My DP is 26 years older than me AMA

[GidgetGirl]

What it says up there. We’ve been together about 4 years.

An elderly skinflint who used his vulnerable ex for sex?

Swoon.

How do you see the future?

MollysLips sums it up well.

No questions, just wanted to say, me too (33 and 59) and it's working really well. Age gap solidarity, sister! ✊

MollysLips sums it up well

Seconded.

I suppose I do think about the future, but not to the extent that I’m making plans for it. I probably should, but I’m not doing that yet. While we love each other and we’re enjoying being together, we’ll stay together. I hope it’s forever because I’m enjoying it. But who knows? He’s a complex man and not without his issues, that’s for sure. And evidently the same could be said for me. But we make each other happy and we’re still going strong after four years. The sex is still absolutely the best I’ve had in my life, and I’ve had a lot.

Are there any times when the older partner is unable to keep up with the younger one?
I'm just asking because I think I would struggle with someone much younger than me - but I'm lazy and unfit.

Do you worry that you’re the outcome of his mid-life crisis?

I think if he is reasonably healthy you'll be fine until he's in his 70s. That seems to be when older people decline more rapidly unless they exercise daily. So you've probably got a good ten years before you start having problems. Are you prepared to care for him in his old age? What sort of life do you want when you are his age and he's in his 80s?

He's getting the best of it because he has an active partner whilst he's still active but you won't have that if you stay with him.

How does your dad feel about it?

The whole elderly, skinflint user thing..

Elderly - not quite yet. Grey-haired but virile.

Skinflint - he just really really likes the whoops aisle. He’s not that bad really. It’s occasionally endearing and he can be very generous at other times.

Using his ex - yes he was, but it’s not as simple as that. I obviously can’t go into it in great detail but it had been a very messed up relationship and they were as bad as each other. They’re both much better off totally out of it.

@Fairenuff I always thought this but my dad is 67 and over the last 18 months has declined so quickly, it's actually rather shocking. He is and always has been incredibly fit, gym every day, runs, cycles, hates being inside and has basically been our incredibly active superhero forever.

Now, I no longer believe that. (I almost wonder if he has worn his body out?).

I have a friend who is in pretty much a similar position, except she is married with a preschooler. I can't help but wonder what is going through her mind because there can't be a future. Maybe a decade at best of good times, but then as she is approaching her prime (I am 40 and have never felt better!), she will have an old man to care for, or will leave him to live her life and he will be on his own.

It just seems like a no win situation to me.

Should just say I am quite interested in this thread as the age difference is the same as my friend, and I have really really been trying to understand my friends POV for the last few months, but I am not being
successful.

To be honest, it's a bit daft to start an 'ask me anything' thread but mention several times that you can't go into detail about stuff.

I just think his ex’s mental health issues/trouble with police aren’t particularly relevant to my relationship..

@ahtellthee I know that our relatively idyllic situation right now won’t always be this way. If I wanted kids it would be different, certainly. I probably wouldn’t be with him if I did, and not just because he’s had the snip. I’m aware if we stay together I could be his carer in another 20 years. It’s not a nice thought, but if I loved him of course I’d do it. I can’t change the fact that it feels this good now, and I wouldn’t end it just in case his health declines. That could happen to anyone of any age. Not many of us think about sensible future plans when we meet someone and fall in love, do we? When it happens it happens, and you just have to deal with it as you go along.

I'm with Mollyslips on this one.

He really isn't a catch.

*Grey-haired but virile."

Grim.

Police involvement now, it just gets better.
Good luck OP.

Mine is 26 years older than me too
We've been together for 21 years.

@notangelinajolie The whole age-gap thing isn’t for everyone, but I think he’s a sexy bastard. He’s tall and strong and he’s got a better body than most men half his age. The combination of his striking blue eyes and messy mop of grey hair sends me crazy..

How did you notice him? I mean where is it you come across a bloke old enough to be your father and think “mmm, I would,” and then flirt to make it happen?

Also, do you have issues with your dad OP? There is a lot of evidence that women who enter into these kinds of relationships are seeking some kind of father figure.

@GidgetGirl with respect, everyone in my close circle thought carefully about their future before committing to a relationship. It's quite important, unless you are just in it for fun, in which case, it isn't a committed relationship.

Are you in love?

You neatly sidestepped an earlier question as to whether he is someone famous. Is he? I don't care one way or the other, but your sidestepping of the question and your refusal to talk in detail about how you met suggests to me he is. You did say AMA!

@NoCauseRebel The daddy issues thing is something which gets brought up on occasion. In my case I don’t think it’s an issue - my dad is an incredibly sweet, stable man and my relationship with him has only ever been totally normal and issue-free. No weird attachment issues or anything.

But that said, my attraction to much older men is long-standing and must have come from somewhere. It’s something I’ve pondered frequently. The only theory I have is my early puberty.. I started my periods on my 10th birthday, and I had been having sexual feelings (without fully understanding them) for a year or two before that. All of my peers were little boys way, way off reaching puberty, and I didn’t fancy any of them in the slightest. My very early fantasies were concentrated on men & boys much older than I was at the time.

As for where I met him - he works in the arts and I was aware of his work. I found him attractive before I met him, and I got in touch with him out of the blue one day.

This sounds ridiculously like the fantasist OP asking if she should go for it with such a big age gap, who later on in the thread revealed that the 'crush' was Ralph Fiennes