Im becoming a surrogate, AMA

[HotPotatoBlessMySoul]

Just had first transfer in hopes of becoming a surrogate for a friend.
Ask away.

I know this is an AMA thread but posting this as Anna's story struck me. I have a friend who was left incontinent after birth and it has affected her life in so many ways, she has struggled to do day to day tasks with her children, if that happened as a result of a surrogate pregnancy I can't see how the friendship wouldn't be affected.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-51148421

Great. So now the surrogate groups are going to be able to advertise on Facebook and Instagram. Wonderful. So just pop it on marketplace like all the other unwanted crap.

No vulnerable people on social media. There is absolutely no way this can go wrong 😒

Not a single person has mentioned the actual babies. How they feel. The affects on them. Literally nobody is talking about the child.

Not a single person has mentioned the actual babies. How they feel. The affects on them. Literally nobody is talking about the child.

Are you reading a different thread? Lots of posters have talked about the effects on the children.

Victoria Derbyshire covered surrogacy and fb ads today if anyone wants to catch it.

purple I was talking about the VD show. They did finally go on to discuss the babies. Not by choice. It was brought up by the women's rights activist in the debate.

Not a single person has mentioned the actual babies. How they feel. The affects on them. Literally nobody is talking about the child.

Literally loads of people have used hyperbolic statements to the effect that baby will be traumatised for life and have mental health problems

This is a foetus that will be jettisoned from the womb if it becomes unwanted stock.

Like any other abortion really...

Aridane if you'd bothered to read my reply you would see I literally wasn't talking about this thread.

I was making a comment on a point repeatedly made on this thread (if you’ve read it) about how awful abortion is in the surrogacy scenario for the hapless foetus than for regular terminations

Well put, @ToooRevealing

I first want to say how strong and amazing you are for doing this for your friends. That baby is going to have so many people to love them.

Onto my questions:

• how would you feel if the fathers struggle to bond with the baby?

• do you worry that your children may resent you for giving away what they may see as a sibling?

• are you concerned that the fathers may monitor everything you do in pregnancy? (Eg what you eat)

*This is a foetus that will be jettisoned from the womb if it becomes unwanted stock.

Like any other abortion really...*

The point I was making is that this foetus is being brought into the world within the confines of a contract for ownership. That it will be aborted if they find themselves on the outside of that written contract - that's not your average abortion.

Also, will the fathers be in the room when you give birth or your husband? (Or both)

I haven't read all the most recent comments but for those who are concerned about there being no mother involved - does this mean that you don't agree with two men parenting together? Likewise lesbians as this means the baby doesn't get a father? Adoption I guess might be acceptable as in that case the child would otherwise be left in a worse situation. It's just interesting to see so many people using arguments that seem to belong to a time at least a couple of decades ago. Two same-sex parents = selfish, not meeting the needs of the child.

I am absolutely fine with two men adopting or co parenting.
I am fine with two women adopting or co parenting.

I am personally against egg, sperm and embryo donations.

*I am absolutely fine with two men adopting or co parenting.
I am fine with two women adopting or co parenting.

I am personally against egg, sperm and embryo donations.*

Thanks for replying Nomorelaundry. Again, I've not had time to read all comments and obviously there is a mix of different views here but I am guessing that your objections to surrogacy aren't to do with child welfare/ attachment issues etc? Or is it that surrogacy = transactional whereas adoption is not (hence linking back to best interests of the child)?

As with nomorelaundry, I think it is morally suspect to bring a child into a world with the intention to deprive a child of a parent. And that's the beginning and end of it. I can see how it is tacticfully useful to assume I'm a homophobic bigot and disregard my point of view but unfortunately, it's just not the case.

My objections are completely to do with the child. With the abuse to women coming second. This is why I'm against genetic donation as well.
Adoption is unavoidable. It's not ideal but unfortunately at times it is a necessity as it does put the child first albeit with recognised trauma.

I haven't really said that anyone is a homophobic bigot. I do think it's the same argument that was used to argue against gay adoption as this is seen as intentionally depriving a child of a parent. It's interesting to me to see those parallels. I think you can be against adoption or surrogacy full stop and not be homophobic, but obviously a natural consequence of that position would be to make it impossible to gay couples to become parents.

And for those who are so concerned about pp's husband and children should she suffer a horrible birth injury, what do you think about fathers who head out on a tour of Afghanistan or wherever?

My concern wasn’t for her husband and children (primarily). It’s for OP being left unable to work and support herself. Has her husband agreed to financially support and provide care for her for life if she is permanent disabled in providing a child for another family? That’s a really important detail to confirm before conceiving. A father going to Afghanistan on a tour of duty will be covered by insurance. OPs clients are very unlikely to have taken out insurance for her that will cover a lifetime of lost income. Are you really saying she shouldn’t expect, in fact, insist on some form of protection for that eventuality? Why not? Is her earning potential not worth anything? Why?

Nomorelaundry so you are absolutely fine with adoption because it's unavoidable?

obviously a natural consequence of that position would be to make it impossible to gay couples to become parents

Not really. A gay man or couple could enter into a co-parenting relationship with a female friend who wanted to become a mother but didn't want a sexual relationship with a man (due to her being lesbian or some other reason). In that way, the child would not be separated from its mother at birth and both parents would remain very much a part of the child's life.

No, I'm only saying that it's unfair to be contracted into the world to meet the needs of others. I think my point of view is similarly unfair on infertile heterosexual couples as gay couples. But I think it is important to centre the child in this equation and fairness doesn't come into it.

Not really. A gay man or couple could enter into a co-parenting relationship with a female friend who wanted to become a mother but didn't want a sexual relationship with a man (due to her being lesbian or some other reason). In that way, the child would not be separated from its mother at birth and both parents would remain very much a part of the child's life.
I guess that could work. So to use the OP's situation, instead of being the surrogate she would remain legally the baby's mother and continue to co-parent with her two friends?