I’m a lesbian, AMA

[Ichayetheneu]

Go for it!

I am also v grateful that Jenny isn't back! I'm still in love with Shane.

Fucking Jenny. So glad she's dead.

I miss Dana

However, it's a select few, online voices, which do not represent the majority OF people in the real world.

What is with the obsessive and false insistence that it only happens online?

There are people on the thread literally saying it’s happened to them in real life.

Again, (because apparently it needs to be repeated) just because YOU didn’t experience it, doesn’t mean it ONLY happens online.

Do you genuinely not understand that because if so, I’ll admit I don’t know how to discuss something with someone so...limited, let’s say.

Another Lesbian here, lived in 6 major cities now and have a large lesbian friendship group and also never ever seen or heard of an issue with trans women in real life.

maybe people have come across some idiots IRL who happen to be trans..that doesnt make it an agenda by the whole trans community.

‘Do you consider that you've lost your virginity if you've never had a penis inside you? Serious question, I've always want to know.’
Yes, yes and yes! I have had AMAZiNG sex with women, and gay women can enjoy penetration if that’s what they’re in to. In fact I’ e always felt a bit sorry for straight women as straight sex ( at least in fils/tv) always looks a bit shit!

Sorry op my last post wasn't a question. Have you got any single friends in their 40's? 😁
Yes!!! Get yourself on Here

OH MY GOODNESS. Sorry, my answer is still not good enough. I'll try again.

Ahem.

"Most of my friends are LGBTQ+. I know many transpeople, nb people, gays, lesbians etc. I have not experienced any issues in real life.

The only extreme views I have seen are online. Tweets and tumblrs and things. I recognise that there are other people who have experienced adverse things in real life. I can only speak for myself, and have only been speaking for myself. Other people who have experienced nasty comments from trans people exist. They are valid. They do not give people the right to label an entire group of people as predatory perverts though.

I just do not see a huge crisis happening. The whole gender thing is up in the air and confusing right now for a lot of people. People identify as all sorts of contradictory things. Young people are trying to figure themselves out. And that's OK. As long as people are understanding and kind to one another. Which in my experience, they are.

I am exasperated that I cannot come on this forum and share positive experiences without getting shouted down.

Dial down the drama. Nobody is shouting you down. 🙄

Glad to see that you’ve acknowledged you’re only speaking for yourself. It’s an important distinction, I think.

I'm sorry OP. I will stop replying to inflammatory people now.

I have a question! What was your experience of Sex Ed in school wrt to LGBT issues? Did they touch on it at all? I went to a Catholic school so my sex Ed was dire... I'd like to see a much more comprehensive, inclusive and consent focussed Sex Ed policy in schools. Hopefully we're getting there with new gov. policies, but I think there's a long way to go. What would you like to see in schools?

do you think lesbians get bad press (so to speak) compared to gay men? Gay men normally being portrayed as flamboyant and fun (my gay best friend is the absolute opposite of the stereotype tbf and very few people suspect he is gay).

Its swings and roundabouts as far as I’m concerned - In some ways society seems more accepting of women being bisexual at least or gay if they’re feminine but demonising them if they’re too boyish or ‘manly’ in some way. Some straight men genuinely HATE us, I’ e experienced it. As if I’m somehow a threat to their heterosexuality.
Then you have the stereotype of the fabulous gay BFF but some of the homophobia aimed at gay men by straight men is truly horrendous.
I think society and straight press wants us to put us in the categories and boxes they seems to be the acceptable face of LGBTQ life and hate when we don’t fit that.

Also, I have a friend who I know is a lesbian (we’ve been friends forever but less close the older we have got ) it’s fairly common knowledge that she is but she seems reluctant or scared to tell me. If I mention our love lives she changes the subject Or mutters that it’s complicated but as far as I’ve heard she’s out. Makes me think she thinks I’m homophobic or will judge (and I really really wouldn’t)- any thoughts?
I have no idea! Usually I would say That it’s her not you but in my experience ( and I know I did this) it’s the fear of being rejected that keeps people from telling someone. And for LGBTQ people that’s a very real possibility, you honestly don’t know how someone would react.

What was your experience of Sex Ed in school wrt to LGBT issues? Did they touch on it at all? I
Absolutely NON existent. Catholic school, and gay people were never mentioned. They didn’t exist when I was a teenager. I’m embarrassed to say that I did t even know being gay was an option, I just lived in this miserable space where I wasn’t attracted to boys and there was no alternative, until I left and moved to London. And then suddenly I realised I wasn’t weird or odd, I was gay! And it was allowed! And I could kiss girls and be happy...

As a Bi woman I often feel that I am not accepted within the lesbian world. It feels like there has been a view that I would go back to men and that is a blocker What has been your experience of how Bi women have been accepted or not. To add talking to Bi men they feel accepted by gay men but not straight women

I did mention this earlier in posts, there is a perception that bi women are suddenly ‘straight’ if they’re with a guy or that it’s the easier option being with a man if you’re a bi woman - have you seen Trigonometry on BBC or Feel Good on C4? Both touch on Bi women and are excellent.

‘. What would you like to see in schools?’

As regards to schools just some age appropriate sex Ed around LGBTQ relationships- in primary that is literally, some families have 2 mums or 2 dads, some girls have a girlfriend instead of a boyfriend.
In secondary and older the same PSHE that is taught for hetero relationships around safe sex, attitudes, consent etc.

Do straight men tried to ‘turn you’?

*Have

@Ichayetheneu thank you so much for your honesty. With regards to my lesbian friend I’ll just continue to wait it out. Ironically I love her to bits but I suppose other people may not have been so supportive. Makes no difference to me, but when she asks about my Dh it would be nice to reciprocate!

Another question if that’s ok? Do you often find straight women assume you’re coming on to them when you’re just being a friend? Also how (if at all) does it impact on your children at school etc? Do the other kids/parents notice or care?

@ich

I hope my question isn't offensive as I really don't mean for it to be.

I've always wondered why lesbian women dress manly and have men haircuts, men clothes etc.
I get confused as to whether they are women who are happy being women and fancy women, or a woman who wants to identify as a man, but calls themselves a lesbian?
I know quite a few lesbian couples and one of them always resembles the appearance of a man, and I've always wanted to ask why? But don't want to offend them

Do straight men tried to ‘turn you’?
Fucking endlessly when I was younger! I shared a house with a load of straight girls for years so was around straight men more than I would have liked at times! Or wanting me to sleep with the girlfriends. I never understood it, I had blokes who wouldn’t have looked twice at me under normal circs trying it on. Occasionally happens now still but one of the massive advantages of turning 40 that I wasn’t expecting was suddenly being invisible to straight men! Plus with a wife and kids and loads of gay friends the only straight guys I really see these days are dads at school or married to my mates.

Do you often find straight women assume you’re coming on to them when you’re just being a friend? Occasionally, which I find annoying but I’m old enough and wise enough to realise that’s their issue not mine and intend to have little to do with them. I had one work colleague who was incredibly, and hilariously, self conscious about being alone with me even in a meeting room at the end of a meeting and it became a bit of an office joke.

Also how (if at all) does it impact on your children at school etc? Do the other kids/parents notice or care?
We live in Brighton&Hove in a MC area and haven’t had a single thing said to the kids. The school they go to had kids from LGBTQ families there 30 years ago and there are at least another half a dozen rainbow families at the school that I know of.
We’re incredibly lucky, and I know our town is the exception and not the rule.

That’s really good- a girl in my ds’s class has two mums and not many people mix with them in the playground which I find sad as their dd is the loveliest kid (she is apparently my ds’s girlfriend they both tell me) but I’m in quite a low income area where there are lots of ‘traditional’ ideas iyswim

I've always wondered why lesbian women dress manly and have men haircuts, men clothes etc.
I get confused as to whether they are women who are happy being women and fancy women, or a woman who wants to identify as a man, but calls themselves a lesbian?

Er, do they?? I don’t. My wife doesn’t. You’re talking about a butch stereotype, which means you’re only noticing one ‘flavour’ of gay woman. We come in all shapes, sizes, haircuts and colours. I’ve been told I don’t look ‘gay’ but my response would be - I do look gay, because I am gay and this is what some lesbians look like.
The women you know aren’t trying to be men, they’re women who like short hair And trousers.

’That’s really good- a girl in my ds’s class has two mums and not many people mix with them in the playground which I find sad as their dd is the loveliest kid’

Yeah, people really are shit sometimes. I know families who live in towns around here who have had playground ostracism because they’re two mums. Not fair on the kids because in my experience children aren’t homophobic in the same way they aren’t born racist.
Occasionally one of the DCs friends will ask - why are you married to a woman? And I always say the same thing - you’re supposed to marry the person you love the most and I love Mrs Ichaye the most out of everyone.

Are you keen to get back to work?

Sorry , I thought you said Thespian