I’m a lesbian, AMA

[Ichayetheneu]

Go for it!

How depressing if this turns in to a trans-bashing thread

No trans bashing from me or anyone else that I can see. Just bemused that the OP is brushing under the carpet the biggest thing happening to lesbians right now - wholesale lesbian erasure and outrageous levels of homophobia.
From the posts thought it is very clear that the OP has very much bought in to gender sterotypes so I do not know why I am surprised.

I'm sorry I keep jumping in here, OP.

Oh Captain, this is something I really don't get as well. OP is taking about her own experience. I'm talking about my own experience, in what sounds like similarly LGBTQ+ heavy circles. Sure, the cotton ceiling and some more extreme views are being bandied about online, but in the real world, at least for me, it's really not that big of an issue. Why does the OP, and why do I, have to make up some awful experiences to appease your world view? I don't have them. I don't see TW forcing anybody to sleep with them. I don't see lesbians frothing at the mouth because of the inclusion of trans people. I have had a TW come on to me. I said no... We left it there! We're still friends! Or would you rather I said she was horrible to me?

Have you experienced dirty looks or words while out with your wife and child/children? During this lockdown? ’

Not that I’ve noticed but we are in a city with a massive LGBTQ population and LGBTQ families.
In general we do get some hassle and negative comments about our family, sometimes from people who are okay with us being gay ( not asking for your permission but still) but not that we had kids or got married. Or people who say well - you aren’t REALLY married etc.or but you CHOSE not to have a father for your children blah blah blah or WHERE is the ‘father’ ( spoiler, there isn’t one)
These days it tends to be more subtle, in the old days it was literally people shouting ‘dykes’ if we held hands in public.

I’m in a happy relationship now but one thing I’ve always wondered, is how do you meet other women who are gay?

(I’m bisexual who prefers women)

Did you like the new L word?

Why does the OP, and why do I, have to make up some awful experiences to appease your world view?

What?

Show me where anyone has asked you to make up an awful experience?

Do you understand that just because something doesn’t happen to you doesn’t mean it’s not real?

I’ll say the same about you as I have about OP. You don’t “represent” anyone but yourself. And if you haven’t experienced it then I’m happy for you. But don’t dismiss it as something ‘online’.

That’s a pretty disgusting attitude to have toward the treatment of women.

@koshkatt I don’t want to get into an argument here as I have gender critical views myself, however - the OP can’t win.

People like @MikeBawldwinsBras are saying she shouldn’t have started this thread because she can’t speak for all lesbians.

Others are saying the OP MUST give her opinion on trans issues, because she is a lesbian, so she must therefore have some position on it, AS A LESBIAN.

I think this is pretty unfair, and you’re also crowding out the opportunity for her to answer posters like @krustykittens who had genuine questions about how to support her daughter coming out. That’s a shame.

Do you consider that you've lost your virginity if you've never had a penis inside you? Serious question, I've always want to know.

a certain logo or brand
This is interesting. Can you tell us what the lesbian brands are?

"But denying the existence of very dangerous behaviour and attitudes toward lesbians is either naive or posted with an agenda."

I do not have experience, nor have I seen, dangerous behaviour or attitudes towards lesbians. At least not from trans people. I do not have an agenda. I am not naive. I am aware there are some more extreme views coming from certain people. However, it's a select few, online voices, which do not represent the majority OF people in the real world.

OP was asked a question, she answered. But apparently that's not good enough because she's supposed to have seen dangerous, frightening trans people lurking all over the place.

@HaroldBishopsMemoryLoss.

So odd that you'd think i'm trying to silence OP. How would I be silencing them? MN would never delete the thread and they'll be plenty of people thinking 'ooh that's unusual being a lesbian....' and having a question which to me, is bizarre that they think 'lesbians' are different and that this one lesbian can answer their question about lesbians as a group.

That is weird and a bit 'offensive' to me. But still, that's just me and not representative of an entire group.

Others are saying the OP MUST give her opinion on trans issues, because she is a lesbian, so she must therefore have some position on it, AS A LESBIAN

Harold I think that the problem is that she has pretended that it is not happening and it is. Posters are wondering why she would sell other lesbians down the river in this way. Especially so since she has set herself up as a lesbian spokesperson in the way that she has.

I am dubious about the whole thread tbh but that's another story entirely.

Funny how standing up for (lesbian) women is interpreted as being 'anti trans' isn't it Smile?

Most lesbians don't need standing up for.

I’m in a happy relationship now but one thing I’ve always wondered, is how do you meet other women who are gay?

I met my wife through work, but previous girlfriends - through friends, through personals, in a bar. My BF met her mrs on Guardian Soulmates - as did some other couples I know, I’m in a LGBt book from day we’ve had romances there, in the LGBT family grp I’m part of loads of single parents have got together and this a dating app that’s just for women seeking women which lots of mates use as it weeds out the hetie couples looking for a ‘third’ ( mostly!)

Did you like the new L word?

I did - wasn’t sure what they would do with it but I still have a massive Bet crush and lived it! Thank god Jenny’s dead and couldn’t be resurrected, most annoying character ever. Plus it was good to see women have realistic sex - like the period sex scene...

@koshkatt
How is it 'selling lesbians down the river' to give her own, perfectly real, world view? OP has not experienced the same issues with trans people that you want to hear. That's her experience! That's my experience!

Can you please tell me what I'm/the OP is supposed to have said?
" Well, I haven't experienced any issues, and I have many trans and nb friends. Everyone gets along fine. Oh I do know that there are some extreme voices online though. They are obviously much more valid than anything I have seen as a real world lesbian with real world LGBT friends and real world, first hand experience of the issues. "

That better?

@MikeBawldwinsBras She has repeatedly said she’s not trying to speak for a whole group, just her own experience.

And again - lesbians ARE a minority. That’s a demographic fact. So statistically, yes, their experience IS unusual.

Still - please do continue tell her she has no right to speak about her experiences on the internet.

Interestingly, quite a few people have directly refuted your persistent claims that no one would be interested in this thread’. But it’s very difficult for them to be heard because of your constant posts claiming her AMA is of no interest.

I'm a lesbian and I've encountered the cotton ceiling twice irl, on two separate occasions. Both were quite vile, aggressive and nasty.
I have also always mixed with trans people in the community for decades, and have been good friends with over the years.
Both situations exist.

Most lesbians don't need standing up for

In the current climate, I disagree.

Sorry op my last post wasn't a question. Have you got any single friends in their 40's? 😁

Brilliant thread thanks op. Not sure if it’s been asked but do you think lesbians get bad press (so to speak) compared to gay men? Gay men normally being portrayed as flamboyant and fun (my gay best friend is the absolute opposite of the stereotype tbf and very few people suspect he is gay).

Also, I have a friend who I know is a lesbian (we’ve been friends forever but less close the older we have got ) it’s fairly common knowledge that she is but she seems reluctant or scared to tell me. If I mention our love lives she changes the subject Or mutters that it’s complicated but as far as I’ve heard she’s out. Makes me think she thinks I’m homophobic or will judge (and I really really wouldn’t)- any thoughts?

🙋‍♀️ also a lesbian who has never experienced any issues with trans people.

Neither has my wife or any of our gay friends.

Now that's not to say nobody has ever experienced issues with trans people but I don't think it's as a big a thing as some like to make out.