I'm a midwife who works in abortion care. AMA

[GlitteryPoopooplop]

Go ahead. I'll try and answer everything the best way I can. Sorry if this is boring (I love my job and can go on about it a bit.)!

[Sagradafamiliar]

Can women choose to see the screen when they have the scan or is there a policy to keep it turned away?
Thank you.

[SuckingOnDiesel]

Why do you hate the depo, out of interest? Considering it myself.

Agree with the other posters, I was treated with the upmost respect when I went through it. And you in particular sound especially lovely.

[FrankiesKnuckle]

I had a TOP in 1993. I was 17 years old. I was treated appallingly.

From the anesthetist who told me I looked like a very frightened little girl to the nurse who ignored my cries for help - coming around from the GA I had lower abdo pain and I thought I was going to soil myself. She told me it was 'just how you feel after' and to go back to sleep.
I crawled on my hands and knees to the toilet where I birthed a huge turd (I was right!) whilst I struggled with the post op sanitary towel that was tied around my waist.
I had paid for my own room yet was put in a shared room with a woman who's partner and baby (I guess just around 1) came to visit. I mean, really?

Awful, awful experience - not for one moment am I ashamed of the termination or my decision, I'm very open about it. But the staff were just awful.

I wish you had been around then OP, you sound lovely and caring.

[BayandBlonde]

@GlitteryPoopooplop I was 18 at the time and 16 weeks, I don't even recall having the scan. Is it possible they did it while I was under?

The aftercare was pretty much non existent, I came around, they fed me, I called my lift and they sent me home. It was very matter of fact. I didn't have any follow up appointments.

I wish I had a midwife like yourself

[12pinkchairs]

This is so interesting OP, thank you

[ImTheRealHFella]

Sending hugs and flowers of appreciation for what you do.

I had to have a TFMR and I tried to brave it out. I had the loveliest and most gentle care and you are all fabulous people.

I took the ante natal midwife who took my through the worst month of my life with compassion and understanding a rose to plant as a thank you when I left the hospital with the rainbow baby we waited so long for.

Your colleagues made the most frightening, guilt inducing time of my life more bearable and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[hellenbackagen]

Thanks op
Yes it was nhs. 2016.. I was 15 weeks . Cvs confirmed baby girl (whom I named Rosie) had a chromosome disorder.

She had a funeral and for that I'm very grateful to the nhs. But my care was awful. I didn't complain. I felt like I deserved it for what I was doing. Maybe now I'd have made different choices.

[barryfromclareisfit]

OP, please continue to love them. They need love so much when they find themselves needing to terminate a pregnancy.

[hellenbackagen]

I was 13 weeks when I found out. I was still told I was too far for surgical which I found out later was not true. I found a Marie stopes who would do surgical but got talked out of it by a midwife who said medical management was kinder for the baby .
Now I'm not sure that was true. It was a long day. I threw up all day and had to shit in a bowl while dp sat next to me. Medical management. Never ever again would I do that . It was degrading and cruel.The one time I refused to use the commode she came. And my telling off began.
It was shit.

[InglouriousBasterd]

BayandBlonde - my mum was a midwife many moons ago and said that depo was often given, unknowingly, to women who had many kids and didn’t use contraception or post termination. Awful.

[InglouriousBasterd]

OP - thank you for what you do.

[Mummatotwoxo]

What's the youngest girl you've seen?

[GlitteryPoopooplop]

@Sagradafamiliar yes they can totally see the screen. Their choice (lots of women do).

@SuckingOnDiesel I personally had a ton of side effects and didn't enjoy it. Just personal preference really!

@Mummatotwoxo I think it's 12.

@hellenbackagen you could still complain. Rosie is a beautiful name. I love it.

@BayandBlonde I doubt they'd scan you when under, just in case. But you never know!

[GlitteryPoopooplop]

@FrankiesKnuckle God, these stories are so scary. I really hope I've never made anyone feel like this. Xxx

[hellenbackagen]

Glittery
💐 x

[FamilyReferee]

Many, many, many years ago, when I was barely out of my teens, I had a TOP. The nurses at the time were very kind. Back then the only choice was surgical, so I had that done. I was asked repeatedly if I was sure, between when I was admitted, and when I went under. And as I went under, I cried quite a lot. The nurses were lovely, and reassured me all the way along, and after. Thank you for caring for women, as someone once cared for me. It makes such a difference to what is already a shit situation.

I was so scared of being judged, especially as I'd already had a delay, when the gp said they'd refer me, but didn't, and I ended up about four weeks further pregnant than I should have been. I had to go to another gp to get the referral. Even now, I worry about being judged, and barely anyone knows, even all these years later.

I don't regret having my termination, but I regret having to make that choice. I am totally pro-choice. Women need nurses like you. Thank you.

[HappybutsometimesGrouchy]

What do you think about the non-existence of abortion rights for women in NI? Do you ever get women who have travelled over from NI seeking abortions?

[hoponby]

Hi OP, tried to PM but can't seem to find the option to on the app? Would you kindly pm so I can click on the email link i would get to notify me?

A personal further back asked if the foetus was treated differently to other waste products. You said it was indeed, and treated with respect.

Without sounding awful, why is this? We shouldn't really be viewing it as a 'baby', should we?

[GlitteryPoopooplop]

@hoponby I disagree. They are babies, women know it, we know it. To say they're not would be disingenuous, and maybe a bit patronising to women. I'm not saying we hug and kiss each baby. We just don't lob them in the bin along with other clinical waste.

[SailorJerry13]

If someone wants an abortion and during the scan you see it would be a twin pregnancy - do you have to tell them?

[GlitteryPoopooplop]

@SailorJerry13 great question! We ask before each scan "do you want to see? Do you want to know if there's more than one?"

[jackparlabane]

Thank you for doing your job. My dear cousin had an abortion at 30 weeks - total anencephaly - and said the kindness of the staff made a horrible time easier.

Do you or your clinic offer a range of contraception at the same time? Or do you have to point to other services? I ask because locally services have been cut so much that it's almost impossible to get a coil or implant - it took me 4 months to get an appointment for a month later.

[Highfivemum]

Have you ever had anyone change their mind at the last minute ?
P.s thank you for being there for woman who need you at a hard time in their lives.

[GlitteryPoopooplop]

@jackparlabane yes we offer them all. I'm really really passionate about it and the amount of women we see who get pregnant in the time it takes an appointment for a coil is staggering. Some GPs seem to be so disinterested in contraception and it would save the NHS so much money if they funded it better!

[GlitteryPoopooplop]

@Highfivemum yes definitely. I gauge them when I hand them the pill. If they hesitate I will sometimes tell them to stop and think. I've sent people away to come back another day if I'm worried they're not sure. It's really hard