I’m a lesbian, AMA

[Ichayetheneu]

Go for it!

Do you like any ‘traditionally’ male things like football?

Do you like any ‘traditionally’ male things like football?

Thing is, I ( and my wife, gay friends ) have a different perception of what ‘male’ and ‘female’ things are. There are no blue or pink jobs in our house - we split chores and tasks along skill set not gender. So I watch women’s footie but not men’s usually, though I LOVE rugby, I’m very handy with engines and mechanical stuff, I’m a tech geek and like gaming too, I’m not really into ‘girly’ things like hair and make up though will dress up for work stuff and wear make up on a night out.
I’ve always thought of myself a a ‘mix’ of girl and boy ( but then most people are probably). Straight male friends have said I’m like a bloke that they can talk to about emotions ( I think that’s supposed to be a compliment!), but I’m not blokey in person.

‘What is your definition of lesbian? I thought lesbians were attracted to women (as in biological females) How do you square this with lesbians who sleep with trans women.....do you think they are actually bisexual instead?‘

I worked with a lot of LGBT grps, young people and LGBTQ families, am involved in the LGBTQ community and through this and life experience I have learned that it’s not up to me to decide someone’s sexuality.
I call myself queer, gay and lesbian. I identify as a lesbian because I have only ever been sexually and romantically attracted to women and have only had intimate relationships with women.
I don’t look at some 30 year old woman who has just come out as lesbian and tell her actually, you say you’re a lesbian but you’re not because you had a boyfriend first or you’ve split up from your husband. Your actually bi. That’s up to her to decide who she is and what she wants to call herself.
I’m not the sexuality police.

I don’t sleep with ‘penis holders’ so your comments are irrelevant to me. And I would hate for this to turn into a trans bashing thread, so like I said, it’s not up to me to define anyone else’s sexuality.
I’m a lesbian, AMA.

It’s not harder for me, I’m a lesbian. But like I said it’s not up to me or anyone else ( gay or straight) to tell someone what they are, what they call themselves or who they can or can’t sleep with.

And as far as I can tell one-one is going after gay men shouting’ Bisexual not a real gay’ for not declaring they would never ever sleep with a trans man because they’re trans.

What are your thoughts on the 'cotton ceiling' issue?Is it even a thing you buy into

I had a straight, feminist friend ‘explain’ this to me... in the LGBTQ community it’s is NOT a thing. Trans women are not trying to get into our knickers and force us to have sex with their penises and calling us transphobic if we say no thanks

This is not true - it is happening and it is vile. Lesbians are being attacked for not being 'inclusive' in their choice of sexual partner. Men can NEVER be lesbians as to be lesbian is to be same sex attracted.

I wonder what your agenda is that 1. you would 'host' this chat and 2. that you would deny that this is happening to the lesbian community.

Possibly a really silly question and please ignore if so...

Is there an equivalent to a ‘top and bottom’ lesbian ?

Are straight people seriously berating a lesbian for not being a good Enough lesbian

The madness never ends.

My question, OP, do you get tired of straight female feminists constantly claiming to speak on behalf of lesbians?

How do you know the women posting about the cotton ceiling are straight @Whichroomtovisit?

FWIW Which I am impressed with your ability to tell who is straight/gay/bi just from anon internet posts. Posters on here are not necessarily female either so stop making silly assumptions.

x post OhCaptain

(I love Walt Whitman!)

Why would a lesbian feel the need to ask another lesbian a question on the basis that they are a lesbian?
I’ve stumbled onto those trans threads before, where people openly talk about being straight but doing it ‘for the lesbians’.

Thanks @Ichayetheneu for answering the Qs so fully.

I knew you weren’t a troll, and just thought this would be an interesting AMA to offer, which it is.

One or two people above asked how is this noteworthy enough to become an AMA? But lesbians are a minority group and don’t, as you say, have the social advantages that straight people take for granted. So yes - I think that’s a very valuable AMA to share.

I'm with you whichroom

How depressing if this turns in to a trans-bashing thread. FWIW, I'm bisexual, leaning towards women. I interact with many trans people, gay people, lesbians, nb people, etc every weekend. Noone is bothered. Noone is forcing anybody to sleep with anybody. Noone cares what anyone calls themselves. Do views on gender and sex differ? Sure. But we all rub along fine.

Maybe some people just enjoy frothing at the mouth.

Anyway, OP, what's the 'scene' like around you? 2 lgbt venues and one (the only) youth club has closed in the town I'm from. It's looking a bit sparse and lonely over there.

I might be being dim but i'm not sure what i'm supposed to ask a lesbian or why i'd be expected to have questions?

What is your advice for a gay teenager living rurally, who really wants to meet other gay people with a view to having a relationship but is terrified of being outed at school where she is already being bullied and really doesn't want to give the bullies another stick to beat her with? Asking for my daughter, who doesn't know where to start meeting other gay teenagers locally and doesn't want her whole social life to have to revolve around a city an hour and a half away!

(BTW town I'm from is not the same as where I live now - lot more vibrant here!)

Cuts really affected the youth group and it was such a shame to see it go.

For what it’s worth, I am a bit mystified by my own sexuality. I think if I’d have been young now (am early 40s), things might’ve turned out very different. I think I must be bisexual, and would have ‘known’ that more fully if I was young now.

But it barely even registered to me in the 90s as a teenager. I just knew that I thought about things that other ‘straight’ girls maybe didn’t. I still don’t know what will happen to me in the future.

Sexuality as you say is indeed very complex.

medium.com/@mirandayardley/girl-dick-the-cotton-ceiling-and-the-cultural-war-on-lesbians-and-women-c323b4789368

Great article. By a brilliant transwoman.

@MikeBawldwinsBras if that’s the case then clearly this particular AMA is not of interest to you and that’s fine. I wouldn’t click on ‘I live on an island off mainland America, ask me anything’ as I guess it just doesn’t hold much interest for me. No need to assume your interests or non-interests speak for everyone.

FWIW, I'm bisexual, leaning towards women. I interact with many trans people, gay people, lesbians, nb people, etc every weekend. Noone is bothered. Noone is forcing anybody to sleep with anybody. Noone cares what anyone calls themselves. Do views on gender and sex differ? Sure. But we all rub along fine

Your experience is not that of all lesbians sadly.