I'm Barry, AMA

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

Hi there girls (or should I say ladies, I know how 'PC' you lot are).

I hear you have some questions for me? Well go ahead, I won't bite - unless you want me to, of course

Link here

BARRY!!!!!!! I can't believe I've only just seen that you're here!!!! 🤣

Raining three questions in a row! You're insatiable love, are you trying to tire me out?

Top 5 things:

1. She has to be able to make a cracking good gravy. That way, even if everything else she cooks is a bloody disaster, at least you can put gravy on it.
2. Good listener. Nothing worse than being interrupted every couple of hours!
3. Good sense of humour. Ah, that one surprised you, didn't it? But it's true. I once went out with a lady who I thought was going to be great fun, as she loved her comedy and even did a bit of stand up on the side. Turned out she didn't understand a single one of my jokes, just sat there stony faced even after I explained them to her. Hopeless.

There are two more big things, but I think you can guess those

With the next one, I just hope and pray I'm in time to save a good, hard working man from fridge roulette! Really dear, you should have bought yourself a miner's lamp in preparation for emergencies such as this. As it is, you'll have to throw yourself on the mercy of your nearest female neighbour. Explain the situation, apologise profusely for your lack of forethought and ask if she can rustle something up. Nothing fancy, just a little lamb hotpot and maybe a nice crumble. Tell Mr Raining he can thank me later!

E = MC squared is extremely important, yes. E stands for electricity, M stands for molecules, and C stands for Celsius (degrees). If you want to know how much electricity you can extract from a given substance, multiply the number of molecules by the temperature of the substance, squared. Each molecule gives up one particle of electricity, but the hotter it is, the more easily it gives it up, due to the principle of entropy. This is known as the second law of thermodynamics. Confused? Well, now you know why most scientists are men!

Shockers here I am dear, hope you haven't gone off the boil! Now, for a family of four with two strapping teens, space is going to be a premium. I suggest you get a little bit crafty, by creating an environment that will encourage your teens to bugger off and explore their surroundings at every opportunity. How? Buy any old banger, paint the inside deep red, stick a mirror on the ceiling above your bed, and tell them you're going to use the holiday to 'reconnect'. Voila! Enjoy your spacious, peaceful caravan.

Barry, how do you change a lightbulb ?

Cloud everyone thinks daylight saving was invented by farmers. Not so. If you think about it, a sheep is worth the same in daylight as it is at night, so what would be the point? Let's work this one out together, shall we? Who really benefits from that extra hour of daylight? Exactly, the salad industry. The wives finish doing their housework and go out to get the groceries. If it's dark, what do they buy? Potatoes and flour. If it's light? Bloody rabbit food. The salad industry has got its hooks deep in Westminster, so if they say change the clocks, it happens. Why do you think so many politicians are so skinny? Free salads for life, that's why.

Barry it's that kind of deep thinking and analysis that is missing from mainstream dialogue.

Anne An App? I quite like 'GeneralKnowledge'. As well as its usual meaning, it's like 'General' as in army General - a brave leader on the front line of the war against ignorance. Either that or something simple, classic and timeless, like 'God'.

Skinny politicians ?
Not in Scotland, Barry !
Have you seen ours ?

I like your App name .

Barry, you're so wise, and you know so much. Science, history.... All the subjects

Can I ask, how did you get all your knowledge? Did you go to university? What did you study?

Do you worry that someone will ask about art or sports or music and you won't know?

I think you could get your own show on LBC.

Thanks Baz for the tip about the queen and wasps. Do we need a written Constitution to clarify this stuff?

moomin OK, let's give this a go. Imagine you're hoovering your living room, and you want to go through and hoover the kitchen. At the moment, you'd just walk through the doorway, wouldn't you? Your husband might be standing there (to make sure you don't miss any spots) but he lets you through.

Now imagine that doorway is a 'hard border'. Every time you want to get through with your hoover, your poor husband has to give you a thorough search, inspect your hoover and fill in several forms. Terrible arrangement, right? You wouldn't be able to get dinner on till gone 8!

NOW imagine that when you got married, your marriage vows included a clause (the backstop) to stop such an inconvenient situation from arising, no matter what.

With me so far? Good.

At the moment, you and your husband are getting divorced (not really, don't panic! But imagine you are). He's understandably a bit cheesed off, and is considering implementing a hard kitchen border just to make sure you don't cause any more havoc on your way through. Well, luckily, you've got the backstop to prevent all that!

We just have to hope now that the EU is as reasonable and obliging as I'm sure your husband is in real life! If not - well, if Boris can't talk some sense into them, I'm afraid nobody can!

toria well, if all you ladies want to imagine what goes on after Mrs Barry finishes her cocoa, I can't very well stop you You'll notice that Freda is awfully keen though - yet another Barry who's a wizard between the sheets, clearly!

Wasps do tell on you, yes, as a matter of fact. They have an amazing memory for faces, and wasp evidence has put many offenders behind bars. Not just for treason - murder, armed robbery, even white collar crime. Scientists attach a little EEG monitor to the Wasp's head, and show it a picture of the suspect and a picture of the offence or crime scene. If the wasp displays heightened brain activity, you've got them bang to rights.

. Now I'm more confused than ever because I don't hoover my kitchen, I sweep and mop it. So what does that mean?

How does the backstop work then?

Arrrrgh! I think my head's going to explode. Or do I mean implode???

Anne now I'm not a sexist, but I do think ladies should steer well clear of changing bulbs or anything of a DIY nature. The one time Mrs Barry tried it, it was a right mess! I was away on a lads' weekend when a bulb went in the kitchen. Apparently she tried herself, but ended up getting Even Phillip in to help, and even he couldn't figure it out! By the time I got home, they were both bright red, out of breath, covered in sweat, and there was chocolate sauce and whipped cream all over the worktop for some reason. Want to know the punchline? The bulb was fine anyway!!!! So my advice would be, don't try.

Barry has brightened my week. Marvellous stuff.

Anne well if I lived in the Land of the Munchie Box, Mrs Barry would find herself with a lot more to grab hold of! They're only human after all.

Raining I have a first from the University of Life, love, and a PhD in the fairer sex

And I've not been asked a question I couldn't answer yet - it's been 67 years, so I'm not about to start worrying now!

born well this thread is a Constitution, of sorts.

What is a Munchie Box and what is in it?

What are your thoughts on Tracey Eminent Barry?

*Tracey Emin. Bloody AI again!