Im becoming a surrogate, AMA

[HotPotatoBlessMySoul]

Just had first transfer in hopes of becoming a surrogate for a friend.
Ask away.

Im so thankful that this buying and selling of babies is illegal in most of europe and so many other countries.

I agree. I think gamete 'donation' should be banned, too.

I agree with AnotherEmma.

People are fairly understandably leading with their emotions here. It is indeed an emotive subject. I do think it’s getting a bit out of hand, however.

I agree with that but some of the questions are not questions at all, they're thinly veiled criticism

But isn't that to be expected on such a highly controversial topic?

And to me it's clear from the OP's answers - or lack thereof - that she simply hasn't given any thought to some of the very serious issues raised by surrogacy. I find that quite scary.

I think it's fine to criticize someone who is planning to sell a child tbh.

My questions are coming from the perspective of how vulnerable women become when they are pregnant and during childbirth and the potential for lifelong damage to the women not just physically but mentally and financially. I struggle to understand why women will risk that to provide other people with a child, particularly when those people have other options. And actually I think lots of women are unaware of the impact pregnancy and birth has on them long term. Even those who have had their own children already. Things like having to take time of work in years to come from having a vaginal prolapse. Choosing that risk for yourself to have children is one thing- choosing that risk for someone else to have children is massively different. I urge anyone who is seriously considering being a surrogate to think long term and make sure they are actually being properly compensated or are very well insured should they lose out on income in the future as a result of giving someone else a child. It really is not as simple as giving someone a gift. It potentially costs you far more than a few pairs of maternity trousers and some vitamins. Honestly. Prioritise yourself first in every discussion. That should be the starting point and reinforced at every step.

I don't think the criticism is that thinly veiled AnotherEmma! Whilst I am not convinced of the rights and wrongs of surrogacy I think the OP's done well to field as many questions as she did and as far as I can see she tackled plenty of tough questions along the way so it's not fair to claim she was just after praise. Hope you're OK OP

I also think you are wrong to ask MOTHERS what they think about having a child and giving it away for money or indeed charity.

Is that what the op’s done? She’s invited people to ask her questions and this site isn’t only for mothers.

Please reconsider doing this OP they really should not have asked, it's just too much to ask of someone.

Wtf some of you are nuts.

OP isn't going to be rich after this, she's not going to receive a huge pay check at the end of it! She's doing them a "favour" not them doing her one. Everything is above board and legal as it seems. She's sacrificing her life to give her close friends a life to make theirs complete.

OP is a carrier of the baby and wouldn't even be related to her one, of the men is the father and it's not OPs egg, so while the baby has been implanted and will grow inside of her once it's out there's no genetical link to her or the baby.

She's doing a nice thing to help others why are some of you being so nasty?

OP if you see this I want you to know you are such a strong, kind woman and I hope everything goes well.

Another question popped into my head late last night... General one, anyone feel free to answer if you know

If your friend and his husband split up, what happens if the genetic father decides he no longer wants a baby, but the non-genetic father still wants it? How does that work legally, given a surrogate baby has to be genetically related to its parent?

If your friend and his husband split up, what happens if the genetic father decides he no longer wants a baby, but the non-genetic father still wants it? How does that work legally, given a surrogate baby has to be genetically related to its parent?

If this happened before the Parental Order was made (ie before the non-genetic father is already a legal parent) then he would have to seek leave to apply for a Child Arrangements Order - but even if successful that would only mean he shares parental responsibility with the OP (rather than giving him sole PR). If he wanted to fully extinguish the PR of the birth mother then the only route available to him would be to adopt the child.

If they split up AFTER the parental order has been made, and assuming bio-Dad wants no role, then he wouldn't have to do anything. He has PR and he's already the child's legal parent.

The only way for him

Sorry I don't know where that stray 'the only way..' came from.

I should probably also say that I obviously really hope there is no family breakdown between the two fathers - hopefully this is all completely hypothetical! But that is the legal position as it stands.

Do you know what the likelihood would be of him being successful in getting a CAO? I'm just wondering on what grounds he could apply given no genetic link or pre-existing relationship with the child.

She's sacrificing her life to give her close friends a life to make theirs complete.

Can’t you see how bonkers that is? Why on earth is a woman’s life worth less than the desire of two other people to have a child?

I understand wanting to do this for your friend but I can't understand why you would do it to the child, what about their identity, their mother, the need to have you in their life? To me surrogacy is all about the grown ups.
Yes many children grow up happily with a single parent but their understanding about who is mum and who is dad - even if they are absent can be clear.
There will never be an opportunity for the child to seek a relationship with their mother because you are not viewing yourself as mother.

She's doing a nice thing to help others why are some of you being so nasty?

Yes, all about the grown ups. Who cares how the child will feel about it all, the grown ups got what they wanted?

She's doing a nice thing to help others why are some of you being so nasty?

Would you feel the same way if she gave away her existing children to make someone else happy?

It sounds like the child is very much wanted and has a loving godmother (?) to be as well as too loving parents

The child will more than likely be loved and is certainly wanted.

But this is a child who is being manufactured to meet demand. This is a foetus that will be jettisoned from the womb if it becomes unwanted stock.

That's a pretty grim way to come into the world.

I think it is fine to praise someone who does something that, short of giving up one’s life to save another, is doing the most generous and loving act for her dear friends a woman could possibly do

Furthermore, their status as stock is ratified in a contract. Fucksake.

Is it as generous when a few thousands will be hitting her account.

Goodluck op, hope it all goes well for you and the parents

I think it is fine to praise someone who does something that, short of giving up one’s life to save another, is doing the most generous and loving act for her dear friends a woman could possibly do

Such 'dear friends' that they required her to sign a contract (albeit unenforceable in law) which stipulates that she would abort the baby in her womb if it fails to meet their required standards?

Some 'friends'.

Some of these comments are either ridiculous or vitriolic. Some of you need to have a word with yourselves. probably wouldn’t say boo to a goose in real life, would you!

“Would you feel the same way if she gave away her existing children to make someone else happy?”

WTAF