My husband is trans ftm AMA

[WhatOnFuckingEarth]

That’s about it. My husband is a heterosexual trans man and I’m a heterosexual cisgendered woman. We have two kids conceived via IVF (aged 2.5 months and 2 years). He is 5 years on testosterone and 8 years post double mastectomy, 3 years post phalloplasty, 2 years post final genital surgery.

Oh dear! Turned into a bit of a bun fight hasn't it OP. I'd ignore the fighting if I were you.

Can you please explain the surgery?
Does he still have a virgina and an opening behind his penis? Has he had his womb and all the internal female reproductive organs removed? Does he need smear tests? What about testosterone, will he have to take hormones for his whole life?

Why has this AMA thread suddenly turned into a lecture about transwomen courtesy of the regular FWR posters?

My question to you OP, apologies if I've missed a similar answer:

Do you understand why many women have concerns about the political trans rights agenda and the attempt to prioritise gender identity over biological sex?

@AlphabetABC My husband got testosterone through the NHS, however he had his surgeries funded privately through savings. He put away money monthly from his salary.
@Tallace No
@MonsteraCheeseplant He hasn’t however it is something he will likely do in the future.
@LonginesPrime
This is dh’s worst nightmare! He tends to just homily play along. Many a time I’ve changed the subject 😁
@ShouldWeChangeTheBulb My husband and I found that JK Rowling didn’t seem to have as much knowledge as she thought about trans people and transitioning. She made some very flippant comments.

OP, how demanding have the procedures been on his physical health, and does he have follow up check-ups from staff who understand his exact status?

I am generally concerned that in the trans women are women stuff, the unique health situation of post-transition patients may be lost. Healthwise, I don't think transwomen or transmen should be bodged into the woman or the man box for the purpose of interpreting screening data.

Sorry, where did you say she can use it to describe herself? Your post said

I have made several posts. The one you are referring to was responding to someone responding to my previous post.

@Ereshkigalangcleg

Sorry, where did you say she can use it to describe herself? Your post said

I have made several posts. The one you are referring to was responding to someone responding to my previous post.

Aah, so not in the post that I quoted and you responded to then. Ok.

It's funny how the people who know trans people have no issues, yet those who don't know trans people have plenty of issues. There's a word for that - ignorance. Bollocks!

I have issues with TRA doctrine.

I have more than one long term trans friend, both ftm and mtf.

I am not ignorant.

I am more open minded than many and don't claim to have all of the asnwers, but maybe to have asked most of them!

You made yourself look daft with that post!

Worse you undermine a thread where many posters are freely exchaning views without all that uber defensive, smug twaddle!

They do change sex though. Not their genetic makeup, but they do change sex.

How does someone ‘change sex’ if their genetic makeup remains unaltered? I’d very much like you to explain your understanding of how an actual change of biological sex would be enacted.

People can alter their gender. That’s why the Gender Recognition Act is thus named (as opposed to being the ‘Sex Recognition Act’)

Aah, so not in the post that I quoted and you responded to then. Ok.

Perhaps you can keep up with what's already been discussed? Rather than jump in with false assumptions?

It's funny how the people who know trans people have no issues, yet those who don't know trans people have plenty of issues. There's a word for that - ignorance.

I know two ftm trans men and whilst I like them as people, my private thoughts are that they are not men and never can be biologically male. I didn’t know either were trans men when I met them, assuming one was a “butch” woman and the other an “effeminate” man. I couldn’t have dated either of them and felt “straight” or been attracted to them because although they have had surgery and testosterone therapy, dress like men, have facial hair, male haircuts, low voices etc, no breasts and a phallus through surgery, they aren’t fully male to me and both still have a female look to them. And I’m attracted to biological males. I like to know that through sex my male partner can climax, that’s really important to me.

Now, I’m only saying this because it’s anonymous and my private thoughts. I like both the transmen I know as people. I’m happy for them that they are in lovely relationships and have children. But I don’t personally believe they have changed sex (because scientifically it’s not possible) and I see them as transmen, not men.

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras
@Ohfudgeit
Oh my goodness. Offence where none was meant. As someone, who has a massive scar and will soon have another, I was meaning it in the painful rather than in the OMG that looks awful kind of way. I consider my surgeries and scarring terrible because I have terrible pain from it and because of the very very long recovery period. Two surgeries and a third to go. Hopefully this one won’t fail.

I think it is very much worth highlighting to ftm transsexuals, especially young people what creating a penis may entail for them. Pain, tightness, physical rejection of the newly created penis (I mean operative failure, rather than psychological although I suppose that may happen?), dissatisfaction and other things I’m not aware of...

Why oh why is it necessary to character assassinate me - I’m talking about fudgeit - rather than ask what I mean and why I posted? This is AMA is it not?

@Ereshkigalangcleg

Aah, so not in the post that I quoted and you responded to then. Ok.

Perhaps you can keep up with what's already been discussed? Rather than jump in with false assumptions?

Or perhaps you could respond to quoted posts rather than make snarky comments that were actually inaccurate? IE " I said that if you read my post" when what you actually should have said was " I've said that in my other post" (if you actually did say it in another post)

Hey OP, thank you so much for this thread, it's been very informative and any question I would have asked has been answered.

I just wanted to say that I have no problem with the way two people choose to live, as long as you DH and kiddo's are happy it's nothing to do with anyone else. My ONLY concern is self ID and that it leaves females in a vulnerable position. I like the fact that currently you have to have psychological assessment before you can transition because it protects the vulnerable from predators or unstable people. I wish you and your family all the best.

My husband and I found that JK Rowling didn’t seem to have as much knowledge as she thought about trans people and transitioning. She made some very flippant comments

What do you think are the key things she has failed to understand?

Thank you

I would see two different states. Transgenderism and transexualism. The former, the FWR crew seem to take issue with. The latter perhaps not so much, apart from the die hards. Oh you raging transphobe!! Stonewall would re-educate you in a trice!

And The FWR Crew WTF is that?

Again, you sound daft!

Yes, I did Hooves. Feel free to go back and look. It would have probably been best to read the posts it was in response to, before jumping in with a false assumption that you couldn't be bothered to check, to avoid making yourself look foolish, but you do you. Not engaging with this.

[quote Mummyoflittledragon]@Hearhoovesthinkzebras
@Ohfudgeit
Oh my goodness. Offence where none was meant. As someone, who has a massive scar and will soon have another, I was meaning it in the painful rather than in the OMG that looks awful kind of way. I consider my surgeries and scarring terrible because I have terrible pain from it and because of the very very long recovery period. Two surgeries and a third to go. Hopefully this one won’t fail.

I think it is very much worth highlighting to ftm transsexuals, especially young people what creating a penis may entail for them. Pain, tightness, physical rejection of the newly created penis (I mean operative failure, rather than psychological although I suppose that may happen?), dissatisfaction and other things I’m not aware of...

Why oh why is it necessary to character assassinate me - I’m talking about fudgeit - rather than ask what I mean and why I posted? This is AMA is it not?[/quote]
Because you asked about terrible scarring - that's a value judgement that you are making about someone else's body.

It's fine to comment on your own body but I don't think it's fine to comment negatively about something in general.

You've labelled scars as terrible because you find your own terrible. I find that hurtful same as I'd find someone fat shaming in general because they disliked their own weight.

You really need to be honest with your children from the very beginning about the circumstances of their conception. It’s well known now that donor conceived children need to know this information their whole lives.

I find it very difficult to imagine the lack of sexual response and having sex with a person with no sexual response. This seems like an enormous thing to have lost for the sake of having a created penis and I think this will cause psychological problems further down the line for him.

Please stop calling me daft. Thanks. I would, if you'd stop posting in that quite childish manner!

Oh dear!