained to you.
You're choosing to ignore it, pretend to not understand it and then continue to ask why.

[slashlover]

I'm afraid I can't help you and I fear that nobody will as several other PPs apparently can't understand what it is you want. I've linked to several websites, scientific papers and a youtube playlist, hopefully one or more of these will be able to help.

[ArcheryAnnie]

Except that's not true, is it? I've explained myself as much as I can, given much more of my own history that I expected to (which has been completely disregarded) , and have been trying to be clear about what I understand and what I don't. And in return I have been wildly misrepresented.

So yeah, your issue, not mine.

[slashlover]

@ArcheryAnnie

JSYK, your constant cries of "I don't understand" come across as "I don't believe you"

That's your issue, not mine.

No. It's yours.

You - I don't understand
PPs - Explain personal reasons
You - I don't understand
PPs - Provide links and explain more
You - I don't understand, explain it to me more.

Anyway, I've explained as much as I can so I'm politely disengaging.

[ArcheryAnnie]

JSYK, your constant cries of "I don't understand" come across as "I don't believe you"

That's your issue, not mine.