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AMA

I was the OW during an affair. AMA

299 replies

PeachesTheFlamingo · 23/10/2020 15:03

I was single. He was married with two children. We had a sexual relationship for approximately 12 months. Ask me anything...

(Yes, I am aware and understand that this post may attract a lot of flame and "So what?", "Who cares?" comments ......but I've created it for anyone who may want to ask relevant questions.

OP posts:
jessstan1 · 24/10/2020 10:57

'as' rigorously honest.

Mooseflake · 24/10/2020 11:01

No judgment from me OP - I completely understand how you ended up in this situation. I've seen a friend become a serial OW - believe me, her self esteem is rock bottom and I do think its a form of self harm.

Really glad you've got away from him, and learned from the experience.

He, however, is highly likely to do it again. Steel yourself to hear about him having another affair sometime down the line.

Rainbowqueeen · 24/10/2020 11:11

OP do you feel it was wrong to be in a relationship with someone else for 9 years and have been in love with your affair partner all that time? That’s what I can’t fathom.

I absolutely agree that you need to block this guy. It doesn’t give him power, it takes away his power. He is sending you innocuous stuff in order to breadcrumb you ie keep you in his life as an option
This thread has made me realise how many women need to reassess their own value and their own standards in relationships. Can I recommend that you have a look at. Female dating strategy on reddit and as a website in its own right. Their premise is that women can be and should strive to be happy on their own, to value themselves and to really vet the men they let into their lives. It’s about having high standards and expecting others to meet those standards. Have a look and see what resonates.

ChickensMightFly · 24/10/2020 11:23

Thanks, I missed that. 🙂

Eyesofdisarray · 24/10/2020 12:04

Some comments have been harsh OP. I think you have made calm and measured responses to these comments.
You were vulnerable and I agree that he saw his chance and took it.
I haven't seen you gloating or being proud of what happened- far from it.
I can't grasp why the OW is so often blamed in these scenarios- these men are usually the cheats.

I wish you all the best- and good luck in your new relationship
Flowers

Thismustbelove · 24/10/2020 12:33

The chances are he has come to his senses, people do. At least we hope so.

If only it was that easy.

IMO the chances of this are very very slim.
It is unlikely he drifted happily back into a relationship that did not fulfil him enough to stop him looking for something else. It is unlikely he can cut off the ego boost of having another person tell him he is loved. That sort of ego boost is consuming. The man the OP had an affair with had a lot to lose yet he took that gamble. The (imagined or not) void in his marriage has to be replaced with something or someone else. It doesn’t just stop.

Gwenhwyfar · 24/10/2020 12:38

"OP do you feel it was wrong to be in a relationship with someone else for 9 years and have been in love with your affair partner all that time? That’s what I can’t fathom."

Loads of people have 'the one that got away'. I don't think people have to stay single forever after being dumped by someone they love.

atiabalba · 24/10/2020 13:41

[quote PeachesTheFlamingo]@atiabalba

I've been an OW for nearly 2 years. When I read posts like this it does make me think a bit. Is my self esteem really low? I wouldn't have said so, but maybe. Some good points made by @RUOKHon**
Some really good points by RUOKHon!!
I do agree that low self-esteem in the OW is a factor in a lot of affairs, but not all. You don't think you have low self-esteem. I'm interested to know how your affair came about and why it's still going if you're willing to share?

Great thread OP. I always read the OW threads with interest but would be too scared of the MN wrath to start my own.
Thanks! I kind of expected the MN wrath, but have tried to step around the unhelpful bashing comments and have tried to answer as many questions as possible. Still trying to catch up with them all![/quote]
Sure. I met him on a dating app. He is "happily" married, just likes more sex / variety / says he's not into monogamy. I'm not his only affair partner, his other affair has been going on for a decade or so.

He is older and a big part of it for me is having that father type figure who listens and cares and advises. He sort of looks after me and gives me advice and support about my career, about dating, finance etc. He's always there to say well done to me when I've achieved something and to say he is proud of me. I don't have that in my life really (no immediate family and my own parents died when i was young). It fills a massive gap. He is calm and reliable and consistent, calls me daily etc. The sex is great but its more about the bond for me. Am well aware that for him its probably more about the sex!

This thread has been very interesting OP, i certainly have a lot to think about. Well done for not getting stressed out by some of the comments. I'm pleased for you that you broke away and have found real happiness.

PhilSwagielka · 24/10/2020 14:53

How can you live with yourself?

northstars · 24/10/2020 15:15

OP, you’ve been very honest and I wish you well. It sounds like you’ve done a lot of soul-searching since then and I hope you are in a better place now. Thanks for starting this thread. Flowers ju

PeachesTheFlamingo · 24/10/2020 18:11

@FlouncerInDenial

This has been really interesting. Thank you for starting this thread.

You are right - this should be discussed on here

You're welcome. I agree, this should be discussed. Many difficult/uncomfortable topics are discussed here. I don't agree with brushing those topics under the carpet and pretending they don't exist. We can all learn by sharing.

OP posts:
PeachesTheFlamingo · 24/10/2020 18:18

@enjoyingthequiet

This has been really interesting. Thank you for starting this thread. * You are right - this should be discussed on here*

^^absolutely this.

Take care, OP. Really interesting thread and well done on ignoring the flamers, with grace.

@enjoyingthequiet

Thank you. I knew there would be some flames, and I totally get it, it's an emotive subject. I don't think flame comments are constructive, but I do understand why some posters feel the need. I try not to take it personally.

OP posts:
Ernieshere · 24/10/2020 18:20

Do you think you were the only OW, or do you think he had more on the go?

Also, do you think he is still having affairs, as he was so unhappy at home?

PeachesTheFlamingo · 24/10/2020 19:05

@Thismustbelove

I get you OP. Some people don't have that 'one who got away' person in their life and I think thats why you are taking some stick about this. I can totally understand how this situation came about and I'm glad you have now recognised him for what he truly is. Your life will be better without him and I genuinely wish you all the best.

This.

You are getting a very hard time here but for many there has never been that 'if only' person.

Ultimately he was the person in the relationship that should have thought of his wife/his kids. Its so easy to blame the OW. Perhaps it helps wives/partners stay in marriages when affairs are discovered, if they can blame the OW and not their own spouses.

FWIW I would not tell his wife. That is up to him.

I have a 'one that got away'. There was huge attraction on my part, not so much on his sadly, and we both ended up meeting someone else. He sends messages sometimes telling me what a mistake he made and how he doesn't and never has loved the mother of his child. Oddly I believe that part. However I don't believe I was his 'true love' . The reality was I was an ego boost. I'm pretty sure he has chats with other women saying the same thing too. Despite all this, I fantasise about what could have been. The mind truly is a strange thing.

@Thismustbelove

I suppose I've never really considered that having "the one that got away" isn't something that most people experience. I have no idea what percentage of people do. It's a complex situation to be in. You're in love with them, you want to be with them, you think about them daily, you imagine your life with them, you want them to want you. You think they are the answer to your happiness. You can't get over them and you can't get past thinking about what might have been.
Way back when we had a brief fling and I fell for him, he wasn't interested in settling down. I was 19/20.. he was 5 years older. I dreamed of him while he had fun, messing about with several girls. Obviously I am older and wiser now and would be able to recognise that this wasn't someone to put on a pedestal, but back then, I was young, naive and had been drawn in by this very attractive, charismatic, older guy. I liken it to when someone is fanatical about their favourite rock star.

There's definitely a culture of women unbalanced demonising of the OW when an affair is discovered. Their husbands/partners are obviously not looked upon in a good light, but they seem to 'get off easier' than the OW. I think you're right, it's likely that it helps women stay in their marriage/relationship by placing more blame on the OW. Of course this is common, but not always the case. There are plenty of women who get rid of their husband/partner following the discovery of an affair.

I totally understand you fantasizing about your "one that got away". It's something you cannot turn off. I know it's controversial for me to say this, but one good thing I did get out of the affair is that I have seen him for who he really is and that made my feelings for him disappear. I no longer dream about what might have been. I don't think of him at all anymore.
Your suspicions are probably correct - you're an ego boost for him and he is likely getting that ego boost from other women as well. My advice would be to try and see him for what he really is so you can erase the feelings you have for him. Incredibly hard, I know.

OP posts:
AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 24/10/2020 19:20

@PhilSwagielka

How can you live with yourself?
Considering she didn't break any vows, betray her spouse and children or lie to anyone, I'd imagine she can live with herself pretty easily.
Buddy0987 · 24/10/2020 19:24

I care about yr answers how did it pan out ? X

PeachesTheFlamingo · 24/10/2020 19:32

@PandemicAtTheDisco

I think you are right in needing to block him on everything. It sounds like WhattsApp is your last link to him and that you are not ready to move on completely from him. You need that last connection?
Yes, WhatsApp is my last link with him. I don't agree that I'm not ready to move on completely and that I need that last connection. I have moved on from him. I have no feelings for him now. I have no reason not to block him, I've just never done it. This thread has made me question why, and I honestly don't have an answer - so I think I know what I've got to do. I will block him.

Can you be certain you won't ever be struggling again and become vulnerable to your previous feelings for him? I think cutting off that possibility might be wise.
Yes, I am certain there is absolutely no going back. I am fully aware now of the potential damage that could be caused, to his family and to myself. Even if we both became single, I wouldn't go near him because I now know who he really is. I have coping strategies in place to better manage my mental health.

Could you be subconsciously thinking the possibility of getting back with him still exists?
Absolutely no way. He makes me cringe.

OP posts:
TazMac · 24/10/2020 19:37

Considering she didn't break any vows, betray her spouse and children or lie to anyone, I'd imagine she can live with herself pretty easily.

Exactly. There have been some very sexist comments on here. Although I suspect a lot of them have been from women who’s husbands have had affairs, taking the opportunity to take out their anger on the OP.

lesleyw1953 · 24/10/2020 19:48

I really don't understand how being the OW helps with self esteem. You are the dirty little secret who does not merit commitment from a man who is fundamentally dishonest. How does that make you feel good about yourself? It's not as if you finally caught "the one who got away". He has still got away, and you still don't have him.

lesleyw1953 · 24/10/2020 19:54

@TazMac

Considering she didn't break any vows, betray her spouse and children or lie to anyone, I'd imagine she can live with herself pretty easily.

Exactly. There have been some very sexist comments on here. Although I suspect a lot of them have been from women who’s husbands have had affairs, taking the opportunity to take out their anger on the OP.

So, it is only your own children you have any responsibility to? (And yes, the cheating man bears the vast majority of that burden - just as the person who drives over a child is to blame more than the witness who does nothing)
PeachesTheFlamingo · 24/10/2020 20:27

@Ritascornershop

In addition to him taking advantage I wonder too if in some sense he seemed initially a bit safe after the end of your long term relationship? He was someone you knew, someone you’d adored, someone who was love-bombing you & as he was married so on some level you knew he couldn’t get close enough to hurt you? I mean, you got hurt anyway, but he may have seemed safe?
That's an interesting point. I've never thought about it like that. Interesting that my counsellor hasn't considered it either.. it's actually pretty apparent, now that I think about it. I guess he did feel safe, familiar. I trusted him.

I’m glad to see some kindness for you here; people get on their high horse about it usually (my exhusband had an affair but I didn’t blame her). People make mistakes, fall in love, etc.
I'm sorry to hear of your exes affair. I feel like I probably sound like a fraud considering what I did, but I genuinely mean it.

OP posts:
RUOKHon · 24/10/2020 20:35

Yes! That's exactly what it was like. An anti-relationship. I think everyone believes that the OW is in her element, but like you've pointed out, that's not always the case, a lot of the time, poor mental wellbeing and low self-esteem have a bit part to play and the affair is a desperate attempt at filling a void.

Another point about an affair being an ‘anti-relationship’ that’s occurred to me as I’ve been reading this thread: when I was targeted by my affair partner (and I use the word ‘targeted’ deliberately, because I very much believe he did target me), I’d just come out of a long term relationship and it was a messy, drawn out break up.
I think an affair was an attractive proposition for me at the time because it really demanded very little emotional input from me. I just had to be up for a few drinks/dinner and some sex. Easy, I could cope with that and not having to give anything of myself emotionally. I was too destroyed by the breakdown of my previous relationship to invest anything of myself too deeply. So in that respect, I suppose it was pretty... vapid?

It was only as I started to piece myself back together and realise I wanted to make a deeper connection with somebody that it became apparent how unsuitable and inappropriate my affair partner was. And that was when I ended it.

In my case he was also senior to me at work (yes, that old chestnut), so there was a power dynamic at play, which he was leveraging to his advantage.

Of course I had a choice whether to be the OW or not. But when you’re in a bad place emotionally and mentally, you don’t make good choices. We all know this, and I’m sure we’ve all made bad choices of some kind when we’ve been at a low point. I think men looking to have affairs know this too, and seek it out in potential partners.

So, I will take responsibility for my actions up to a point. But I also feel a lot of empathy and compassion for who I was back then. What I really needed at the time was some decent mental health support. Unfortunately, instead I ended up with a creepy boss on a power trip, telling me I was clever and gorgeous. I was drowning and miserable and it was the only lifeline I could see that I had.

I see a lot of parallels between mine and your situation OP. I also echo what PPs have said about making women the gatekeepers of men’s desire. Put bluntly, if a married man pursues a single woman, it is not her responsibility to ‘think of his wife and children’, it’s his. In all likelihood, she probably isn’t capable of acting in a compassionate way towards herself, let alone anyone else, which is why she is entering into the affair in the first place.

Ritascornershop · 24/10/2020 20:36

Oh, he was awful so really in a sense I was pleased someone took him off my hands. I was sorry for our kids as I thought he introduced her too soon and her kids wildly different to mine so my kids were bored to death being dragged out to hers on the weekend and then ignored by their dad while he focussed on her. But for me it was a relief as he had me so anxious and beaten down I didn’t know how to initiate a separation.

PeachesTheFlamingo · 24/10/2020 20:43

@Theatrically

I can relate to some of what you've said, OP - although I have never been an OW I have a 'one that got away' who has a similar personality, very charming and highly sexed and persistent. I know the hold these types of people can exert and I'm glad you're free now. And to those who are castigating the OP, life is not black and white. Affairs happen for a multitude of reasons and it doesn't mean those involved are all evil vipers. For anyone interested, Esther Perel has written a lot about the complexities of affairs.

Persistent is definitely a word I would use to describe him. After my relationship broke down and before the affair started, I told my cousin that he had been in contact, a lot more than usual. I told my cousin some of the flattering things he was saying to me.. my cousin said he was like someone chipping away at a tree with an axe, eventually it will give. My cousin was right.

I'd not heard of Esther Perel, but I am going to look her up. Interested to read what she has written.

OP posts:
affor · 24/10/2020 21:20

@RUOKHon

Yes! That's exactly what it was like. An anti-relationship. I think everyone believes that the OW is in her element, but like you've pointed out, that's not always the case, a lot of the time, poor mental wellbeing and low self-esteem have a bit part to play and the affair is a desperate attempt at filling a void.

Another point about an affair being an ‘anti-relationship’ that’s occurred to me as I’ve been reading this thread: when I was targeted by my affair partner (and I use the word ‘targeted’ deliberately, because I very much believe he did target me), I’d just come out of a long term relationship and it was a messy, drawn out break up.
I think an affair was an attractive proposition for me at the time because it really demanded very little emotional input from me. I just had to be up for a few drinks/dinner and some sex. Easy, I could cope with that and not having to give anything of myself emotionally. I was too destroyed by the breakdown of my previous relationship to invest anything of myself too deeply. So in that respect, I suppose it was pretty... vapid?

It was only as I started to piece myself back together and realise I wanted to make a deeper connection with somebody that it became apparent how unsuitable and inappropriate my affair partner was. And that was when I ended it.

In my case he was also senior to me at work (yes, that old chestnut), so there was a power dynamic at play, which he was leveraging to his advantage.

Of course I had a choice whether to be the OW or not. But when you’re in a bad place emotionally and mentally, you don’t make good choices. We all know this, and I’m sure we’ve all made bad choices of some kind when we’ve been at a low point. I think men looking to have affairs know this too, and seek it out in potential partners.

So, I will take responsibility for my actions up to a point. But I also feel a lot of empathy and compassion for who I was back then. What I really needed at the time was some decent mental health support. Unfortunately, instead I ended up with a creepy boss on a power trip, telling me I was clever and gorgeous. I was drowning and miserable and it was the only lifeline I could see that I had.

I see a lot of parallels between mine and your situation OP. I also echo what PPs have said about making women the gatekeepers of men’s desire. Put bluntly, if a married man pursues a single woman, it is not her responsibility to ‘think of his wife and children’, it’s his. In all likelihood, she probably isn’t capable of acting in a compassionate way towards herself, let alone anyone else, which is why she is entering into the affair in the first place.

I think this is often the case. Though not always.

Mine wasn't manipulative or abusive. I don't have low self esteem. My parents have a happy marriage and there's no cheating in my family that I know about. I don't have mh issues nor are vulnerable.

I just fell in love and couldn't see past how much I wanted to be happy in order to be objective about it.