I'm a midwife who works in abortion care. AMA

[GlitteryPoopooplop]

Go ahead. I'll try and answer everything the best way I can. Sorry if this is boring (I love my job and can go on about it a bit.)!

[slithytove]

My opinion doesn’t matter thislido but yes, I am happy with the law as is regards limiting abortions.

If the baby feels pain to me that isn’t a reason to change the law, but change the process. Administer pain relief. Knowing the baby will never be in pain may also make the decision easier on women.

Thanks all for answering what I know for some are difficult questions.

Sorry glittery I didn’t quite understand your last answer - could a D&E be performed following feticide after 24 weeks?

[GlitteryPoopooplop]

Slithy, I'm just talking about where I work (where we do up to 24 weeks). I wouldn't want to comment about other facilities as I'm not enough of an expert and would be speculating.

The trouble is, pain relief would probably be local anesthesia which really really hurts. Feticide is very quick so it is kinder to just do that.

[slithytove]

Thank you

[GlitteryPoopooplop]

Sorry if you thought I was being obstructive. I'm not, I'm just a bit thick. X

[Roomba]

For the PP who mentioned it - I've had a pregnancy dated by vaginal examination and feeling my abdomen too, by both doctors who saw me (mid '90s). No chaperones (but female doctors). I believe this was very normal back then, I was never scanned at any point. I suspect that ultrasound technology was only available in hospitals then so used far less?

I expected to be examined before being prescribed the pill too, as a nurse told me that would be done along with checking my BP etc when it was first prescribed - but that didn't happen. I asked and the GP said recent guidelines had said that this wasn;t usually necessary, so they'd stopped doing it - but some doctors may have carried on as that's what they'd always done.

[slithytove]

You aren’t in the slightest x

[Sagradafamiliar]

The late term abortions I know of, the women were injected into the amniotic fluid, not directly into the foetus' heart so I'd imagine there was no pain involved.

[Passthecherrycoke]

Thank you for this thread and the work you and your colleagues do OP

[thislido]

Oh that’s interesting sagrada

[Smotheroffive]

@nevertol through my various gynae obs experiences I have been told expressly by various medical staff that nothing can be achieved through vaginal exam, either to 'prove' pregnancy, or whether pregnancy mc can be evidenced.

Your go needs reporting for assault. I was horrified to hear your experience.

If this was necessary then you would be/should be made fully aware of reasons and understand the need. The reason you're not is there isn't any!

[nevertol]

I've often thought that. I was in a Marie stopes abortion clinic in Birmingham in case anyone else had the same experience. I remember at the time excusing it as I had been so careless so I deserved it if you see what I mean. I think it was for dating purposes (at lest that's what he said) and I can't remember if I had a scan or not.

[nevertol]

@MimsyBorogroves I'm sorry you had the same experience. I've had nightmares about it for years. It was nothing like eg a smear exam. I felt violated.

[Smotheroffive]

mimsy and @branleuse also

[Smotheroffive]

Glittery ! Courageous act to do the AMA, conducted very professionally by you.

Much credit to you for the kind and considerate work you have done here and undoubtedly dobe during your career.

The world certainly needs more women supporting women, like you and your amazing colleagues. I can't speak highly enough of you upholding choice for women and their bodies.

I have known girls of 12,13,14,15,16....need your services. Sadly they have all been terrified, highly emotional and above all, secret.

I have know girls, labour alone in silence locked away from any support. I have helped to support others to feel emotionally supported through choice and decision made, and parents not aware.

One who laboured in secrecy at term had no idea what was happening, terrified, and delivered alone the baby of her father's rape of her, awfully deformed and unsustainable. The baby suffered desperately and died. SA in families often results in such scenarios, or forced abortion, explained as other than.

Having had to face these choices for myself was horrendous.

I have also known women kill themselves as a result of being denied abortion, they made the only choice they felt they had left.

I have got the impression from some comments that it's easy to intervene in DA situations. Actually it's quite widespread.

Even where abusers are hauled out, they don't get actions that prevent further abuse and killings, and are given the care of DC!!!

Courts too frequently advocate fathers rights over vulnerable DC. DC get killed.

These are women's 'choices'

Grateful that in this area that you work, at least, women do get choice.

[GlitteryPoopooplop]

@Smotheroffive I wouldn't say I'm courageous (unless I get outed and lose my job I guess!). Thank you for sharing your stories. The thing which really solidified my opinion about any gestation for any reason was sending a woman away who I was sure would commit suicide rather than have her baby.

I hope this thread has helped at least one person to not feel shit about themselves, or their choices. Maybe given an alternative perspective to someone. I'm sorry if I've upset anyone with my extreme views.

[GoldenPineapples]

I'd imagine the amount of women who use abortion as a form of contraception are far and few between. I mean if judgy people knew the reality of it, including what it can do to you emotionally then they wouldn't just come out with such nonsense.

When I was 20 I had a surgical abortion. I remember going to the first appointment with my mum where they asked why I wanted an abortion etc. Then on the day it happened I went alone, I didn't have a clue what was going to happen or what they were going to do (whereas now I would ask about the process and what was going to happen.)

I had to put on a gown, lay on a bed and the lady gave me a general anaesthetic injection. Next thing I woke up on a bed, slightly bleeding and not really knowing what was going on. Then I got dressed and had to go in a room, eat a plate of sandwiches then I went out and walked home.

I look back at how bizarre it was, especially as a young adult on my own. It took me a long time to get over that (because my boyfriend made me get rid of it.)

[Smotheroffive]

It's how it looks from wherenim standing OP, and having to defend your wish to stand alongside women at some of their worst times and give, not only non-judgemental, but actively supportive choice. This environment of considerate and respectful support only exists in very small pockets.

I wondered how you prevent those with the pile opposite views from getting employment in this field (I am thinking of all the activists and what lengths some will go to - you mentioned one before whibwas negatively affecting women) does this happen rarely, or do others try this?

And is the role sex protected in terms of women not having to choose medical care from women because its already provided?

Does this only happen in rape cases perhaps, or do women ever have to have male medics despite rape or PTSD situations?

[GlitteryPoopooplop]

@Smotheroffive interesting questions! I guess you develop a knack for knowing when people are truly pro choice, so you can hopefully weed most people out at interview. I've definitely worked with one person who I'm sure wasn't, she didn't last long in the job because she found it really hard to cope with.

Most poems who are nurses or midwives in this job are women, but not all. A lot of the drs are men. In cases of trauma we would do whatever we could to arrange appropriate care. I've never had a women decline our male Dr yet, even in cases of rape. But if they did, we'd rearrange the treatment for them.

[Islaofsilly]

I hope this thread has helped at least one person to not feel shit about themselves, or their choices

It has helped me OP. It has been really interesting. I also definitely now consider myself completely pro-choice whereas before I am not sure I was.

[Prawnofthepatriarchy]

I've found your AMA very interesting and I'm so glad that women and girls in need have someone as compassionate and principled caring for them. Thank you.

[Bluebelliphant]

Hi. I had a termination over 20 years ago. I've never had any regrets, I was not in the right position to bring a child into the world.

I now have 3 much wanted and loved DC.

I am grateful how things turned out.

For some reason, I have v little (next to no!) recollection about any of it. It was surgical, that's all I have ever been able to recall.

Reading this thread has made me realise that I have some unanswered questions, largely how many weeks I was. I have always wondered, but this thread has really made me think.

Do you think that is something that I could ever find out?

Thank you @GlitteryPoopooplop for your compassion and understanding. I hope I was treated by someone as kind as you.

[Smotheroffive]

Thank you again OP!

I think what I'm trying to say is whether vulnerable women are offered women medics (esp.in sensitive cases) purely because those women (and a lot of other women too) find it too confrontational to say no....so they don't actually have real choice.

Yeah, the drs are men . I have heard endlessly just on here alone [MN] the women complying with actually unwanted procedures and by the opposite sex, also unwanted.

[BusterGonad]

Thank you for this thread Op, I've never had an abortion but I did have a very premature child (28wks 1lb 10oz) and I'm pro choice.
No child should enter this world unwanted, there are far too many children who live dysfunctional lives and end up harmed, neglected, abused etc, as awful as it sounds I do think that to end a pregnancy in a humane way is by far the better option and that's before I even consider the life of the poor women who has made such a hard decision.
I know not all abortions are due to abuse, tape etc and the woman had decided it's not the right time etc and that too is up to her. Her body, her life, her right to choose.
Keep up the good work Op, you are much needed.

[MancaroniCheese]

Thank you for what you do OP.

You mentioned that you see the woman on her own and then admit whoever is accompanying her so that you can be sure she is not being forced into an abortion - if it turns out that she is, how can you safeguard her?

[ChocChocButtons]

I personally wouldn’t ever have one unless medical. I’m pro choice but I have limits but their my personal limits and I’m not about judging people who’s circumstances I’ve no idea about.

I’m just glad their are lovely people out there like you supporting women who find themselves in this situation. X