I’m a lesbian, AMA

[Ichayetheneu]

Go for it!

@krustykittens yes I can see that despite it being 2020, it’s still not necessarily ‘easy’.

HaroldBishopsMemoryLoss

It really isn't and the homophobic language and abuse chucked around by some of these kids is horrendous and the school can't seem to stop it. They already make her life miserable and she is worried that if they find out she is gay, the abuse will get even worse. As she doesn't know any other gay people, she feels very isolated.

Do you think it’s not a bit unfair to insist a lesbian talk about trans issues when she just wants to talk about her experience of being a lesbian? Don’t get me wrong, many of my perspectives are gender critical, but it’s a bit unfair insisting all lesbians have to answer questions on trans issues. You could (if you wanted) argue that by letting the trans debate overtake everything, it really is crowding out the space for lesbians.

Is there an equivalent to a ‘top and bottom’ lesbian

For some couples yes, most of the livers I’ e had it’s been pretty flexible and there’s not been a ‘top’ or ‘ bottom’ more of a taking turns at ahem, ‘leading’ things...

‘ My question, OP, do you get tired of straight female feminists constantly claiming to speak on behalf of lesbians?’

I do when they go on about it with theories while ignoring my actual experiences, yes

Anyway, OP, what's the 'scene' like around you? 2 lgbt venues and one (the only) youth club has closed in the town I'm from. It's looking a bit sparse and lonely over there.

I’m in Brighton& Hove so it’s less of a scene and more of an entire city sometimes... that being said there’s on a couple of actual ‘lesbian’ places left now which is a bit of a shame but there’s a lot of mixed gay venues and most bars are v gay friendly

I might be being dim but i'm not sure what i'm supposed to ask a lesbian or why i'd be expected to have questions?
You’re not so feel free to pass on by. I had nothing to ask the celeb nanny so didn’t!

@krustykittens I really feel for your daughter. When girls at school found out I was (a lesbian? Bisexual? Wasn't quite sure at the time), it was hell. They threw my PE kit in the toilet, harassed me in the changing rooms, pushed me in to bushes, etc. When I told the PE teacher, she told me I should get changed in the toilet. Not a word to the other girls.

I know that's probably not helpful, but it does get better with age. Tumblr helped...
Really do keep pushing on the school though. Has she got a supportive teacher anywhere in the school she can talk to?

What do you want to be asked?

Another lesbian here and I want to add that you’re either very naive or blatantly lying if you think the cotton ceiling isn’t an issue and that transwomen aren’t putting pressure on lesbians to sleep with them.

Maybe you’re not seeing it because you’re married but it’s happening. I’ve been called a vaginaophile (wtf does that even mean) for saying I wouldn’t sleep with someone that has a penis. Been told I can’t be a lesbian if I won’t sleep with a pre-op transwoman and been told I’m no longer welcome in the LGBT community for daring to exclusively be attracted to the same sex NOT the same gender.

Lesbian erasure is a huge issue right now, don’t deny it!

@HaroldsBishopsMemoryLoss.

I think it's good to query why a) being a lesbian would be so 'alien' as to invite questions.

And b) why one lesbian would be representative of a very diverse group and therefore able to give relevant responses representing an entire group.

Which is what these threads always result in.

Do you have/want children?

I’ve just read comments, why do you think gender has a place in what defines a same-sex relationship? Gender is entirely based on sexist stereotypes. If you’d be open to a transwoman, you’re bisexual but attracted to Stereotypically feminine attributes.

I’ve always thought of myself a a ‘mix’ of girl and boy ( but then most people are probably).

Well yes - most of us have traits that match both female & male sex stereotypes, which is why the whole concept of gender is essentially misogynist nonsense.

Another lesbian here and I want to add that you’re either very naive or blatantly lying if you think the cotton ceiling isn’t an issue and that transwomen aren’t putting pressure on lesbians to sleep with them.

YES. This.

How depressing if this turns in to a trans-bashing thread. FWIW, I'm bisexual, leaning towards women. I interact with many trans people, gay people, lesbians, nb people, etc every weekend. Noone is bothered. Noone is forcing anybody to sleep with anybody. Noone cares what anyone calls themselves. Do views on gender and sex differ? Sure. But we all rub along fine.

This!

(From a bi male married to a hetero woman with at least one gay child, trans friends and Uncle Tom Cobly and all.)

@MikeBawldwinsBras That’s rather naive and lacking in empathy. As I said above, being a lesbian means you are a minority. See @krustykittens’s daughter’s experience of being bullied. Or @Dommina’s.

A thread like this could be a supportive place to share experiences or ask for advice. But you ahead and say there’s no need for it, that’s fine.

What is your advice for a gay teenager living rurally, who really wants to meet other gay people with a view to having a relationship but is terrified of being outed at school where she is already being bullied and really doesn't want to give the bullies another stick to beat her with?

Is there a local online LGBtQ grp she could get involved with? Or a support grp on MeetUp for her so she can talk to other gay teens? That would be my first port of call. It does get better, it really does, that would be my main advice to her.

Do you want/ have kids?
Yup, got two of the little darlings with my wife.

I’ve just read comments, why do you think gender has a place in what defines a same-sex relationship?
No I don’t actually - I was trying to answer a q from someone about ‘male’ traits

@Jsiosos this is exactly the problem! Who are you to define what other people call themselves? How rude! How presumptuous! If you want to call yourself a lesbian and don't wish to sleep with TW, that's absolutely fine. It's none of your business what other people do! It's as bad as the 'gold star' cliche thing. Slept with a man? You're not really a lesbian! Tosh and rubbish.

People just spend far too much time online. That's my take.

What are you trying to achieve from this? Do you think you represent all lesbians or are you just attention seeking?

Is the poster saying they’re in NYC AMA representing all of NYC? No, they’re not.
Ask what you want and I’ll answer based on my experience, not interested then don’t ask a question.
But I don't understand why you would get a angry at an AMA post that doesn’t interest you.

@HaroldBishopsMemoryLoss An 'i'm a lesbian, AMA' thread is never going to be about support.

It's saying 'I am different to you so ask me about it'.

There are thousands of support threads and forums for people from 'minorities' as you say, to be supported.

This isn't one. This is saying 'I am different, ask me how i'm different and what I think about stuff'.

That's not seeking support, that's seeking questions from people who you've assumed think you're 'different'.

When many haven't.

And thinking your view is representative of the group you're part of. Which it won't be, it's just you/the OP.

I don't find it offensive but I find it weird.

Please stop being mean to the OP. I think that this thread has been good for a few people, me included.

Be kind didn’t last very fucking long did it?

Mikebaldwinbras the OP said that if people aren’t interested, like the celeb nanny AMA to walk on by.

Kirk or Picard?

Nobody is being ‘mean’ to the OP.

But denying the existence of very dangerous behaviour and attitudes toward lesbians is either naive or posted with an agenda.

“Oh, it’s doesn’t exist.”

Yes, actually. I think the fuck it does!

A lesbian cannot speak for ALL lesbians just like a blonde cannot speak for ALL blondes.

Have you experienced dirty looks or words while out with your wife and child/children? During this lockdown?

I mean like people assuming you're not from the same household.

@MikeBawldwinsBras you seem to have an axe to grind about what is or isn’t worthy of an AMA. Why are you trying to silence the OP?