I'm a midwife who works in abortion care. AMA

[GlitteryPoopooplop]

Go ahead. I'll try and answer everything the best way I can. Sorry if this is boring (I love my job and can go on about it a bit.)!

Really interesting thread OP. Thank you for all you do for women

About 6 years ago I had a late term abortion. It was complicated but despite realising early on I was pg a series of issues delayed my appointment (it felt contrived tbh, as if my GP wanted me to "really think") so I ended up having to have a surgical procedure miles away.

I'm still 90% sure I did the right thing. The only thing that really upsets me is remembering the scan when the lady did a little "Ah!" with a big smile. It went on for about 7 minutes. I didn't know the sex, was feeling sick every time I had the butterflies of baby moving because I knew for weeks beforehand that I was getting rid of it and she was there grinning at me as if I should be so proud. I still wonder if it was a boy or a girl now because of that.

FWIW I get that a lot of people think it shouldn't be "easy" but making it additionally difficult to forget and feel worthy or having a future pg after an abortion is unnecessary. It felt all along as though people were trying to pull strings to make me change my mind, which isn't the same as being non-suggestive and quite possibly convinced me to stick to my guns more.

Sorry OP, you do in fact sound lovely and most of the staff were really kind and thoughtful. The only reason I remember this lady specifically is because it still makes me feel so bad.

I had a termination when I was 24. I had to fight to get one in the first place as the 2 uni drs I saw were trying to block me from having one. The hospital staff were rude and dismissive. It was surgical so thankfully I was put under - wasn't given an option but thankful for that. I was thoroughly traumatised and depressed afterwards for years.
So thank you for not only doing your job but specifically choosing to go into it. It's so important for women to be treated respectfully and compassionately when they are going through that.
I wish I had met someone like you when I was going through it.

@BrissieBaby that is horrible. The thing I try to keep in my head is that the tiniest little thing we do can really really affect women. I'm absolutely sure that I've probably inadvertently done something which someone will remember forever. How many weeks were you? It might be that she was looking for a specific measurement and the "ah!" was her being proud of herself for finding it? They can be hard to get sometimes. It's rare that we'd look at the sex. The only time I ever had is in a late gestation, by accident (and when I was pregnant and scanned myself 99 times).

and when I was pregnant and scanned myself 99 times
(I've always said pregnant sonographers must scan themselves a billion times!)

Have you ever had a termination yourself? Did it change the way you think about your job/terminations

@Mummatotwoxo no, I've been very very lucky in that I've only ever been pregnant when I've wanted to be. I've had the treatments (pills, d&c, MVA, retained tissue) for miscarriages though. It's actually handy because it means if people ask if I've had the treatment I can say yes (rarely happens to be honest). And I can kind of explain it from their perspective. Everyone reacts differently though, same as child birth, so I only know how my experiences went down.

Definitely a helpful insight!
What are the time lines for different methods used? (I assume gestation effects what treatment can be used)

@Mummatotwoxo yes. Early medical is up to 10 weeks. Late medical is after 10, up to 24 (but in my place its only done in one unit in the UK so doesn't get chosen much).

MVA up about about 13+ (under local or sedation) Then d&e under GA from 14 up to 24

A personal further back asked if the foetus was treated differently to other waste products. You said it was indeed, and treated with respect. Without sounding awful, why is this? We shouldn't really be viewing it as a 'baby', should we?

My DS1 was born at 24 weeks. His birth was nothing remotely related to abortion - I have a crap cervix so out he fell - but you wouldn't believe the number of people who've said to me over the years "oooh, that's the same number of weeks as the abortion limit!"

I won't go into detail about 24 week babies as I know there will be many PPs on this thread who have had abortions at varying gestations for varying good reasons, and I am very much pro choice and in respect of others' decisions, but the thought that the foetuses wouldn't be treated with respect would make me extremely sad. Thank you Glitterypoopooplop for treating them with care.

Thank you for this thread - you sound very caring and passionate about your work and I'm sure you have given many women comfort.

A very close friend of mine had to have a TFMR at 13 weeks, it was a much wanted baby and she has never fully recovered from it even though she has recently had another child. When she talks about her experience, she says that the most distressing part for her was the fact that she was basically sat in an ensuite, on a toilet with a bowl inside to catch the foetus. She says it felt so cold and clinical and made an already distressing experience even harder.

Is this a standard thing to do? Listening to her story breaks my heart.

@Thunderwing it does happen that way sometimes. People go home from our clinic to pass the pregnancy at home but if they're in the hospital it often happens on the loo because the drugs are brutal and cause terrible vomiting and diarrhoea sometimes.

I had a termination in early 2000. When I saw the dr I told him I was 7 weeks (I was very sure on conception date). The dr said he needed to carry out an internal exam. I remember it being horrific as he basically put his hand inside of me. Was this normal practice?

@nevertol I wasn't a midwife in those days but argh! That doesn't sound fun at all. I can't see that that would necessarily be needed.

No chaperone either.

Imo the law should be mega relaxed. I don't think there should be time limits, and I don't think women should HAVE to explain why or justify themselves. Obviously there would still be some regulation but there should always be the option for an abortion if its needed or wanted

So you think it’s ok to abort a baby for any reason up until when?! I’m shocked by this. And you like seeing women come back in for another Abortion ‘like a regular in a pub’ ?? I understand that the midwife should be understanding but this is surely too far!

I had a first-trimester surgical termination about 9 years ago. Despite the wonderfully caring staff it was an awful time (due to the circumstances of the conception and pregnancy) and I've blocked out most of what happened. I do have a vague memory of what the facility looked like from the outside, and I believe it was in South London somewhere. It was either a BPAS or Marie Stopes clinic. Although I was referred via the GP, I've changed GP so many times since then through various house moves that my current GP has no record of the referral. Now I'm pregnant again with a much-wanted baby and realising that I need some of the details from my termination (e.g. whether or not I was given anti-d). How long do the clinics keep hold of patient records? Wondering if it would be feasible to contact all the clinics in South London and see if anyone has me on file...

I've had two terminations and the staff were wonderful. Many thanks for what you do - it makes such a difference when this procedure is treated with respect and dignity.

@Blossom28 I didn't understand that statement either..there shouldn't be a time limit? What does that mean? A woman should be able to come for an abortion at 26 weeks? 30 weeks? 36 weeks?

And I don't agree that women should be able to come back as many times as they wish for abortions! There is obviously something wrong, if a woman keeps coming back numerous times! Do they get referred or offered any help if they are 'regulars'?

This thread is really valuable. Thank you @GlitteryPoopooplop for all you do.

@GlitteryPoopooplop I was 15 weeks. It was so frustrating because I knew so soon but the GP kept saying I 'had plenty of time to decide' and it wasn't until I broke down in tears and explained things I really didn't want to that he agreed. I haven't been back to the Dr since as I know he was so anti-abortion and he knows me know. It made the difference between taking a pill and being done and having it growing in me and moving around and growing more aware every hour.
I know the lady who smiled probably didn't think twice and was just trying to be cheerful. I think it's an extension of guilt perhaps that makes me think of her face. I think the people in the room and the pg mum are the only two who really feel the existence of the baby which is a hard thing to share when you are terminating.

My situation was such that I know I did the right thing, and this is even though I'd dearly love another child right now. If I had had that child my life would be completely different right now and for the worse without a doubt. Thank you for understanding that women really do need help not judgement. It must be a very challenging job at times.

Thank you for what you do.

Are there any charities you would recommend to people wanting to support abortion care?

Do you miss pregnancy and labour care?

@Blossom28 yes. I absolutely believe that women should be able to have an abortion at any gestation, and for any reason. It's not my place to judge and its not something that regularly comes up. The most traumatic moments I've had since working here have been due to telling women that they're too far along to have treatment, despite very compelling reasons for needing an abortion. I've literally had women screaming in fear at the thought of having to have another baby.