My DP is 26 years older than me AMA

[GidgetGirl]

What it says up there. We’ve been together about 4 years.

What @mollylips said.

@ahtellthee I am in love, but I don’t think I perceive the in it for fun/committed relationship dichotomy in the same way. Like I say, I think it would be different if I wanted kids.
I am in it for fun, in as much as if it stops being fun and starts being actively unpleasant, we might stop loving each other. But I’m committed enough to realise that there will be ups and downs. Ah, it’s a tough one to put into words. It’s not just a case of messing about, anyway. It is a committed, loving relationship.

He works in the arts..... so an actor maybe?

I wonder what you bring to the relationship?

@Frangipane Famous is perhaps a bit of a stretch, but he’s well known in his artistic field. I won’t be saying who he is, just like I wouldn’t be putting my real name on here. Who knows what I might want to post about in the future! I wouldn’t want any of my future work clients to know about my piles (for example) if they googled my name.

Why are you doing this ama? Genuine question.

My sister married a man 26 years her senior and she is now getting divorced aged 30 after 8 years together. His children were older than her and he is older than our parents.

@ElizabethMainwaring Plenty of people in the past have expressed interest in the dynamics of of the relationship in light of its large age gap. And there are an awful lot of misconceptions.. Also, it’s a Sunday afternoon and I’m a bit bored.

Hmmmm...Not at all how I define love, or a mature relationship, more like an infatuation but each to their own @GidgetGirl .

Wishing you well.

Why do you care about what other people think??

That's interesting. Noone in over 21 years has asked me about my relationship dynamic.

Are you Paul Hollywood's girlfriend OP?

This "you'll be his carer" stuff always comes up on MN. Would your DP be willing to care for you if you got a long term illness or disability?

Of course the ex is crazy, there's always a crazy ex...

Cake Cake!

Richard Madelely is 62. Blue eyes, grey hair. Just saying...

What do you imagine happening when you're in your 50s and he's in his 80s? Or retirement age when he's in his 90s?

Does it not bother you that you'll be spending a your retirement looking after him? Or visiting him in a home?
Maybe even caring for him and your parents at the same time.

@ahtellthee At its best love IS fun, surely? Sometimes it’s not fun, but if you’re in a committed relationship you accept the less-fun times as part of the deal. I don’t see how that’s immature? We might just be disagreeing over semantics here.

Either way, I think this illustrates one of the reasons I wanted to do the AMA. Being in a large age-gap relationship, you often come up against disbelief that what you have is genuine. That somehow it’s inescapably shallow and meaningless. That he’s only in it for the young(ish) flesh and I’m only in it for something material.

These assumptions don’t prey on my mind and trouble me terribly, but I think it’s a shame. We love each other, make each other laugh, make each other feel better when we’re feeling shit, and generally enjoy this wonderful sense of mutual support. In that sense the age is irrelevant, and it doesn’t devalue the relationship as a whole. Not on our eyes anyway, or indeed in the eyes of anyone who knows us (as far as I know).

Is Richard Madelely your type OP? 62 years old. Blue eyes, grey hair. I loved Richard and Judy when I was a student and they co-hosted daytime TV. Both likeable. Just saying...

@LetsDialDownTheIanPaisley Oh god no, I have some serious inbuilt aversion to goatees.

Interesting thread!

Funny isn't it, initially I was thinking 60 year old grey haired man...wouldn't be my choice ...then PP's have started mentioning grey haired 60 (ish) year old men....and...yep I can see the attraction!

You will be in 40s and he will be in his 70s... it is irrelevant how fit he is now because people generally decline in health far faster in their 70s than they do in their younger years.

Thats also an age when most children are starting to look after parents and consider care packages/homes for them.

Aside from that... as a purely shallow aesthetic thing... Its grim think of being with an OAP when your in your sexual prime in 40s.

You really both should move on. This is a trap waiting to happen to you.

@DianaT1969 Y’know what, physically he’s not bad at all. But I just couldn’t.. It’s just the cheese. I’d just be looking at his O-face thinking ‘that’s Richard Madeley’.

The whole him being old & incapable by the time I’m 50 thing.. Yep, it’s not unlikely. I’m hoping he keeps his health and fitness for a good long while, but who knows? He’s only 60 at the moment! I accept that if we stay together, I will most likely be caring for him one day in the future. But that’s what you do if you love someone, isn’t it?

I think that you come across scepticism because you sound a little bit shallow op.

Genuine question @ElizabethMainwaring , but why do you think I seem shallow? Is it the goatees/Richard Madeley thing?